DH just doesn't get it...
Skid weekend is coming up and SD16 has been asking DH to take her to an outdoor market. It is over an hour from our house and DH is broke beyond words. They talked about it together and he said he would take her, but would pick her up on Saturday morning instead of friday night (the market is closer to BM's house and they can go right from there).
DH mentions it to me last night. I said it sounded good and to have a good time. He snapped. 'You're not coming with us?' Ummm...no DH I'm not. I have no desire to get up early on my day off and drive an hour to a trendy overpriced market that I have no intention of buying anything when I will likely have homework to work on AND I'm babysitting later that day. He goes on his usual tantrum of 'you never want to do anything with us.''I thought it would be nice to do something as a family and you don't want to.'
This is were I snapped. 'If you wanted to do 'family time' DH, then perhaps it would have been nice to be part of the planning instead of being TOLD what we are doing. The 2 of you decided to do this. I have no problem with that. The two of you should be spending time together without me. But you're nose is out of joint because I don't want to go. Maybe the next time you two are talking about doing something, you could say, 'let's ask fedup what she would like to do'. Has that ever crossed your mind DH? And how are you affording this day out? What are you going to say to her when she asks you to buy her something?'
DH: 'I already told her anything she wants to buy will have to be with her own money.'
Me: 'So you are taking a teenage girl with no money shopping to an overpriced trendy market and neither of you can afford to even buy lunch there?'
DH: 'She will be disappointed that you're not going.'
Me: 'We all know that's not true no matter how many times you say it DH.'
FFS...I think he needs me there for conversation because he has no idea how to relate to her. HE spends ZERO quality time with her. All they do is watch tv all weekend when she's here. Then he makes these big elaborate plans and expects the money to magically appear. I no longer finance anything I'm not part of when it comes to SD16. DH is not working. I am juggling 4 part time jobs and school and he wonders why I don't want to get up at 6am on Saturday?
He can be mad all he wants. I'm. Not. Going.
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Ugh, he doesn't see this as a
Ugh, he doesn't see this as a recipe for disaster?
OF COURSE she expects him to buy her stuff... OF COURSE SHE DOES. EVEN IF he warned her she would have to use her own money. He's Dad. She will absolutely expect he will foot the bill and treat her. She's 16!!!! She can't wrap her mind around the fact that he's not working and has bills to pay and is broke. To her he's DADDDEEEEE and Dad will make it happen.
This sounds like a horrid idea. Please let us know how it went for them. BTW- I can't stand browsing and window shopping with no money. It's awful, and that is with the understanding of a responsible adult. For a kid??? Geeesh.
EXACTLY!! He tried to say,
EXACTLY!!
He tried to say, 'if you're friends asked you to go, you'd go' crap...still a no DH! If I can't afford to do something without worrying about money the whole time, I don't go!
And I know she will come home with something and he will say it was on sale and she will 'work the money off' with chores that will never happen.
He was all pissy with me in a text a few minutes ago...yes DH, this will certainly convince me to go...lol
Why do I have the feeling
Why do I have the feeling that this:
DH: 'She will be disappointed that you're not going.'
should actually read this:
DH: 'She will be disappointed that you're not going to pay for anything.'
I hate to say it, but it really sounds like the REAL reason he's pissed is because he wants to bring your money - not you. He's being a dick.
This is likely partially
This is likely partially true.
He handed all the financial responsibility of the bills to me (which I was fine with considering I would prefer to know the bills were paid on time). So when it's time to plan anything fun, with or without SD16, it is me that makes sure everything that needs to be paid it taken care of first. Does it make me popular? Nope. But it's the way it has to be right now. I make daily sacrifices to make sure the bills are paid. He never seems to think that the reason I am giving up my Saturday night to babysit is because I will be paid enough to cover the hydro bill. Why did I decide to go back to school? So that in 2 more years, I will only have to have ONE job. Sometimes he only sees his own hardship (not working due to an injury and surgery)and never the sacrifices I make. When he bitches about being broke I tell him that if he was better with his money he wouldn't be. I don't sugarcoat money issues. We are adults and have be be held accountable for our actions...and SD16 has to learn that just because she wants something doesn't mean it will appear for her.
I learned more from what I
I learned more from what I didn't get than from what I did get.
I can defer gratification.
I can cope with disappointment.
I am grateful for small things.
It's called "Spoiling" for a reason, right?
LOL...yes, this is true. If
LOL...yes, this is true. If I'm going to be the big ole' meanie, I might as well be the big ole' meanie alone at home.
If, for some crazy reason,
If, for some crazy reason, you decide to go (such as temporary insanity), make sure you FORGET YOUR WALLET.
OMG how funny would that be.
OMG how funny would that be. Because if she goes they both are going to think, woo hoo we got some money to spend. The looks on their faces when she says I left my money at home will be priceless.
I'm tempted to go just to do
I'm tempted to go just to do this!!! lol!!
This is one reason why I WILL
This is one reason why I WILL go places I'd rather not. Whenever possible, I make sure I linger somewhere while DH and the skids move on (cannot STAND listening to PrincASS run his bloody mouth). I take my time and enjoy what I want. If they are still looking around (VERY unusual - they are usually waiting for ME to finish), I pull out a book (always have one in my bag) and read. However, my DH would NEVER dream of asking me to pay for anything skid-related and would never buy something when we don't have the money for it.
Gahhhhh! Sounds like my exDH
Gahhhhh! Sounds like my exDH (dickhead in this reference). He could never do ANYTHING with his kids if I wasn't there! I hated it! Why do I have to sacrifice all of my weekend to do shit with YOUR kids! Take them wherever you want but leave me out of it!
Surely she will or did come home with something too. No way a 16 year old girl went somewhere like that and didn't see something she just HAD to have.
Actually, there was one time
Actually, there was one time last summer I did give DH $50 to take SD16 to a friend's campsite for the weekend. It was the best money I've ever spent.