SD emotional disturbed
Someone made the comment that SD is likely emotionally disturbed, I agree.
She likely is. Dh had been trying to get her evaluated. He was on a waiting list. When it finally came to the appointment, bm all of a sudden decided SD was sick. So she wasn't able to make the appointment. Dh rescheduled, it had to be about a week out, then BM decided that SD had to go to a family member's wedding, she conveniently forgot about. We haven't told BM about the last few appointments, but something has mysteriously come up for those as well. So now the place we were going to take SD told us they will no longer accept appointments. Now dd is on the next waiting list.
BM finds out about SD being seen because it goes through the insurance to get approved and all insurance approvals get sent to her as well. Then she has every right to call the doctor.
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I think that at an ER the
I think that at an ER the symptoms have to be life threatening. If we took her in saying that we think she may be emotionally unstable, I'm not sure they do anything since she's not an immediate herself or someone else. If we took her in when she threatened dd, they would have had to call the police.
When I was at the ER a while
When I was at the ER a while back for a broken arm.. the lady was asking me all kind of standard questions Do you smoke? No. Are you taking an medications? No. Do you feel like harming yourself or others? Huh?? I just stopped and looked at her like she had 3 heads??? Where did THAT come from, I'm here for a broken arm! She laughed and said it's something new they are required to ask EVERYONE. I asked her if harming my husband counted, but she said immediate family members did not count.
I believe both parents need
I believe both parents need to sign a consent for treatment form before a therapist will see a child.
ETA: in a custody situation
Unfortunately, if the parents
Unfortunately, if the parents cannot agree, then the court will have to make the call to force treatment or not.
I have been in this boat. We had to take Medusa to court to get the skids into therapy.
Yep - therapists will insist
Yep - therapists will insist on a consent from both parents, if joint custody is in place. If one parent has sole legal custody, then no.
Did you have joint legal and
Did you have joint legal and physical though?
If SD is assessed and found
If SD is assessed and found to need treatment BM shouldn't be able to stop it.
If it came right down to it, Dad and SM should be able to go to court, present the findings and ask why BM would want to prevent her child from getting help. If she doesn't think anything is wrong, then get a second opinion.
This child needs someone to stand up for her. It should be her Father.
I don't think we'd be able to
I don't think we'd be able to afford that. They would likely want to see SD a few times a week for extensive at first with the cost being pretty hefty, it could totally wipe our account clean of both our money. And then some.
A decent therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist costs a couple hundred a session, especially if the sessions are extensive. This month alone could cost us over 5000 dollars EASILY.
If your income is low enough,
If your income is low enough, there are places that will work on a sliding-scale fee.
How many places have you/DH actually called?
I truly hope so, or let SD
I truly hope so, or let SD live with BM and we can go to eowe. We already pay 500 a month in child support and have SD 50/50... if she was only here part time I think a lot of stress would be lifted off this house, me, my kids, and SD.
It shouldn't, that's what he
It shouldn't, that's what he was paying the whole time, even when he did have 80/20
SD says she likes the 50/50,
SD says she likes the 50/50, i'd prefer 80/20. Dh probably would prefer 50/50 over 80/20 but we have to think of what's best for the house hold as a whole
Exactly, it depends on the
Exactly, it depends on the sessions, and the frequency how expensive it will be
You don't know how often
You don't know how often they'll want to see her.
Just work on getting an assessment. They could say she's fine, just a lonely kid. Then there's no worry about the cost.
If she does need more, then insurance can step in and pay.
After they notify bm... then
After they notify bm... then we will be in deep shit
I don't understand why you'd
I don't understand why you'd be in deep shit? Pay for the first assessment, if she needs more insurance takes over.
Your post says that DH has been making appointments and BM has been missing them. She's passive aggressive.
She already knows DH wants to get SD assessed, if you were going to be in deep shit, guess what you're already there. Actually following through isn't going to stir up anything new.
Well, I'll talk to dh about
Well, I'll talk to dh about this, see what he thinks, but I'm sure that somehow this will look like an underhanded move somewhere along the way
Again I don't
Again I don't understand.
This blog post is about how DH has appointments set up and BM purposely misses them.
You want to take SD for an assessment without BM knowing when it is so that she can not prevent it.
You have SD 50/50 and BM still manages to find a way to get her on the days of the appointments that she has found out about because insurance notifies her.
When it's suggest that you pay out of pocket for the assessment so that BM has no prior knowledge of it, you say it might be seen as underhanded?
How? BM knows you want to take her an assessment. This is not news to her. If she says she wasn't notified tell her it's because she missed the last 2 - 4 - 6 - 8 appointments!
If it's just bm that he's
If it's just bm that he's worried about I'm sure we'd do that. But we are talking about going outside of what the court order says. We are looking at facing penalties by the legal system
Look it's obvious that you
Look it's obvious that you just want to vent and you want people to agree with you and commiserate with you.
There really isn't anything wrong with that, but from what I've read, most people on here are looking for help and ideas on what to do. How to get through this crap that's been dealt to them.
Maybe you should preface your blogs with "just need to vent"
No, it's that we've tried a
No, it's that we've tried a lot of this, we've tried not telling bm, we've tried spelling with BM, we've been on waiting lists. We've looked into paying cash. We Haven't tried paying out of pocket for just the initial assessment, we've not looked at paying for just one, and then go from there... that's why I said I'll try talking to dh about that.
"If it's just bm that he's
"If it's just bm that he's worried about I'm sure we'd do that. But we are talking about going outside of what the court order says. We are looking at facing penalties by the legal system"
Then go to court and tell them that she's missed all of the appointments. COs work both ways.
My sons was 90 a session. No
My sons was 90 a session. No ins
Never asked for custody
Never asked for custody paperwork either
Right? What's the point if BM
Right? What's the point if BM is going to sensor everything SD is going to say? When dd goes to therapy Im not even allowed to go in. Once in a while I'm allowed to go in and talk about progress at home, new concerns and what not.
With all due respect, this is
With all due respect, this is different. Nunya has said that they've had appointments set up that BM has purposely missed. BM hasn't tried to go with SD to the assessment. She's kept her from them.
Nunya has said nothing about BM fighting them about it or saying she had to be at the sessions. BM has just been passively aggressively stopping SD from going. How many times, I'm not sure? But enough that the office said no more, find a new Dr. Keep in mind that Nunya and DH have SD 50/50. So, yes BM is persistent but still hasn't said no to the assessment.
And Nunya is trying to find out if SD is emotionally disturbed, not the same as a therapy session. That can be ascertained even if the parent is in the room.
As for your situation I would have found a new therapist, one who could control the session. Not all therapists are created equal.
We do have 50/50 but most of
We do have 50/50 but most of the time we've made appointments, they've been on dh's time, I think one of them were on bm's time (like the 2nd or 3rd one). And each time bm comes up with an excuse as to why SD can't make it this time. We haven't told SD about making a new appointment for the majority of these appointments that we've made, knowing she tells bm everything. Dh says he's going to call a few places tomorrow and check cash prices.
If they are on your time, why
If they are on your time, why are you allowing BM to take SD away during the appointment times?
"They've been on dh's time, I think one of them were on bm's time (like the 2nd or 3rd one). And each time BM comes up with an excuse as to why SD can't make it this time"
I'm really trying to understand this. Does BM come into your home and take SD whenever she wants? is it a regular thing for her to interfere with your time?
I'm not allowing anything.
I'm not allowing anything. BM comes up worth excuses, family weddings, appointments with photographers, gnarly member's birthdays, and then either she noticed SD was running a fever, or the event took longer than she thought. SD really missed me, can I keep her one more day. If dh says no, then BM starts bitching, crying, harassing dh. There has been a total of 8 appointments that we made and cancelled. Dh is the one who allows this, not me. I think he allows it because it's easier for him to keep his head in the sand if SD doesn't get evaluated. Maybe I'm wrong, but I think that's what it boils down do. BM creating an out, and dh taking it.
Not sure why but your posts
Not sure why but your posts are being displayed twice. Are you able delete the duplicates?
Once or twice is realistic. Eight times is not. There is no reason she should be interfering with your time that much.
Yes, it's DHs fault, I totally agree with that. However, I'm just not buying the fact that she can walk in and out of your lives and his time with his daughter this much.
At least one of these times you could have said no to the photos, or the birthday party, or whatever event she made up.
If it wasn't a Drs appointment, if it was some family thing you'd planned you would have said no, DH would have said no. We are talking about 8 times!
All this subterfuge and having to sneak her to the appointment is unnecessary.
The next appointment, when BM says oh, we have party, say no. She is not going to the party she is going to the Dr. If BM whines and wails so be it, if she threatens court, say bring it on. I can not believe she has this much control over you and the time you have SD.