Physical fights between DH and BS14
What to do when your husband and 14yo son keep getting into it? BS14 has hit puberty and has grown taller than DH so he's about 5'11" and 135lbs and has the same temperament I remember having at that age; put your hands on me and I'll kick your ass before I even realize I've done so. He's explained this to DH several times and we've both asked DH not to put his hands on BS14 for this reason, not to mention, I don't feel physical intimidation is necessary.
SS14 is only 5'0" and about 85lbs. DH thinks nothing of smacking him in the back of the head though SS's response is to cry. DH rationalizes the situation with my son by saying he treats him just like SS without taking into consideration that they are two VERY different kids and in every other aspect of our lives, he treats his differently (read:better) than my son. This is the 2nd time in a month that they've gotten into it because DH started it.
What makes it worse is that DH wants me to side with him and tell BS not to touch "my husband". I grew up in an abusive household and my mother always backed my stepfather, no matter how wrong he was, no matter how much he physically abused me or my sister and I can't/won't be that person. BS isn't a troublemaker, he's no angel but he's not startinf these fights, he's just trying to finish them. Last night it was because he took a stale cookie and tapped it on the table to show it was stale. Before I could even say anything DH had hit him in the head.
I really don't know what to do. The first time he told BS to get out of the house and I walked out with him;grabbed him a jacket and told him to get into the car. Worst of all DH keeps telling me what HIS mother did when he was younger. I told him I'm not his mother. Shit can't go on like this....
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Comments
Your husband is an a** and
Your husband is an a** and neither child should be getting hit in the head.
What would I do? I wouldn't be there nor would my kid be.
I agree. I would not be okay
I agree. I would not be okay with him hitting my son in any way. Things are only going to escalate. Your son should also learn to fight "smart" and not with his temper because he's going to end up getting trouble. When DH hits him, he should walk straight to you and let you handle it.
Hit that effer on the back of
Hit that effer on the back of the head with a cast iron skillet. I'll even lend you my chicken fryer for the job.
^^^^This! Then pack your bags
^^^^This! Then pack your bags and get out! No man on this planet should ever hit you or your son. Ever!
You picked a real winner
You picked a real winner there. You should be proud of yourself. Edit: You should send your BS to his dad since you are unable to give him a decent, safe home. Also, let BM know he son is being hit while he's with his "father". I would want to know if I were your SS's BM, so I could make adjustments, and/or kill my son's "father".
EVERYTHING that imasmom said.
EVERYTHING that imasmom said. And do it all ASAP.
Hopefully someone calls CPS
Hopefully someone calls CPS on you and your husband(your husband for knocking those boys around and you for not doing anything to protect either kid)and remove them from your home.
That I really don't know what to do line is crap. If a grown ass man is fighting your minor kid, you call the police, and leave the jerk. If you're soooooo in love that you can't leave, :sick: give the kid's dad full custody.
WTF???? He steals????
WTF???? He steals????
****
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OP commented on my post that
OP commented on my post that her DH stole an ipod for his son. I had no idea about all the rest of it.
I just read your bio. You
I just read your bio. You call the 6 year old's mother a bad mom, yet your kid is stuck with a mom who is forcing him to live in a home where he has to FIGHT her husband because he can't keep his hands off of him.
You have no room to call that other BM a bad mom when your son is being knocked around by your husband and you have no idea what to do about it.
Do you really think it's
Do you really think it's appropriate for a grown man to be physically assaulting teenage boys? You need to do something about this immediately. If you don't, I hope CPS gets involved and removes those boys from your home. I'm surprised neither of them has said anything to their other parents about what they deal with.
That fact that they are
That fact that they are physically fighting should cause CPS to take action. Workers here would pull those kids in a heartbeat. The OP and husband would both be required to take parenting classes before the kids were returned. During that time (usually takes at least a year)the parents/kids have weekly (about 2 or 3 hours)supervised visit at the foster care agency.
Lady, it's not just the smack
Lady, it's not just the smack in the head. It's the fact that this grown man keeps fighting with a kid.
Social workers here move quickly because no one wants to be left holding the bag when a kid dies at the hands of an abusive parent/step parent. . The Nixmary Brown case changed things.
A friend of mine had her kids (2 bios and 2 steps) pulled from her home because her husband slapped the oldest for talking back to her. The slap left a mark on the girl's face. The teacher noticed it, asked what happened and called CPS. By the end of the day, all 4 kids were out of the home. It took a year for her to get the kids back. She was luck enough for the agency to agree to a family placement for her bios. The two SKs ended up in a typical foster home.
Well maybe if the woman waits
Well maybe if the woman waits long enough there will be extreme abuse....a broken nose, fractured skull.
It looks like the other
It looks like the other parents aren't involved. Hopefully, one of them tells a teacher, coach, friend's parent...what is going on in they house and the call CPS. None of them should be stuck in that home
Yeah Lumypuupy, eventually
Yeah Lumypuupy, eventually this kid is going to get big enough/snap and wipe the sidewalk with her AH. Then her kid's future will be compromised because of her weakness.
My mom use to do stuff like
My mom use to do stuff like this to me and my siblings. She also use to blow smoke in our face because she knew how much I hated it and she thought it was funny. When I became a teen, I told her that if she ever did that to me again I WILL put her in her place and call CPS. She called me a disrespectful beep and proceeded to push her buttons and do it again. I slapped her cigarette out of her hand and it burned a hole in her carpet. Got on the phone call call 911. Police came, made a report, then CPS got involved. My mother had to go to parenting class.
All the men in your house
All the men in your house need to get real busy. Perhaps DH should get a part-time job on top of his full time one or join a bowling league. Kids can work too and/or get heavily involved in club activities or sports. My teen boys would be at each others throats if they didn't have demanding sports that wear them out.
Why? Why do people want to
Why? Why do people want to live this way? No one in the home is in their right mind. The kids are being raised in a fu$ked up manner. Both adults are idiots. What an Abusive Household.
You need to take your son and leave. And get therapy. You need to do better for yourself so you can do better for your son.
No man is worth this....nope, no, no way.
This is simply not acceptable
This is simply not acceptable behaviour by your DH. It just is not. It's abusive, it teaches others in the family bad things, and doesn't do an ounce of good in the long run, just damages.
If your DH will not seek counselling for himself to understand why his behaviour is unacceptable and learn new ways of parenting, then dump his ass.
First, tell your DH if he
First, tell your DH if he lays another finger on your son except for CPR you are calling the police and reporting him for assault / domestic violence and you are leaving him. He may think it is funny and cute but it isn't. If this is how he was brought up he really thinks it is 'nothing' when it is 'something'. Just lay it out there as unacceptable and this is what will happen.
Then stop using your temperament as an excuse for your son to lash out. He should be finding ways not to lash out and control his temper.
In the meantime find a safe place to go to when this happens again because it will. Why? Because you have allowed it to continue for this long DH thinks you condone it.