I have the rule but it's a bit different. I said I will treat her like an adult the minute she turns 18 and if she can't abide my rules she can go find somewhere to live her own rules. I have no children of my own but if I did I could give them the same statement and there'd be no double standard.

It helps that DH was expected to take care of himself when he graduated high school so it's the natural course of things for him.

I expect all 3 children to launch in a timely manner. Either to varsity/ technikon/ alternate institute. We will support them while there. In SS's case he would have to live on campus.

My parents had that rule for us growing up....once you're done college, you are on your own. We all went away to college (my sister and I only 45 minutes away but lived there, my brother 9 hours away). I'm the oldest, so I finished first. I had secured a well-paying job in my field prior to graduating and rented an in apartment downtown Philly. Within 6 months I was transferred to the Chicago office and obviously supported myself out there.

My sister graduated and had an OK job that she took just so she would have one. She knew she didn't like it and didn't want to be there. She wasn't sure of the next step, so she moved back in with my parents. She ended up switching jobs and working for the same company as my dad, so it was convenient to be in the same place as him. HOWEVER I must note her and my parents are close. She owned a car (she paid for) and paid rent and towards meals and helped around the house. She came and went as she pleased and my parents and her had an adult relationship. She lived there about 2 years saving up before she moved out. Her and her long term BF just bought a house

My brother just graduated about 2 years ago. He also got a well-paying job in his field before graduation. Like me, he is more independent of my parents and had no interest in moving home. He got an apartment in Delaware near his office that he pays for.

We are all completely financially independent of my parents and have been since college graduation. I hope the same for my skids, and also for my bio if I have one someday.

If BM wants to support them post-college she can, but we are definitely not!

I think the definition of adult should be clarified first.

Where I'm from, that age was legally defined as 19. Where I live now, that age is legally defined as 21. What I think is 'normal', as in... by this age all life-skills should be acquired, but not career/self-supporting skills... is 18.

So the first job of raising an adult is making sure they know how to take care of themselves. If they are unable to shower regularly, flush toilets, brush hair, change clothes, use toilets, attend school, walk the dog, clean the damn toilet, or eat with a knife and fork, then parenting has failed. Unless the child has some disability which prevents them from being able to care for themselves, the parent has created a situation in which the child must remain at home supported by the parent. Key phrase: "the parent has created..."

The second job of raising an adult is making sure they can make a good life for themselves. There are lots of viable definitions for this, including teaching them to be of character, helping them become happy and positive people, and providing them with an education. Everything in this category is bonus. If all a parent can do is keep a child safe and teach them to do laundry and then allow them to leave the nest, they have succeeded as parents. If the parent has the emotional, financial, psychological wherewithal to teach their child to be happy, to face adversity, to provide for college, to give them a car or a positive self-image, then that is a fortunate child indeed. Other than paying for college, none of this part of parenting needs to take place after the child is of legal age.

I don't have kids, have never wanted them. Both of DH's daughters (now adults) were minors when we got together, both lived with their mothers (2 BMs).

So, when DH and I agreed on that rule, we were more or less referring to his family members, who have a tendency to over stay their welcome. It was just a bonus that I could later include the SDs and keep them from moving in with us as adults.

Had they lived with us as minors, it might have been a little harder to get rid of them. Although, DH might have just kicked them out himself, as neither of his daughters have ANY ambition and it irritates him to no end.

I basically got lucky.

3/4 skids have never lived with me. Since I have been with DH his kids have mostly been strangers to me. So this impacts my answer.

OSD was already an adult when DH and I got together. She is now married with 2 kids of her own. She doesn't like me, so no I would never have her living in my home.

SS did live with DH when we moved in together. He then graduated HS. DH told him he had to either go to college or into the Marines if he wanted to stay living with us. We gave him to September after he graduated HS to figure out what he was going to do. He actually moved out in July because he wanted to live with his GF. If we would have let him have his GF stay the night I am sure he would have stayed until we kicked him out.

I would not have him live with us again because he wants to have sex with girls and smoke pot. So no, he cant follow the rules. DH wouldnt want to deal with that either. He is also now 21 going to be 22 in a few months.

MSD is 19 and has a baby of her own. DH wanted her to come and stay with us when she got kicked out of her baby daddy house. (his parents). That was a HUGE no as MSD is a liar, thief and manipulator. I knew once she came, she wouldnt leave. And I knew it would be end of my marriage. So while her circumstances would have made me be okay with her living with us, given her current situation, the fact that she is who she is, it's a NO.

YSD is 16 and says she wants to live with us anytime her mom and SF pisses her off. That is also a NO.

My bio is 9. My "ideal" would be that he would stay until he graduated college. I would hope that by the time he is done with college he would be ready to live on his own. My goal is to get him to launch, so that he will not have to move back home.

I moved out 1 month after I turned 18. My sister was moved out when she was 18. We have never had to come back home. I expect my bio to follow that.

I do think about my own bio. I feel that this is his HOME. So the rules apply a little differently for him then the skids. That may be viewed as a double standard. But DH (to a degree) and I are both raising my bio and DH has been in BS's life since he was 5. So I think that relationship is different and that comfort level.

DH's kids are strangers to me. Just because they are his kids, doesnt mean it makes me any more comfortable living with them. My BS is my bio so I would feel more comfortable living with him as an adult.

Hopefully that makes sense.

In our case, it would have to be some horrendous thing to happen to my DS to have us allow him to live back with us. I had mentioned to DH once about having SS live with us. He is attending college and BM has a herd of kids at her house. DH was the one who put the kabosh on that idea!

BTW, sd will turn 16 this summer. She's very cool about the fact that she's flunking 3 - 5 classes with a week and a half left in the school year. If she were upset about it, that would be different. But she doesn't care.

So I recently told dh if she is planning to drop out once she turns 16 I don't want her here. No dropouts lolling about on my couch ruining life for everyone. No. No. No. No.

I meant it but also part of my saying it is to motivate him to keep trying to get her on a decent life plan.

BEFORE DH and I married we made a rule that any kid or skid could live with us after high school if they went to college full time AND work at least part time. They could not go to school part time.

My bios are only 3 and 5, but yes, when my DW said that I wouldn't impose that rule on my bios I said "Are you kidding?! The same rule applies to them!". I mean think about it. I'm in my mid 40's. By the time my bios are adults I'll be in my early 60's and close to retirement. I don't want to be supporting adults when I'm a senior citizen!

I have no bios but we have the no adult skid living with us guideline.

I've told H many times after Uberskank became CP again. I will not live with his child again. Ever. He can choose to live with daughter or live with his wife.

My sister still lives with my parents (she's 25) but she's not married, and takes care of our aging parents. She helps out with the bills and stuff. My parents have always said we're welcome back home, but it's with the understanding it's only to get us back on our feet. The skids or our kids would have to be paying some sort of rent (or taking over some chores.) I moved out because I got married, but I know if I didn't get married, I'd still be at home, helping out of course, but home nonetheless. However, culturally, 3 generations usually live with eachother, so that's not weird to me.

If my bios acted like skids (not being able to handle their alcohol, fighting with neighbors, getting cops called to my house at 2 a.m., bringing booty calls to my house while I'm at work, etc.) then yes, the same rules would apply to them that apply to skids. I don't tolerate nonsense from anyone. Skids or bios.