Laziest BM in the world... absolutely ridiculous
It's been a long time since I've been on here. The need to vent in a safe place over some recent events has brought me back.
I'm a SM to two SK's (SS/SD 14yo twins). Ironically, the kids have been pretty decent lately. I guess... I don't involve myself with them so I honestly have no idea what's going on with them.
On to what's happened recently:
This morning DH comes to me to ask if we can still access the child support website to print out a report as proof of payments he's made. I asked him why. I shouldn't have asked. Dammit. He shares with me (information gleaned from the father of BM's oldest daughter):
Apparently BM is making her oldest daughter/18yo pay **full** utilities, buy food for the entire family (BM, 3 siblings, and herself), pay the full rent amount, etc on the house that they all live in. DH tells me that BM has told her oldest daughter that he isn't paying support for the twins, and that's "why they never have food in the house, oldest daughter has to pay all of the utilities, and the rent on their place, etc." Furthermore, BM told her oldest daughter that the father to her youngest child "only gives her $20 a week." The father to the oldest daughter called my DH (they are friends) to share this latest BM bullsh*t with him. My DH offered up the payment report/print-out from the state for that father to show to his daughter so that she can know that her mother is lying to her.
I could care less about DH sharing that information with his friend. I don't even care that someone not directly involved in our situation sees it.
Why do I need to vent?
Because what the h*ll kind of mother lies to her child about her finances in order to force that child to carry the mothers full financial responsibility for her own damn family?
Seriously. The amount of f*cked up in this situation just blew my mind. What a lazy scum. Get a freaking J-O-B already.
History: BM refuses to work. Family Court judge will only impute a part-time minimum wage job to off-set the support amount, even though she has an earning potential of approx. $40k per year. BM complains that the current support amount of $1,000.00 per month that DH pays "isn't enough." No b*tch. It's more than plenty. FOR THE KIDS. She is only correct that the amount isn't enough to also support her lazy *ss with it too. But to withhold that money from the household completely in order to force her oldest daughter to carry the entire financial burden for the family?? Ho-ly crap. :jawdrop:
I hope that the father of BMs oldest daughter does show her that report. And I secretly (not-so-secretly) hope that the oldest daughter kicks BMs *ss. Or something. I mean, we share that report with the twins whenever BM tells them that DH isn't paying. They now no longer believe her whenever she tries to pull that scam on them, because every. single. time. we've been able to prove that she's lying. We've even shared it with BMs family, because she was trying to scam money out of them with the same excuse (they came banging on our door screaming at DH about being a "dead beat." Um, excuse me. NO!).
Dumb b*tch is running out of people to scam using the same ol' tired lie. Why the f*ck doesn't she just get a JOB? It seems like it would be just so much easier.
/end rant
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Comments
They used to believe her
They used to believe her (because why wouldn't they?), but they no longer do since we started showing them the reports.
As for how they treated him/us? Giiiiiiiiiirl. I could tell you stories that would make your hair curl. "Terrible" doesn't even begin to describe it.
I concur. I don't involve
I concur. I don't involve myself in most of her shinanigans. I disengaged a few years ago. Best decision I ever made for myself...
We deal with the stealing
We deal with the stealing thing too. DH looks the other way, because he knows BM isn't buying those items for them.
SD steals feminine items from me. I choose to look the other way. I mean, if she doesn't have pads/tampons/razors/etc at home... one can't argue that she doesn't need them. I just go out and buy myself more... with DH's money. So it all evens out in the end.
HAHAHA!! Seriously, I think
HAHAHA!! Seriously, I think we are living the same life. I now have a room in our basement, that has a door with a LOCK on it. All of my valuables go into that room. DH doesn't even have a key to the door.
BWHAHAHAHAAA!!!!
I think we're twin souls. I
I think we're twin souls. I would have done the same thing (taken it away). Except, I probably would have taken it away after the first time she used it. 'cause I'm just a b*tch about that kind of stuff now.
Let the girl learn how to mix cookie dough by hand. Be good for her. Builds muscle and character. Just like people had to do it in the old days. BWAHAHAHAHAA
In my case I do not think it
In my case I do not think it was BM who was doing the lying. SS used to tell me about how impoverished his childhood was (he was in his early 20s when I met him).
BM has a degree in a science field and has had a very good job at the same place for over 30 years now. That bastard SS does not know what real poverty is. No they were not rich like many of the kids at his expensive private school - but poor? No way. Not even counting the CS that was paid.
SS used to moan that he never got to do anything and beg to go on vacations with DH and I since his mother had always been too "poor" to take him anyplace. No - she just chose to pay for his expensive schools and to pay off her home and not go in debt to go to Disneyworld. Not unreasonable at all.
I grew up in real poverty in an intact home. We often had no money at all. No deodorant, no toothpaste - eating beans for weeks. (I am old and this was before any food stamps or other help). It inspired me to get an education and make sure that I could always take care of myself. Not to whine about how my parents didn't buy me stuff.
IF I still talked to SS I'd probably tell him that he didn't deserve shit as he's too worthless to even exist. But my now total lack of filter is why I do not communicate with him at all.
Do you think his perspective
Do you think his perspective is shaped by the people he went to school with?
To some extent yes. But I
To some extent yes. But I still think that's on him.
I went to college at a very exclusive women's college (full scholarship) where many of the students came from extremely wealthy homes. I remember going shopping with a roommate who bought a diamond necklace to wear to a party. She could write a check for any amount. I did not receive 5 cents from my parents (who did not have it to spare).
But I never resented my parents for not having money. It was just a fact. That's the difference between me and SS30. He felt like he was deprived and put upon. I just accepted reality.
I was motivated to do well and provide for myself. SS30 is content to just wallow in his feelings of being deprived.
I find it interesting in life
I find it interesting in life how it's so easy for some people to wallow in their own self-imposed victim status. No matter what, everything is always someone else's fault. It's got to be a symptom of a mental illness...
dup
dup
Your BM is one classy lady.
Your BM is one classy lady. Hopefully the oldest daughter finds a roommate and moves out.
Right?!?!? At this point,
Right?!?!? At this point, it's going to be cheaper for her to move out, even without a roommate. I mean, she's currently supporting a family of 5 on whatever income she has (and whatever tax payer/state assistance BM gets from the state).
...and all because BM is too lazy to get a job herself. Seriously, WHO DOES THAT TO THEIR CHILD?!?!
I can't even wrap my brain around it.
I so feel you on this. BM in
I so feel you on this. BM in our situation was the sort that PAS'ed their kids against DH. She's had two of her grown children move in to pay the bills due to her incompetence. They feel responsible for her wellbeing and her mental health. The mental health thing is a convenient trick to pull out of the bag. She used that mental health 'I just don't know if I'm going to be ok' junk on SS. BM was wanting to tell her older son who is currently paying her bills to piss off and move younger son who lives with us in with her to....you guessed it....pay her way. SS was feeling pressured and DH let him know (after being silent about the other two kids moving in at different times to pay Mama's way) that wasn't it convenient for her? What had she done for him the entire time he's lived with us? Had she sent a single dime for him? Had she attempted to have him visit in the over a year? DH didn't want another of his kids to move in and pay the way for that albatross of a BM.
I hate to say this out loud,
I hate to say this out loud, because I don't want to put it out into the universe as something that could actually happen, but here goes:
I predict that one of BMs daughters (either SD14, or the oldest) will end up pregnant. BM will then use that baby to continue to live off the state/welfare. Whichever daughter it is (or maybe BM will do it to both daughters, who knows), will get pregnant and BM will do everything in her power to ensure that said daughter and child live with her. Up to and including, attempting to/succeeding at destroying the daughters relationship with the father of the child.
It honestly would not surprise me...