Advise on how to handle hostile exchanges?
If any of you have a violent BM to deal with...advice is welcome.
Every exchange is terrible. BM cusses, yells, talks shit and more just about every time now. DH and I record her doing it too. Bm has chased my car down and followed me to DH's mother's house to yell and tell me she is going to "get me" one day...which I assume means fight me.
Recently we moved an hour away from her dumb ass. Thankfully DH has custody of SS7. I feel a lot better here and it is more private.
Only thing I have EVER done to BM was flip her the bird once after she called me a bunch of names in front of SS7. She has gotten my number before from the school emergency contacts and harassed me from different phones until I changed my number.
I won't sit back while DH does the exchange because I want to be a witness for him in case she tries to lie. (Last Christmas BM acted like DH hit her and luckily I was there as a witness and recorded it so she couldn't falsely charge him.)
This is a crazy BM with no signs of improving her attitude.
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The best thing that we ever
The best thing that we ever did was to move......far away. DH blocked her from contacting him except through the home telephone (which we never answer) or through snail mail. When his kids grew up and became legal adults, she was completely blocked and we moved a final time.
I've considered a RO before
I've considered a RO before but thought it might mean I can't go to exchanges anymore with DH. I like the police station idea. I'm going to look up where it is now
BM gets SS7 every other
BM gets SS7 every other weekend and now 4weeks each summer. When SS7 was in school we didn't have to see her in person
I don't really have much
I don't really have much advice but I do know where you are coming from. BM over here was exactly the same way. Back then, DH always took his niece or BIL with him as a witness and just made the exchange as quick as possible.
I didn't go with him until much later because I felt I shouldn't have to deal with the bitch and I thought it might set her off more. In hindsight, she would not have acted as bad had I been there. She does not like to show her crazy to just anybody and is actually intimidated by me (but I did not know that, then).
Over time, BM calmed down and as SD got older, she came out to the car on her own and went into the house on her own when DH dropped her off, so he didn't have to deal with BM.
I am sorry you are dealing with this but mostly sorry that your SS7 has to see it.
I will tell you that in the beginning of my relationship with DH, BM called me several times. I told her I'd sue her for harassment if she EVER called me again. She never called me again and she kept her distance from me. I can count on one hand how many times I've talked to her and seen her and I've been with DH almost 19 years.
Sometimes, women like that have to know that you mean business and that you are not intimidated by them. When they know you are willing to stand up for yourself, some of them will back down.
Contact the police department
Contact the police department where you will do the exchange. They will probably be able to have an officer do a "civil standby" - the officer will be there simply to keep the peace. If they won't do that, at least help will be close. Park where you are in view of a security camera.
Most RO's would give a certain distance that BM would have to stay away from you. If you go to exchanges, that would be a violation. The court could also argue that if you are afraid enough for an RO why would you be ok with going to exchanges. Is there someone else that can go with your husband and film the exchange?
You might want to consider stepping up security at your house. Good locks on door and windows and outside security cameras are a good place to start.
Have someone record her. Let
Have someone record her. Let her now that all exchanged will be recorded since she cannot be cordial for exchanges. After BM acted a fool one or twice I let her know we had security cameras installed so she won't be able to lie to the judge like she does to all her friends anymore. She hasn't tried anything since.
Recording is good, but why is
Recording is good, but why is DH getting out of the car at all? SS is old enough to walk to and from her house on his own. If you don't give BM the chance to be confrontational, she will have a lot more trouble doing so.