Your stories have made me appreciate my situation.
I've been here for awhile and I've noticed I am a minority here. I have read so many blogs about SM feeling like the kids are ruling the house hold and there DHs are not willing to step in and help. Sometimes I want to face palm and other times I want to scream at my phone.
I guess I have a strong personality and I would never let my skid or dh act like this. But those type of blogs make me feel better about my situation. Granted ss has had his fair share of issues this last year and BM is crazy. But I don't experience half the crap that other SMs post about. This is the first summer that I'm actually enjoying ss being in the house. He can watch BS so I can get a few things done. I will ask him to pick up the house while I am at work and he does.
I guess we are all different here.
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Me too, and hello fellow
Me too, and hello fellow Midwestern (Iowa here)!
I first came across this site when I was fairly new to the relationship. It was my first relationship that involved children (no bios for me). I was a mess. I googled, "I hate my stepdaughter" and found Steptalk!
I've learned so much since then about boundaries, respect, roles, and such. I don't post much myself because things have gone pretty well in the past year or so.
I will say that my SO is a strong parent and doesn't neglect his parental duties like so many others here.
BM, while absent and a little neglectful, isn't as near as awful as others here.
The skids have their own annoyances and issues, but again, not as near as awful as others.
It's helped me be very thankful and grateful for what I have.
Minnesota here.
Minnesota here.
I think I stopped caring
I think I stopped caring about BMs drama when I had BS. I beleive that helped me a lot. I've just stopped caring about how ss will turn out.
A skid who'll babysit and a
A skid who'll babysit and a skid who'll pick up the house. What are these mysterious creatures of which you speak?
Yes he is great at doing what
Yes he is great at doing what I ask. But he is also the kid that stole my underwear and tried to steal other various items in the house. I nipped that in the butt real quick. I made him sell some of his favorite vidoe games to pay back for the stolen undies. His room also gets a random strip search and I have a lock on my door. He is also PASing out by BM, he just doesn't engage much when he is here. But I still give him chores and ask for help and he does it. Dh has never been a Disney dad and I think that helps a lot.
If your DH has never been a
If your DH has never been a Disney dad then that's why it's better.
My BM is ok, she's a little disengaged from the SDs but she doesn't cause drama. So that's on our side.
But my DP cannot say NO and cannot "tell" them to do something. He "suggests" or "politely asks if you could please maybe do this sometime...?" I am not looking forward to the rapidly approaching teen years...I may have to live in our bedroom.
I'm incredibly lucky too. My
I'm incredibly lucky too. My skids are adults and they are great, not perfect by any means but not as bad as what I've read on here.
Any issues we've had have been dealt with quickly by either DH or me. Mostly DH. He hates confrontation but only up to a point, he doesn't deal with things as quickly as I'd like and not alway the way I'd like but he does take care of things before they get out of control.
BM has narcissistic traits but we mostly ignore her. Skids are close to her but are smart enough to realize when she is manipulating. I think the biggest thing is that they tell her zero about us. Not what we do with them, how much we see or talk to them, nothing. She can't get upset by what she doesn't know.
We haven't had to deal with a wedding or grandkids yet, so I wont count my chickens just yet.
I'm happy to have found this site though. When BM does do things that irk me I usually talk to my mom or girlfriends and I think they are tired of hearing me complain about her.
I only have another 5 years
I only have another 5 years until skid ages out. I am excited for when this happens. Then there won't be anymore scheduled visits and no more dealing with BM. My dh hates talking to Bm, so I think he will be more excited to ignore her then I will be. I already told dh that if ss wants to move in after high school I will leave.
Once the skids were both in
Once the skids were both in University, BM would call and say they need this or that or I need a new car to be able to drive to see them. Yep, she thought he should buy her a car because hers wasn't reliable. To be fair she'd been on that one since he'd left.
He told the skids, now that you are adults and in University if you need anything you call me, I don't want to talk to your mother.
They are good kids and never asked for more than they needed, no expectations of new cars, or trips or anything like that. It was always books, or an extra class or new shoes for bball.
Funny thing is, now they text or call me. I handle all the money. I talk to DH and transfer the money or pay for the class, If BM knew that they come to me for things she would lose her mind.
I'm lucky - even though my
I'm lucky - even though my adult SS30 is as bad as they come, my DH is no pushover. My DH knows that I enhance his life greatly while SS only brings problems. He has no problem spending his resources (time and money) on me not his worthless POS son.