Pros and cons??

So, on Saturday, DH asked my opinion about giving ASS back his phone and computer. I told him that I didn’t really care what he did and he was free to make whatever decision he wanted to make. He asked if I was at least a little bit curious as to why he was thinking about giving ASS back his stuff, and I said “nope, not even a little bit.”

I could tell that he wanted my thoughts, though, so I told him to tell me why he was thinking about doing it. He said several things – first, if ASS fills out any job applications, it would be impossible for any potential employers to reach him about an interview without a phone. Second, he said that ASS could use his computer to find and fill out job applications. Third, he said that if ASS wanted to take the SEO certification class DH told him about, he would need his computer to complete the class. Finally, he said that if ASS was given back the phone and computer and STILL did nothing to prepare himself for launch, then at least DH would feel like he didn’t impede ASS’s efforts.

I told him that all of those things were true and that I could see some merit in giving ASS his stuff back. I also said that if THAT’S what it takes to get this kid out of my house, then I was all for it – lol!

So, what are the pros and cons of giving ASS back his stuff? Annnnnnnndddd, go!

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i understand your dh's

i understand your dh's motivations. and i'm all for whatever it takes to hang on until the kid is OTFD.

however.... this is showing once again that no matter what, ASS can do whatever the phuc he wants, with no real long-term effects. i'd get him a cheap pre-paid phone that can only make calls and send texts. so prospective employers can contact him.

he's got internet access at the library - there is currently NOT A DAMN THING impeding him from filling out apps or taking online classes.

i'd give him the phone with service on it to last for the 90d past graduation. anything other than that i'd let mister adult handle his own s#it. there is nothing impeding ASS's efforts but his own attitude. there is nothing dh is doing to hold him back.

quick question - when ASS

quick question - when ASS leaves, is dh planning on letting him take the computer and phone too? or is that WOB-household property?

if he's planning on giving him both permanently, fine, screw it, let him have it now. but if that stuff stays (except maybe a cheap prepaid phone that he can later pay for his own minutes once he moves out) then i'd say keep it just the way it is now.

good question, tuff. I don't

good question, tuff. I don't know what DH's plans are about the computer. As for the phone, the rule in our house is if you want us to pay for your phone post high-school graduation then you go to college. I will have to ask DH what his plans are.

Technically, both are WOB-household property.

completely agree with you,

completely agree with you, tuff, as does Echo, who had to endure my texts for part of Saturday afternoon - lol!

However, if ASS takes the certification class, he needs to do that on a computer. Yeah, he could go to the library, but it's probably more likely that he will do it if it's on the computer that is in his room.

I have already told DH that there is NO WAY that we are paying for his phone when he moves out.

Although I don't believe that

Although I don't believe that ASS is going to do ANY of those things, I think it's best for your DH to have the peace of mind that he did not hinder ASS's effort (hard to type ASS and effort in the same sentence!).

If ASS asks for his

If ASS asks for his computer/phone back on his own accord and gives DH those reasons, then go ahead and give them back. It shows that he is thinking about his exit plan and how he is going to accomplish it.

If this is just your DH coming up with justifications for giving ASS his stuff back, I'd say don't do it.

DH has never tried to come up

DH has never tried to come up with a justification for returning the stuff. Not once. So, I don't think that's his motivation.

ASS hasn't asked for anything back because he would rather go without than apologize to me for what he did.

I think I will text DH and ask him if he is thinking about putting any conditions on the potential return???

ok, makes sense. as i

ok, makes sense.

as i mentioned earlier, i would get him a different phone, a cheap-o one w/ no internet/wifi/data. and pay until his 90d are up then he can figure it out from there.

as far as the computer goes, i guess i can see your dh giving it back - instead of simply not impeding ASS, having it right there may actually 'enable' him or motivate him to go for the certification class, your dh giving him as many tools as necessary and conveniently accessible, in hopes ASS will step up.

there's my 2 cents. give him a phone, albeit a cheapy, and let him have the 'puter.

I didn't think about getting

I didn't think about getting a burner phone.

I think, at the end of the day, I want DH to do whatever he needs to so that he can feel like he gave this little ASShole every chance. I never want ASS to be able to throw anything back in his face.

I just want him out of the house

The pro about DH'S peace of

The pro about DH'S peace of mind over rules the cons, in my opinion.

I really go back and forth.

I really go back and forth. I did text DH about whether or not he was going to put any restrictions on the return of the phone/computer and he said he has been thinking about it.

I think if you tell your DH

I think if you tell your DH to give Skid his stuff back you should also let your DH know that you are doing it for HIM and not skid. Honestly I think we can all agree the likelihood skid will receive calls and or put out job applications is slim to none. If I were you I would tell DH, "if you want to give him his stuff back that's your decision; you've made really good reason to give them back to him but the reality is I don't believe he will use his computer for job applications and even less so his phone to receive calls for any jobs. I would also find out what DH's plans are for what he's going to do as the weeks go by and SS still has no job or calls after he gets his stuff back.

that's pretty much what I

that's pretty much what I have said to him over the course of the last few days.

It's entirely DH's call. I am totally disengaged from ASS.

I am not doing anything, DH will be the one to make the decision and return the stuff.

I think that is what DH will

I think that is what DH will do and what I will suggest, if he asks me for my opinion.

As for the phone, I have always paid for my kids' cell phones while they were in college. ASS won't be going to college, but I will bet DH wants to still pay for his phone.

If it were my kid, and he was such an ASS to me and/or my husband? No phone for you.