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Day 1 of the New World Order.....

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Thu, 10/08/2015 - 11:12am

So, last night, DH handed ASS The List and told him there would be no debates or discussions about it. At the top of the list is "ASS must apologize to WOB for the CPS incident and the shoving/pushing incident."

When he came out of ASS's room, he told me that he had given him the list. I smiled and said, "oh. That's nice."

This morning, as I was getting dressed, I said to DH, "oh, hey, about that apology? Did you put a deadline on it?" He told me that he didn't, but ASS said he would do it this morning. He then said, "what time is it?" I told him it was 7:15. He said, "so, I am guessing he didn't apologize to you this morning, huh?" Nope...

So then I asked DH if he gave ASS the phone and electronics back. Nope, ASS has to follow the new rules for "a little while before he gets his stuff back."

Oh, that's nice.

Kissed DH on the forehead and went back to getting dressed.

Comments

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Thu, 10/08/2015 - 11:21am

I don't, and I am a little irritated that ASS couldn't even do the first thing on the list, but I will behave like Colonel Klink - "I know nothing!!"

Ninji's picture

Submitted by Ninji on Thu, 10/08/2015 - 11:25am

I hate when they don't give deadlines. My SO will tell the SKids, You need to clean the hamster cages sometime this weekend. Then get upset they didn't do it. What he should say is "Go clean the hamster cages now"

Same as your DH. He should say to ASS...Go apologize now

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Thu, 10/08/2015 - 11:58am

yes, it is completely stupid, forced and pointless. HOWEVER, it is the thing that ASS wants to do the least, and it's on the list. DH says if ASS wants his stuff back, he will just have to suck it up and apologize.

DH said in his dream world, I would tell ASS that I was sorry for causing him any stress. I said, "that's nice" and then we both cracked up.

I am sure he WOULD like me to apologize to ASS, but that's not going to happen.

Tuff Noogies's picture

Submitted by Tuff Noogies on Thu, 10/08/2015 - 12:38pm

bravo to both you and dh.

enjoy being on the same team together Wink

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Thu, 10/08/2015 - 12:26pm

I agree.. I'd rather have nothing than some forced, insincere apology a month after the incident. I don't even understand what this is supposed to be "teaching" this kid?

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Thu, 10/08/2015 - 12:48pm

part of the process for ASS to get his stuff back.

The apology is not about me, it's about making ASS do something he really, really, really, really doesn't want to do. DH wants to see how bad ASS wants his stuff back.

I predict that ASS will get his stuff back never. Prideful, narcissistic bitch, just like his mother.

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Thu, 10/08/2015 - 1:29pm

I guess that's my point though. What is the point of an apology if the apology is garnered from a threat? To me it actually defies the definition of the word "apology" which is a regretful acknowledgement or expression of regret.

Nope what Ass is going to do is make a statement under duress and I just don't see the point. But whatever, I think we should start a pool on how long this kid can hold out.

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Thu, 10/08/2015 - 1:37pm

I see your point. The point of this apology is to make ASS do something he doesn't want to do. There really isn't any threat attached to it, though. DH has had ASS's electronics (mostly) since August, and he will continue to keep them until ASS does the things on the List with regularity.

Actually, that one kind of surprised me. When DH said he wasn't going to give them back until ASS managed to do these things in a consistent manner, I praised him (shoutout to Cadence, WTF, and the others) for having consequences.

zerostepdrama's picture

Submitted by zerostepdrama on Thu, 10/08/2015 - 1:38pm

I think its a form of punishment. He doesnt want to do something, so he is being forced to do it. The ultimate punishment.

If MSD was forced to apologize to me, I think it would physically hurt her to do it.LOL She'd probably rather swallow 20 razorblades then apologize to me.

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Thu, 10/08/2015 - 11:51am

You did not even last a minute! lol

Total disengagement means to not even ask about any of that crap to do with ASS.

Wouldn't you have rather talked to DH about something this morning that had NOTHING to do with ASS. Like the weather, traffic, how much you love each other. ANYTHING! Something other than ASS.

And I would not say a word if DH gives ASS back all his crap. Even if it is today. That should not concern you. Not your monkey not your circus!! Remember?

I think you and DH need to set aside 10 minutes every week that DH gets to tell you what is going on with ASS. Other than that...ignore it and dont' talk about him.

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Thu, 10/08/2015 - 11:59am

I am okay with this instance because it had to do with me.

Other than this conversation this morning, I will not make one mention of ASS to DH.

zerostepdrama's picture

Submitted by zerostepdrama on Thu, 10/08/2015 - 1:13pm

DH wavered a bit when MSD and I got into it and then he snapped out of it. Definite deal breaker if he didnt support me on that issue. I cant say that he responded perfect and it definitely caused some issues with us initially but he now knows its a deal breaker.

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Submitted by notsurehowtodeal on Fri, 10/09/2015 - 12:44am

This is the part that has concerned me through this whole saga. That kid laid hands on her with no real consequences. Since then he has had several over-the-top angry outbursts. When does he turn physical again?

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Thu, 10/08/2015 - 12:49pm

I have done this on numerous occasions if DH is not paying attention to me. I have 38DDs now - they work every single time!!

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Thu, 10/08/2015 - 12:57pm

The scary part, with ASS coming up on 18 and out of high school, is the deadline thing. Is your DH going to be able to put a deadline on anything?

Yes, the apology will be meaningless but, like you said, the apology is not the point. ASS has to learn to do as he's told by an authority figure whether he likes it or not. Even if it's fake, one has to learn to play well with others.

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Thu, 10/08/2015 - 12:59pm

Well if he doesn't put a deadline on it, then I WILL be moving out!!

DH has always said that ASS goes to college or moves out after high school graduation - if he backslides on that, then the choice to leave will be mine to make and I will make it.

zerostepdrama's picture

Submitted by zerostepdrama on Thu, 10/08/2015 - 1:09pm

OSD once "apologized" to me, but it was only because DH told her too. And then followed it up with "I'll forgive you for fighting with my dad, if you forgive me for sending you mean texts and posting stuff about your on FB."

Ummmm no thanks... Apology not accepted.

Insincere apologies are so uncomfortable. Will your DH expect you to be grateful for the apology? Or does he know that it is really just a form of punishment? Like the "apology" is just to punish ASS and not really be an apology at all.

Would an apology make you feel better?

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Thu, 10/08/2015 - 1:29pm

I don't care at all about the apology, but I do think it's a great exercise for ASS to have to do something that he really really really doesn't want to do in order to get the things that he really really really wants back }:)

Allegedly, ASS has been told that he is to apologize and that's it - no "well if you apologize for this than I will apologize for that" bullshit.

DH does not expect me to be grateful. Thank goodness!!

onwednesdayswewearpink's picture

Submitted by onwednesdayswew... on Thu, 10/08/2015 - 1:16pm

You need to completely disengage and let your dh handle these kids. Kids are shit heads. All of them are big giant mess making shitheads. And no good is going to come from you nitpicking this kid and then tattling to his dad about every little thing.

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Thu, 10/08/2015 - 1:26pm

I don't nitpick ASS. Over the last three months, I have engaged with him exactly two times. That's hardly nitpicking, Wednesday.

onwednesdayswewearpink's picture

Submitted by onwednesdayswew... on Thu, 10/08/2015 - 1:34pm

It's not about liking or disliking someone, I just think that there is a lot of nitpicking. You don't say it to him but you tell his father to go handle it. So yes, it is nitpicking.

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Thu, 10/08/2015 - 1:42pm

No, I don't "tell his father to handle it." I handle it. Yes, I did tell DH that ASS swore at me, but that is hardly a "lot of nitpicking."

And as long as we are nitpicking, you initially said that I was constantly nitpicking ASS. Not true.

onwednesdayswewearpink's picture

Submitted by onwednesdayswew... on Thu, 10/08/2015 - 1:53pm

Listen, all I'm saying is that it sounds like this kid gets rode a lot for pretty much teenage stuff. You wanted custody, fought the rice slinger for custody and then won, so now your prize is three little mini assholes. And when you prod them the assholiness gets worse. My kids are awful sometimes, and if they weren't mine I would have a really hard time handling them. So maybe stepping back and just letting go would do you and him some good.

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Thu, 10/08/2015 - 2:01pm

Rice slinger??? You have me confused with someone else.

No, this kid does NOT get ridden a lot. He stays in his room, at the library after school and comes home after we are in bed.

It was not me who wanted custody, nor was it DH. In the beginning, he was simply trying to get his parenting time enforced and expanded a little bit.

I can't remember who you used to be, but I think your facts are a little fast and loose.

WTF...REALLY's picture

Submitted by WTF...REALLY on Thu, 10/08/2015 - 2:19pm

What was her name.....the SM with the bio Rice Slinger? I miss her....she was very funny!!!!!

And WOB's BM is not Rice Slinger. Wednesday...your giving crap to the wrong person.

zerostepdrama's picture

Submitted by zerostepdrama on Thu, 10/08/2015 - 2:32pm

Hollow Points/Chokin on Lemons and other names that I cant remember.

WTF...REALLY's picture

Submitted by WTF...REALLY on Thu, 10/08/2015 - 3:13pm

Don't know if you remember....she stabbed a stranger who did not want to give her drunk ass ride a home.....oh, the memories....... :sick:

ChokinOnLemonz2015's picture

Submitted by ChokinOnLemonz2015 on Thu, 10/08/2015 - 2:54pm

And now another because I forgot my password. But I haven't posted in ages and probably won't again for awhile. Lol

HollowPoints, ChokinOnLemonz, Love4Lemons

onwednesdayswewearpink's picture

Submitted by onwednesdayswew... on Thu, 10/08/2015 - 3:05pm

Why are you deleting my comments? I have said nothing derogatory.

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Thu, 10/08/2015 - 3:12pm

your comments got caught up because they were in response to something I deleted. I had no issues with what you said, Wednesdays.

twoviewpoints's picture

Submitted by twoviewpoints on Thu, 10/08/2015 - 3:13pm

Because she wanted to... in her own blog it is her option to do so.

If she quietly deleted you, why not take the hint? She doesn't have to give you a reason. That's what the delete button is for... to use at her own discretion. *shrugs* life goes on.

onwednesdayswewearpink's picture

Submitted by onwednesdayswew... on Thu, 10/08/2015 - 3:16pm

Just like your name says, this board is here to give viewpoints. It's odd to delete those that don't match your views wouldn't you agree?

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Thu, 10/08/2015 - 3:19pm

I deleted a comment by another poster. When you delete something, all comments made in response to the one you are deleting also disappear.

I wish it wasn't like that, but it is.

Tuff Noogies's picture

Submitted by Tuff Noogies on Thu, 10/08/2015 - 2:19pm

medusa.

moeilijk's picture

Submitted by moeilijk on Thu, 10/08/2015 - 2:35pm

xxx

ChokinOnLemonz2015's picture

Submitted by ChokinOnLemonz2015 on Thu, 10/08/2015 - 2:57pm

Um RiceSlinger is the sainted mother of MY skids. Which there are only two. That my husband had custody of years before he even met me. Wink

I haven't even been on here so long I forgot my password. No reason to be here. Happily disengaged.

onwednesdayswewearpink's picture

Submitted by onwednesdayswew... on Thu, 10/08/2015 - 3:15pm

My bad, I got the two names mixed up. The riceslinger is chokins and the beast is Former's/wob.

zerostepdrama's picture

Submitted by zerostepdrama on Thu, 10/08/2015 - 1:41pm

In all fairness, we can say there are a lot of posters here who dont like each other at some point and will still try to offer helpful advice. Smile

WTF...REALLY's picture

Submitted by WTF...REALLY on Thu, 10/08/2015 - 1:55pm

My favorite part of your post is where you and DH laughed together. That is really great! Biggrin

And I think your step kid should apologize, for the very fact that he really really really does not want to. Way to go DH!

My bet is by this weekend....DH is gonna make him. What are we betting for in this pool anyway? Winner gets a trip to Paris?

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Thu, 10/08/2015 - 2:11pm

"And I think your step kid should apologize, for the very fact that he really really really does not want to"

yep - and that is the very point!!!

We should set the over/under on how many days it takes ASS to apologize.

Tuff Noogies's picture

Submitted by Tuff Noogies on Thu, 10/08/2015 - 2:16pm

i dont think he will. i think he'll ride the rest of the school year out with no electronics, because to apologize would be bowing to the tyranny of the oppressive family governmental machine.
Wink

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Thu, 10/08/2015 - 2:48pm

DING DING DING!!!

I think you are exactly right....besides, you can't complain about being held down by the man if you aren't being held down by the man, right??

WTF...REALLY's picture

Submitted by WTF...REALLY on Thu, 10/08/2015 - 1:58pm

And...... My two cents on the whole disengagement thing

If the monkey lives in your tent, he/she is part of your circus.

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Thu, 10/08/2015 - 2:05pm

especially when that circus is going 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

Being a fulltimer is sooooooo different from being an EOW or EOWE....

zerostepdrama's picture

Submitted by zerostepdrama on Thu, 10/08/2015 - 2:14pm

If I had skids living in my house and it was constant issues/fights/drama, etc. I dont think I could stay married. That is why any skids living with us are deal breakers and DH knows that.

Thankfully 3/4 skids are 18+ and I rarely see YSD16. Not that we dont have issues. Because there are a whole nother slew of issues when your skids are older, have their own kids and dont want to/aren't allowed to come around.

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Thu, 10/08/2015 - 2:49pm

10 months til ASS graduates from high school.

2.3 more years for Karate Kid and 4.3 more for BabyVoice.

Blah....

notasm3's picture

Submitted by notasm3 on Thu, 10/08/2015 - 3:08pm

I think because I am older and grew up when my generation and for sure my parents' generation were considered adults by their mid-teens I have no use for babyfied 16 and 17 year olds.

A hundred years ago 17 year olds were often raising children, fighting wars and working in hard jobs living independently. Not that I'd like to go back to that mode of living. But I would have no problem telling a 16 or 17 year old asshole to STFU and leave if they wanted to.

Authorities can force a parent to take a child back in or support them but they rarely force a child to go back to a home at that age.

So again it's a damn good thing that my SS was about 23 when I came into DH's life. The only reason I do not go off on SS now is that I NEVER see or talk to him. DH has not pressed me to at all. If he ever does I will just remind him that I will have NO filter when it comes to dealing with SS30.

IslandGal's picture

Submitted by IslandGal on Thu, 10/08/2015 - 9:33pm

I reckon you guys should just sell all his shit on ebay or something 'cos this kid ain't gonna apologise. To do so, would mean you guys were..(gasp!) right and he would be acknowledging that he behaved despicably.

You aren't a nitpicker darlz..we know the crap you're dealing with and not only understand - but support you all the way!

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Fri, 10/09/2015 - 8:27am

nope, there is no way in hell this kid is going to apologize. And that's his choice.

DH's choice is to stay firm in his resolve.

My choice is to walk on by Smile