Here's a resource for you. And you are not alone. And there's no making sense of this senselessness. So find the support you need to step away. You deserve to organize around your life and what's important to you, not her pathology.

http://lightshouse.org/youre-not-alone-if.html#axzz3ZmiSFTjZ

I could have also written this. I agree to not send the email just yet. Think about the kind of relationship you want with your mother vs the kid of relationship you expect from her.

I would not send the email. It opens up the potential for tit-for-tats arguments.

Next time she makes some off handed callous remark, why can't you call her to the floor right there? Not rudely, but just say "Wow, Mom. That is a really hurtful and insensitive thing to say. I put a lot of thought in that gift, and I had hoped you would appreciate it. If you genuinely did not, you certainly could handle that in manner that isn't so ungrateful."

I've done this to my mother before, and she claims she had not realized how rude she was being. Meh. I don't believe her, but it has almost completely stopped, because she knows she can't get away with it anymore.

Does your mother have issues about spending money? She may have really loved the gift but feels it is wasteful of the money they cost. My mother says she rather have money. Yet, she does not like giving money...thinks it is impersonal. Go figure. My mother has been widowed for over 2o years. She has my dad's IRA supplement her SS check. She still leaves alone in house we grew up in. She has some costly expenses on keeping up the house.

I would not send the email...I would just back away from the relationship for a while without the announcement...To work on your own mental and psychological health. It seems like, when we become adults and start to individualize...We can have struggles with our parent's issues that may not be healthy. But now that you are an adult, it is time to break away from the child/parent relationship, and move into an adult/adult relationship. A lot of times when this dynamic is taking place, you begin to see that your parents also have issues, and they come down off from the pedestal we have put them on since childhood. Some parents come crashing down.

The issue may, in part be the psychological issues she has, but the problem with that is, you will not change her. Those are her issues...Her baggage she has carried around throughout her life...and if she has not dealt with her own personal issues as of yet, she may never deal with them...That is one of of those "Things I cannot change" subjects...But, with that being said...this really isn't about her right now even though she is your focus...It is about you...

Maybe it's time to step back, now that you realize your mother does not know how to validate you as a person, and ask yourself...Why, at this point in my life...and I still looking to her for validation?...Why do I ALWAYS come home disappointed when I visit her. I am not saying that expecting to be validated from your mother is wrong...Actually, it is quite normal...What I am saying is, she obviously does not have it to give, or is in a life pastern that withhold it, and makes it all about her right now.

We come to a place in life, as we get older, that begins to realize that our parents are not the true definer's of who we are and our self worth...Until this point, that is all we have known...For some of us, we have had no other resource to share the magnificent truth about who we are really, and our true value.....

If you are really interested in digging deep ingot he truth of this matter...I suggest you watch a free teaching on this very subject...it is found at Freedom classes/gateway church...take the time to listen to the truth...Now is the time to sort out these issues for yourself and gain a better perspective about it. We all seem to come to this bridge to cross at some point in our adult lives...It is normal for the "blinders" of our parents shortcomings to come off...How you navigate through that new information is the key...

You see, we all have baggage...Baggage from the life we each experienced until the present moment...Your parents are no different. Some of us find the help needed to deal with our baggage, and some seem to remain caught up in the habits and life patterns our baggage have influenced us into living and thinking. It isn't the past that se have to keep re hashing to get free from..which seems to be where a lot of people get stuck...It is the effect of the past experiences that we now have to carry and deal with...Our own custom made baggage.

You are just now recognizing your mother's baggage from her past experiences in life...and if you look around her life, you will probably find a grandparent who suffers from the same issues she does...These things are handed down from generation to generation...and how each person chooses to deal with it, or not (some do not even recognize it is there) It has become "normal" for them...

But, each one of us can break free from anything that has been handed down from the previous generation. That choice is up to you. You don't have to send public announcements, or even emails to announce your decision to process all this...You just need to begin processing your own state of being, and taking the necessary steps to break free from whatever it is that keeps you bound to this misery of constant disapproval from someone...

If you watch freedom classes/gateway church, and want to talk more on the subject, feel free to message me...In my own journey to freedom, i have found this website most valuable. It is important that you watch the first 5 videos before going to the specific subjects first.

This is something way bigger than you perceive it to be right now, and these teachings will help you gain the perspective you need to get the real answer you are seeking...The truth of the matter...peace

I think you should send it after you wait 24 hours after writing it.

I think your both adults n you need to air that stupid cycle out n call it what it is ~ toxic. You try to do something nice & she shits on you. You know but your mom justifies her actions. It's plain & simple ~ it's called manner. You thank people for thinking of you. Her other shit is cause ~ she can't admit her harsh ways n it sounds like an apology is way far fetched.

We all want to love our family but it doesn't give her card blanche to treat you like shit ~ it isn't her rights of passage. Instead of playing games ~ tell her how you feel ~ maybe that will humble her ~ this way in writing she can re read it. We all need to own our actions.

After you send ~ the ball is in her court.

"I simply believe there are individuals who are simply bad seeds, and there's no other explanation for it." Finally...some common sense Bechers!!

My mom is one of those people that you never know if she likes or hates what you get her. I know she likes Spa treatments. So that is ALL I give her. A massage and facial from Groupon. EVery occasion, a different Spa, but that's what I get her. Easy.
Don't send the email, it will make things worse. Create distance and leave it at that.