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It's the least you could do

TM9366's picture

UGH, if I hear this statement one more time, I'm gonna choke my husband. Since I've been out of commission for the last week due to a bad back, DH has been helping out a bit more (which I've welcomed). But had I known it was gonna be used against me later, I'd said no thanks for his help. So tonight, he does his and SS laundry, then takes it out of the dryer an leaves it on the couch. I said they'll get wrinkled, that he should at least lay them out so not to wrinkle them. He said, well I did the laundry, figured the least you could do was do that for me.

Then tonight after dinner (after I had 4 shots in my leg today, and physical therapy on my back, after I did 2 loads of laundry myself, vacuumed, took out the trash, and emptied the litter boxes) I started the beans for dinner, put them in a pot, seasoned them and put them on low to simmer. [After work, he worked on his truck for a bit] then came in and cooked hamburgers for dinner (which the patties were already premade), he cooked them on the foreman grill. I go in the kitchen after we eat, and mention he could have washed his fork and cleaned up his mess. His response, of course was, I made dinner, so figured that was the least YOU could do.

Grrrrrrrrr.....to me those words are insulting. The least you could do....as if I do nothing whatsoever. So frustrating. I'm beyond upset and my feelings are hurt with his passive aggressive b.s.

Comments

TM9366's picture

Exactly. Smh. So disrespectful. I asked him about it and why he keeps saying that, and I asked if he could not say that anymore. He said he says it because he's stepped up and done a lot, that figured me putting up or cleaning up after him is a way to show I care and show appreciation. Uhm, what?? Makes no sense to me.

SecondGeneration's picture

Sounds like you guys need to have another chat about how you sort out household chores.

My fiance and I both work, and we both do our household chores, BUT, we have different standards/expectations. In a relationship with my partner I do not and will not have continuous arguments/discussions about cleaning, I find it tiresome, parents argue with their kids about chores, I expect a partner to take pride in our home and keeping it in order. In our early days we both worked odd hours, so to make it super easy and super fair we actually wrote out a chores list.
It may sound petty but for us it worked. More recently our working hours are more normal so we tend to do "main" cleaning on the same day each week, together.
I am someone who cant stand mess in the kitchen I like dishes done immediately after eating, my fiance wouldnt bat an eye at leaving dishes overnight. Neither way is right or wrong but given how opposite they are the simple task has the ability to annoy.

We have several mini rules; whoever cooks doesn't do the dishes. Dishes have to be done daily before bed (but doesnt have to be immediately after eating).
If we are both home we clean together all at once.

I do get it though, sometimes the little things, or little comments can really work on our nerves. Just have a chat with him, make it clear you appreciate that hes been making more of an effort around the house but that the "its the least you could do" comments are starting to irritate.
Its the same thing "That was nice BUT..." its the underlining criticism

LikeMinded's picture

I think the part that people have missed here is that the OP is undergoing some kind of treatment and has been somewhat immobilized. Her DH should be cooking for her and taking care of her, and instead he's being an A$$.

It's in times like these, when we are sick and need help, that we find out whether or not we have a valuable partner or just another monkey to feed.

I guess the OP knows what she has... but she will probably stay with him.

TM9366's picture

Thanks, and yes, I've barely been getting around and have told him I appreciate his extra help. But when I go in the kitchen later (after I cleaned up most of the kitchen), and find the fork and bowl in the sink just sitting there, I got upset...I just cleaned up the most I could. After he said he didn't think it was a big deal and the least I could do was put the fork and bowl in the dishwasher for him. I said but I didn't get it out, I didn't dirty it, and I didn't leave it in the sink for someone else to clean up (the kitchen was clean). I said I'd never get stuff out, eat from it, and then leave it for you to clean up. Oh well. I did reiterate to him last night I did appreciate him helping me out the best he could. I just hate going behind people and cleaning up "their" mess when it's not my job, especially after I already cleaned up - with hurt back, wearing a back brace, limping, and not being able to stand forever. I guess I've been so independent for so long that I would never expect anyone to clean up after me and the mess I made, especially when it was clean before I went in there and left my mess, if that makes any sense.

ItsGrowingOld's picture

Your husband sounds resentful in a passive/aggressive way. He's probably pissed he had to do "woman's work" while you were down for the count. This is just my opinion.