Deprogramming after a disney da weekend sucks
So crazy as picked up BS at 5pm... very funny didn't call a head to have me have BS ready to go, but walked up and rang my doorbell. I have got to stop falling for his BS, I think Thursday was all about look at me, my new dumb GF is buying us a house.
So he layed it on thick and was disney dad. BS went to bed late every night, hasn't showered since Friday, bawled his eyes out because he misses his dad ( wanted to call him..not happening because then the ass tries to tell me he needs to more non court ordered time) and would not go to bed last night. This morning I have to drag him out of bed, practically dress him. He has a cold now upon return from his dads and wants to stay home from summer day care today. The kid is angry at me at tells me that I should have tried harder and stayed married because his dad could have changed. I told him, he has seen how his dad treats me and treated me, that there was no way that I could have stayed married to him and he is not ever going to change towards me Period. Kid is a total ass and then tells me he is giving me the silent treatment. Oh and he threatens to tell his dad what I said.
I am not PASing the kid, he watched his dad abuse me and knows that I am afraid of his dad and he is a lot of the time as well.
To make it worse I was up half the night with such an awful migraine it was excrutiating...guess what mommy is at work and sonny boy with his cold is at summer daycare. We are not his dad who misses on average 10 days of work a year for various illnesses.
Some days I am so afraid that I am raising an asshole. I told my mom about it all this am and she told me not to let BF know about this crap because no man is going to want to put up with the BS. BF knows everything and actually is my own form on ST in a way. He will call me out on things ( nicely) and is supportive when I need it. He was the child of divorce and a hand full to boot.
Some days I have no idea how I am going to get through this crap. I would love to bawl my eyes out but I have to remain professional and keep my shit together.
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Thanks scrubbed. We have
Thanks scrubbed. We have therapy on Thursday. I think I am going to start scheduling it again for the MOnday after visitation. This is horrible but when ex is his usualy lazy crappy self it is easier with BS. I want him to have a good time with his dad, it just is so exhausting to deal with it afterwards.
The head ache doesn't help, plus it is BS's birthday on Saturday and I am still struggling with getting time committements out of 2 of the 3 guests ( kid will be devestated if at least one of those kids don't make it) and my aunt is causing issues because for the family party the next day I asked her to leave her incontinent dog at home and not bring him with for the 3 hours she will be there. BF's mom & brother are coming and the brother is allergic to dogs. I have to kennel mine upstairs and vaccumm really good for him to attend. My aunt who is a bitch anyways said, if he is so allergic have him stand outside. WTF! My brother's family is out of town so we don't have many party guests for this event either. This is the first time borg our families will be together and I need my crazy aunt to behave.
We have been going to a
We have been going to a therapist since DH and I had our split. I have not been really been a disney mom. The one mistake I made was I let him sleep with me initially after I kicked ex out. That was a huge mistake and was hard to get him back to his own bed.
It is really hard when it is the dynamic of just 2 of you. I think it is easier when you have a spouse living with you or other kids as the lines are drawn.
I have always held him accountable for his behavior however it is hard dealing with a kid who can flip emotions so easily, has watched his dad abuse you and struggles between knowing what his dad really is and wanting him back.
My BF has always been over the road until recently so BS only saw him maybe once a month. Now he is around on weekends but never spends an entire weekend with us so BS has his time with me as well.
I think a majority of us deal
I think a majority of us deal with the same issue withour Bios. My BS17 still does this on occassion. When he comes home from BD's house he is a smart ass beyond all reason. He talks to me like a dog and gets in serious trouble for it. It usually takes a few days for him to de-program and then he is the sweet caring kid again. My XH is an asshole to everyone. Has a huge chip on his shoulder and talks to people like crap, then wonders why people want to stomp his butt in the ground. Exactly the same reason we could never go anywhere in public. I have a huge text from XH just berating me for not giving him back the child support he paid to me...hes a major asshat.
DH and I both know the minute BS gets home he will be a jerk...its hard to deal with sometimes.
Luckily BS has not been wanting to go see his dad the past few weekends. I don't try and stop BS from seeing his BD as BS is old enough to drive himself to and from. But I won't lie and say I am relieved a bit. Just keeps me from dealing with the crappy attitude when he returns. I think BS is having to hear some pretty negative opinions from BD toward me and he is sick of dealing with it. He NEVER hears me say ONE BAD word about his BD...so here he has a drama free zone. He is finally starting to see his BD for the jackwad he is. I can sleep real good at night knowing we didn't participate in the madness.
Just hang in there, keep the firm rules and don't let up and eventually your Bio will catch on. DIfferent house, different rules.
Thanks SM12. I am to the
Thanks SM12. I am to the point that I am not going to cover for his dad. My biggest fear is the day when crazy ex tells him I had him arrested.It is going to happen and he will tell him the lie he tells all his girlfriends not what really happened.
First off all I did was call the police and tell them what happened to cover my ass because he threatened to have me arrested when I fought back. I had told the police everything leading up with his behavior and everything I did when I was fighting back. I am not pround but after he was hitting me and bending my fingers back I lost it and scratched his face and grabbed for the neck. I told the cops all this and they still arrested him. The man was accelorating in his bad behavior. When he was trying to get me to take him back he said it was the wake up call he needed a day later when he found a new GF he started sayingit was my fault and I tried to kill him.
Thanks again scrubed I will
Thanks again scrubed I will check into that. I have been thinking I need to go see my therapist again to get a refresher on dealing with the ex. I dread any contact. I have not even given him a copy of BS report card and he is not smart enough or thoughful enough to ask to see it. It isn't a bad report card, the smal behavioral issues we have always dealt with. He didn't like BS's teacher because she was strict and held him accountable... I know that is what our son needs. Bad thing is he told BS this setting up the poor me crap. Any contact with me seems to open a flood gate. He has 2 of BS's hoodies at his place and BS who will be 8 on Saturday keeps forgetting them as his dad never checks to make sure he has everything. I need to ask him to bring them with when he takes him Friday night to celebrate his birthday. Hell he didn't make him shower all weekend.
You've always been the only
You've always been the only consistent, calm force in your BS's life. He is pushing and fighting because he KNOWS his dad is bad news, he KNOWS he's abusive, but he has to believe that he isn't that bad. Right now, with the new GF and all, he's on his best behavior and your son is seeing that and hoping against everything he really knows to be true that his dad HAS changed, he's a NEW MAN, a NICER man! We all know it's not true. I think deep down your son knows it's not true. He's just trying really hard to believe that his dad really could change.