Oh if I could go back and do it all over again and not marry a man with a kid. How naive I was to think everything would be OK in the end.

Not a big thing, but just one more element of dealing with stepparent crap:

Dh took our two BDs to see SD22 a couple of weekends ago. Our BDs probably only see her max twice a year for a few hours at a time at the most. This was a brief visit, they weren't around her more than 4 hours total.

Well, we are driving somewhere this weekend and my two BDs who are 11 and 8 get in a tiff and BD8 says to BD11 something along the lines of (I don't remember the exact words):
SD22 is a better sister than you are/SD22 is my favorite sister

Hold the phone! She NEVER remembers your birthday, NEVER calls you, NEVER sends you a text or a card, sends a "gift" ($1) from the Dollar Store more than two months after your birthday (she forgot BD8's birthday until MONTHS later), and you say she is the best/your favorite? I think not!

WTH?! I know she only did it to upset her sister, but if she really feels that way, whew ...