Do you ever feel bad for them
Read this on Dr. Childress's website today (recommended by a fellow STalker)
The article was in regards to PAS
Think of it this way, the child is essentially in a hostage situation with a psychologically disturbed and highly controlling narcissistic parent, who can unleash searing anger and rejection directed toward the child if the child dares to deviate from the parentally desired responses. If the child forms an affectionate relationship with you, the child will be subjected to an excessive degree of psychological torment from the personality disordered alienating parent.
The article went on to say that the only way to "save" the child is to obtain separation from the disordered parent and then therapy for the child.
I feel really bad for some of these kids. Childhoods being ruined by controlling narcissistic parent(s).
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This is why I believe it is
This is why I believe it is better to let go most of the time. In our case and a lot of others on here there is absolutely no way to get custody so there is 0% chance of helping the child.
I feel sorry for the children but also recognize that they also make choices especially when they are older. Regardless of what the parent is telling them, they know that the other parent isn't doing a lot of things they are being told. The ones that lie, file false claims with CPS, etc. These kids are in school. They are around other kids who have divorced parents-half of today's kids are in this situation. They know that what they are doing is wrong. They are victims but are still responsible for their actions.
I agree 100%.
I agree 100%.
Some of the symptoms the
Some of the symptoms the child may display according to the Dr.
Grandiosity – the child sits in an elevated position of judging the targeted parent;
judging the parent both as a parent and as a person.
Entitlement – the child expresses an entitled expectation of particularly favorable treatment from the targeted parent and retaliates toward that parent if the entitled expectations are not met in the fashion dictated by the child.
Loss of empathy – the child displays an absence of empathy for the feelings of the targeted parent. This represents a symptom of extreme clinical concern.
Haughty Arrogance – the child displays an attitude of haughty disdain and contempt
for the targeted parent.
We went through that with
We went through that with food. If we took them to a fast food place it was bad, but with bm or stepdad it was ok. All the food we ever made was "not healthy" ( we had them twice a month, lunch was the only meal they ate with us).
They did the same thing with a restaurant we would take them to, it wasnt good til they went there with BM.
Wonder why sd developed anorexia?
The article went on to say
The article went on to say that the only way to "save" the child is to obtain separation from the disordered parent and then therapy for the child.
Meh, I think that greatly depends on the age of the child. If we're talking maybe under 10? But I think once they hit tween/teen years, it's too late. Hell look at my SD17.. moved 3 states away from manipulative GBM/BM and she is still pulling the same old crap. For her the damage is already done and beyond repair. No amount of distance or therapy is going to help, SD17 has to be the one who wants to change anything.
What do you think would
What do you think would happen if BM and GBM were abducted by aliens tomorrow
. Do you think she would start behaving? Would therapy help then?
I think by that age, their
I think by that age, their character and personality is pretty much engrained. The only way they will change when they are that old is to have a very compelling reason to (i.e., she is not getting what she wants with her actions/reactions and figures out on her own that she needs to change).
So true. I feel that my case
So true. I feel that my case is somewhat different and entirely hopeless.
Skids are away from BM for the majority of the time, they were alienated mildly
early on but completely when they were between 17 and 23. They display all
of the symptoms- entitlement, arrogance, lack of empathy- that seem pretty
engrained. I am left pondering the unlikely possibility that BM just cloned
herself three times, and when they procreate evil will continue multiplying g.
I do feel bad for them, for
I do feel bad for them, for what BM puts them through.
And for myself, for the damage I have to witness.
At first I find the most perfect man, with 2 adorable sweet children only to uncover the long term damage she has done with her abuse, to his self worth and and self esteem, and to know it something only time and he can repair.
Then I watch 2 beautiful sweet children with a soul and personality of their Dad be beat down and destroyed, with no way to cope. The oldest originally reported tension building up in his neck and back, and now has a nervous tick from all the tension and anxiety building up inside, the youngest with an eating disorder, comforting herself with food.
These children suffer, the best of it is that they can escape it and be a kid when there with Dad.
It just might be the start of
It just might be the start of it. SS complained he thought he slept wrong or that it was from his sport. He would ask for ibuprofen all the time and put heat packs on it. BM took him to the chiropractor twice. X-rays showed nothing.
Then I watched him and it started with him just turning his head as thought to "crack" the joint. Then over the month I watched him careful because nothing was helping...and he was frustrated, I noticed he would wrench his eyes, then nose then lips then neck, and it went in a sequence everytime.
I asked if he felt pain or like a build up of weird feeling that it temporarily relieved by this "cracking" motion, and he said "yea! that's it! its not pain its just this building weird feeling and then I make that move and it will relieve it but for how long isn't always the same"
Poor kid. They just don't have the same outlets for stress that adults do. We can drink and smoke and shut everyone out, we can even tell someone off if we need to, but I child would be punished for speaking up, they are victim to the stress and can't escape it no matter what they do.
It breaks my heart to see how
It breaks my heart to see how the skids were SOOOO close and so loving towards their dad when they were younger and I first came into the picture. Now, he's lucky if they return a text to him.
We are moving out of town in a couple of months. I don't know whether to even bother telling them that. What's even worse is now there are two grandskids involved who are growing up not even knowing their grandfather. He is absolutely WONDERFUL with young children and they are being denied that and don't even realize it.