DH texted me.
Thank everyone here for being here for me. I really am trying to do what needs to be done to protect me and my daughter. I cried my eyes out until 4am . My best friend has been here with me . We have been reading your messages and she has been helping me to get the ball rolling. Shutting down accounts and contacting a lawyer. I'm changing the locks today. I feel like I'm being run over by a bus. I still don't understand how anyone could do what he did to me. I truly love him but BM can have him I'm not going to grovel for that asshole,
He texted me. Basically saying he really doesn't know what he wants. BM is his first love and mother of his first two and he will always love her and want to make it work with her and feels like she has finnaly changed back into the woman he first fell in love with. But he also loves me and doesn't want to hurt me. He actually asked me to give him time to see if he wants things to materialize with her or to come back and work on our marriage.
I wanted to reply but my friend took my phone away and told me not to give him the satisfaction. Are we really in fucking middle school? I am your wife . The mother of your 5 month old daughter. I thought you were really someone different. My throat is dry and my eyes hurt from crying so much. You are putting me through hell and you think it's a game. That hurts me even more. BM can have you. You have no choice to have me back. You used me and threw me away like yesterday's garbage.
You don't understand how this feels. To you its a fucking joke. I feel like Shit . I'm never going to let you or anyone use me ever again . I feel like you used me to fill a void all the while your heart was with her. You used me brought a baby into this world then just up and left me like I meant absolutely nothing.
I'm going to make sure you can't take anything else away from me the car and house are in my name. I work aand I have savings I'll be just fine. You destroyed me but you won't keep me down.
I hope your happy. You had it all. When BM shits all over you again I hope you really really grow up. You threw away something really special and someone really amazing. Your loss. One day my tears will dry and my heart qill repair but you'll just keep suffering .
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Completely agree! ^^^^
Completely agree! ^^^^
He probably knows you are
He probably knows you are going to go for a lawyer and is trying to play nice so you won't go for his throat. Go for his throat. You gotta get mean and tough. I am glad your friend took your phone away. Listen to her advice. Follow her lead. You are going to want to pull at his heart strings but he doesnt have a heart. Trust me one day when you are remarried to a great guy who is good to your son and your living the high life getting massages on his child support while he and BM have genital herpes on their faces because she's been messing around again, you won't really think about this hurt too much anymore.
Don't get mad... Get
Don't get mad... Get EVERYTHING. Get an attorney and clean his clock. And under no uncertain terms should your child ever be around the bm. Period.
AMEN!! Turn your sadness into
AMEN!! Turn your sadness into pure pissed off and take this asshole for everything you can. This guy pisses me off more than anyone on here has in a long time!
I'm so sorry to read about
I'm so sorry to read about how your going through this.
My wish for you is:
Be strong, be proud, and be the woman you would want your daughter to be.
^^Perfectly said^^
^^Perfectly said^^
Do you really want this sad
Do you really want this sad excuse for a man to live with you?
Right now, while he's feeling guilty and vulnerable, get a lawyer and draft something that gives you lots and lots of say over visitation.
Because...if he goes back to his ex and you have a kid together, that kid is gonna have to go visit her dad AND be with BM. It's possible they will use parental alienation or false accusations to get you child to live with them, or BM and DH could treat her like a second-class citizen when she goes to visit.
Keep doing exactly what you
Keep doing exactly what you are doing. Write your thoughts here, write your thoughts in a journal, tell your thoughts to your friends, but damnit, do NOT talk to him anytime soon. And do not be a doormat for him to "come back to" if it doesn't work out with BM. What a fucking moron for even suggesting such an idiotic thing!
Mark my words, it WON'T work out with BM. People don't change, they just get older. If it didn't work out the first time with her, it won't work out the second, third, fourth or fortieth time. He'll figure that out soon enough and when he does he will try to come groveling back to you. Don't let him do it. Child or no child, don't do it!
Be strong for you and for your baby. Hugs!!!
My DH did this for 20 years
My DH did this for 20 years with psycho BM. The only change she made was for the worse, she now has herpes
You soon to be ExH will wish he never left you and then let him be ALONE and to wallow in his own self pitty and misery! He is a dick!
See she knows. Genital
See she knows. Genital herpes. You think I'm kidding about that but that's a very real possiblity if you go back with him. You'll get her STD's.
"Wait by and see if things
"Wait by and see if things pan out w/her as I want or else I come back to you...."
how 'bout "I AM NOT A FUCKING BACKUP PLAN."
op i am hurting for you. let us absorb your hurt, u channel the rest of it into strength and action.
Amen girl! you said that
Amen girl! you said that perfectly! Keep repeating exactly what you just typed. Any time you feel like you might slip, come here, and post a letter to him. You will see how many of us support and care for you.
How fucking dare he ask you to wait for him to figure it out. You said it perfectly, "what are in middle school?" Stay strong girl we are all here for you.
What a fucking douchebag.
I'm glad your friend has been
I'm glad your friend has been there to help you.
Please don't fall for his "I don't know what I want now" That is total BS!
Just continue doing what your friend is helping you with and worry about you and that baby!
Yes, come here. I'm not here all the time and I don't give the greatest advice at times but There are plenty of ladies here(and a few gents) that do and will. Keep your head up momma, You will get through this! (((hugs)))
"He actually asked me to give
"He actually asked me to give him time to see if he wants things to materialize with her or to come back and work on our marriage."
Right, because it would be so utterly alluring to have his dick, which he obviously put in bm again, back inside you?! Yes, that sounds so sexy and arousing. I'd rather drink fucking razor blades or have surgery with a rusted butter knife and no anesthesia than do that.
What planet is he from?! Does he really think you'd want to dip your toe in the "sloppy seconds love swamp" that is he and bm let alone near your uterus?!
DISGUSTING!
^^^^THIS!!!!
^^^^THIS!!!! :sick: :sick: :sick: :sick: :sick: :sick: :sick: :sick: :sick:
What an ass...Keep everything
What an ass...Keep everything moving forward. Hire a good lawyer and take him for all he has and make sure no unsupervised visitation....
Your friend is a gem. Now
Your friend is a gem. Now THAT is a relationship you should value.
I love that you are not answering the text. He will be torn between wondering if you just didn't receive it or if you are still thinking about it. It will take him a long time to figure out your ship has sailed!
Do not allow this man back into your life. He is not fully cooked into a Real Man. He pretended to be one, he coated himself in frosting, but his soggy doughy listeria drenched innards have been exposed.
I am also one to advocate for dads but I agree in this case if you can fight for full custody and as little visitation as possible you would be doing your child a favor. This man will inflict instability on your child in a variety of shapes and flavors. Protect her from that.
It shouldn't be too hard, he will lose interest in her. As he already has.
Preserve the text and show it to your attorney. I can't wait for your locks to be changed!
He is quite the pompous
He is quite the pompous fuck-face. Asking you to sit by and WAIT for him to DECIDE what HE wants?!?!?! That is fucking LAUGHABLE.
He feels guilty because he
He feels guilty because he already knows he just made a huge mistake. He wants you to keep the door open for when everything goes back to shit with BM. And it will because people do not change, they just adjust to hide things better. If you even think about letting come back, know that he will just keep doing this to you. He doesn't consider you or your daughter when it comes to his feelings and his wants. You deserve someone who will make you a priority, someone who would choose you first every time, not some douche bag jackass who was busy killing time with you while his Ex was bored of him.
I do hope you get a lawyer...and if you wanted to be real nasty you could always go talk to EVERY lawyer in your area so that none of them can represent your DH. There's some kind of rule or something that if you are their potential client then they can't take him on because of conflict of interest. It would limit his options to fight against you...just a suggestion, but I feel like he kinda deserve to be shafted in some way since he's just walking out leaving you to just pick up the pieces of what's left of yalls life. That's so cruel.
Not sure about each state but
Not sure about each state but I would sure do this for each and everyone that gives free consults. At least go to the best ones
not the 99 dollar specials LOL
I am so sad all of this has
I am so sad all of this has happened. You need a friend and it sounds like you have an amazing one by your side.
You are getting good advise here, however, all the talk about keeping your baby away from your stbxh is wrong. She is not a pawn in your love life. I so sorry, I know it hurts, but its true.
He will have rights to see his child and if you stop that in anyway, a judge is not going to look kindly on you. Unfortunately, he is the dad and BMs kids are half siblings. Its going to hurt, but you have to let him see his child.
Get a lawyer, get CS, get main custody, but do not alienate his child from him.
sending big hugs and strength your way.
Not to be used as a pawn or
Not to be used as a pawn or to punish him. No, not at all. But because the BM will exact revenge on the child. This is not a usual situation. The BM will hate on that baby. DH will feel guilty she even exists. The older kids will taunt her. DH will be on a giant see-saw with BM, making baby's life very unstable even at the best of times.
Do not badmouth the dad. I don't think anyone's advocating that. Just if he really wants the baby (NOT to avoid child support) let him prove it by fighting for her. I don't think he will. So what you would be left with is courts or OP forcing the child on a dad and a home where she is not only not really wanted but where she will become the object of all negativity in the house: insecurity, revenge, anger, shame.
This advice isn't to punish dad. If anything, it's to wake dad up that he is going to lose his daughter if he doesn't make a serious and sincere effort. If he does not make such an effort, the child is much better off without him and his toxic swamp.
This is making alot of
This is making alot of assumption of the potential future SM. Unsure how you can take it so confidently to this state. The facts are it is very hard to get full custody now a days. Someone has to be violent etc to have to taken away. Most likely he will get some form of custody. She needs to come to terms with that.
Fighting for full custody just because someone thinks, with no background this happening, that maybe a child will not be cared for at a step moms house just does not make any sense to me.
He is the father and he has rights as well. Sounds like they all live close. He and his first wife will be around her baby. Its sucks but it will happen.
I for one would not want on my consciences that I stop the bonding process with a dad and a 5 month old baby. I think that is an unkind think to do to the child. And when she grows up and finds out that is why her dad is not in his life, she could end up hating her mom and only having a relationship with her dad.
CPS was called? Looks like
CPS was called?
Looks like OP case is building against stbxh.
I would move like I said below. Get away from this ugly situation.
If her DH actually likes a woman like that...ewwwww.....I would be so happy to get away from a gross man like that. Gross.
These last two post of hers
These last two post of hers are the only ones I have seen.
The first wife did all that? Bail on her kids? So do they have her kids? Or did she come back? I am confused. She came into the home screaming?
Problem is I still don't think that is enough to get supervised visits for him. She can try, but I don't think it will happen.
Denture Debbie had to do some serious crimes to get custody removed.
That BM is not the mom. The courts are going to look at the dad and what he does.
It is a hard situation all around. If the first wife is a ture wackadoddle, then I would ask the dad to give permission in writing that the OP and her baby can move out of the state. Get away from them as much as possible.
Most likely he will get some form of custody, but at least the day to day drama would be alot less. And no matter if the daughter is with them when she is there or visiting from out of state, we all know, his home, his life as long as there is no abuse.
Yeah, the whole thing is
Yeah, the whole thing is heartbreaking. No one will come out of this without permanent scars, baby included.
I knew a SM on another site
I knew a SM on another site who was actually the BM1. She and her DH divorced, he married someone else and had 2 kids with her, then he decided he'd made a mistake and went back to BM1, making her SM to BM2's kids. In THAT case (NOT saying it'd be true in this case), BM1/SM really wanted to do right by the kids. She wanted all the kids to have a good sibling relationship, she wanted her DH's kids by BM2 to feel comfortable and like family in her home. BM2 (in THAT case) was just so, SO angry that she was trying to PAS the kids, telling them their dad was horrible, that they didn't have to listen to BM1, etc.
So I get where WTF is coming from. The OP here needs to be really, REALLY careful that her anger at her stb-ex-DH (TOTALLY justified) doesn't spill over into her child's relationship with her father. Maybe OP does need to protect her daughter, and I can see if it were me that would be my absolute first instinct. But OP also needs to realize it is going to be *incredibly* difficult to be impartial and it'd be really, really easy to justify alienation in the name of protection.
BMNotAllowed, I am so, SO sorry you're going through this! Lean on your friend, sounds like you've got a good one there. Vent here. Get a GREAT lawyer. It's going to take time, but you WILL come out the other side of this and your life is going to be great. I know it sucks now, just take one day at a time.
BM isn't even stable around
BM isn't even stable around her own kids. Click on OPs name and read the old posts. We do know plenty about the situation. She leaves marks on her own kids. She takes off.
Regulators, mount up! We
Regulators, mount up! We need a posse...
Stay strong! You have the
Stay strong! You have the love of your friend and she will help you through this.
"I wanted to reply but my
"I wanted to reply but my friend took my phone away and told me not to give him the satisfaction."
You picked the right friend to be with you. Do not answer him. Change your number and your locks. Keep him away. What a loser. You can't see it now but this is the right advice. He's disgusting. NEVER go back with a man who went BACK to BM. You and your baby will be fine.
Already you are the
Already you are the contingency plan? After only 24 hours or so with the BM? Oh, yeah, he'll be confused and want you back and then be confused and want BM back. Don't even get on that merry-go-round. He left. Close the door.
This must hurt bad. But you have to love yourself more than he loves you. He certainly loves himself more than he loves you. His actions look nothing at all like love, in fact. Once you get your feet under you, I bet you won't even be able to imagine a future with this idiot.
I cannot believe that ass of
I cannot believe that ass of a man wants to put you on hold while he plays "houses" with BM and sees if it works for him or not. That creature (he's not a man) is beyond despicable. Thank God I don't know him or I would lose it and tell him exactly what I think he is: a miserable, despicable, worthless, heartless SOB!!!
My neighbors daughter is in a
My neighbors daughter is in a situation similar.
She is with a married man, has 2 kids with him, they are 19 and 17. She's been with him about 20 years.
He's been married for about 30 years, with 2 kids in their 20s with his wife.
There's more to the story as my neighbor likes to vent to me every once in a while. But yes some men are just pigs who can keep this up for years on end. Which sounds to be what your H is planning, if you go along with.
BM will make his life hell
BM will make his life hell when she is living a SM life. Him having to pay child support, your DD is sick and you two have to communicate.
Make his ass pay and when he tries to grovel back to you, kick him in the nuts.
You said you work and have
You said you work and have savings.
Offer the douche bag an easy uncontested divorce, no alimony, and no child support if he signs over his parental rights right now.
It would be worth ALL THE MONEY IN THE WORLD for you and your daughter to never have to deal with this dickwad.
give him time to see if he
give him time to see if he wants things to materialize with her or to come back and work on our marriage.
Oh, so now he wants to keep his options open. Seems he acted a bit hastily and maybe moved a bit fast for BM. Maybe SHE is rethinking it. Maybe it's not as exciting for her, now that he's actually left you and maybe SHE's backpedaling.
Don't give him the time of day. He's already shown you how important you are to him. I hope he ends up alone. What fucking nerve.
(((hugs)))
Listen too everything
Listen too everything everyone here and your friend is telling you.
Use steptalk as your venting and all the things you would like to say to him.
Don't talk to him, not one word. Change your phone numbers and delete his.
Take him for everything, that gutless son of a bitch couldn't even tell you face to face, he snuck off into the night with his tail between his legs.
If he thinks it is going to work out with bm, both he and she are delusional.
I want to hug the hell out of you and tell you that you are going to ok. You and your beautiful little girl are worth more than this piece of shit. It hurts like hell right now. I know, I have been in a semi similar situation.
Do not let this guy back in your house ever. Fullstop. Nada. He is gone. Pack up all his shit leave it on the front lawn and tell your friend to ring him to come get it.
We all here are in camp "bmnotallowed" be strong!!!
And another thing, asshole
And another thing, asshole does all this crap through texts? Fucking coward.
You deserve a whole hell of a lot better than this douche.
May be satisfying to say that
May be satisfying to say that but I sure as heck wouldn't warn him. Let atty advise and do the talking.
I feel so bad for you.
I feel so bad for you. Hugs
I hate to bring this up but in addition to all the other great advice you've been given you should go and see your doctor. You thought you were in a monogamous relationship but it seems like you weren't. You should make sure you are still healthy.
I am so sorry this is
I am so sorry this is happening to you. I think you've gotten lots of good advice, and you have a great friend. keep reaching out for support, there are a whole bunch of people virtual and real who have your bacK.
when SOBstbex syays I don't know what I want. . .He KNOWS exactly what he wants "all the cake" I Want Liam Neeson but oops boo (nod to dtzy) can't getwhat I want all the time either
Bah
I am so sorry this is
I am so sorry this is happening to you. I think you've gotten lots of good advice, and you have a great friend. keep reaching out for support, there are a whole bunch of people virtual and real who have your bacK.
when SOBstbex syays I don't know what I want. . .He KNOWS exactly what he wants "all the cake" I Want Liam Neeson but oops boo (nod to dtzy) can't getwhat I want all the time either
Bah
I am so sorry this is
I am so sorry this is happening to you. I think you've gotten lots of good advice, and you have a great friend. keep reaching out for support, there are a whole bunch of people virtual and real who have your bacK.
when SOBstbex syays I don't know what I want. . .He KNOWS exactly what he wants "all the cake" I Want Liam Neeson but oops boo (nod to dtzy) can't getwhat I want all the time either
Bah
Go for the throat, go for the
Go for the throat, go for the gonads, the accounts, pension, everything!
This!! I'd help if I could!
This!! I'd help if I could!
He has BALLS the size of
He has BALLS the size of Texas. He must think he is a real STUD! :sick: :sick: :sick: :sick: :sick:
He texted me. Basically saying he really doesn't know what he wants. BM is his first love and mother of his first two and he will always love her and want to make it work with her and feels like she has finally changed back into the woman he first fell in love with. But he also loves me and doesn't want to hurt me. He actually asked me to give him time to see if he wants things to materialize with her or to come back and work on our marriage.
JUST THOUGHT...
You should forward his text to BM....Add the comment...HE IS ALL YOURS!
I really think...NO CONTACT IS THE BEST. Let his lawyer talk to your lawyer.