Just Get Over It.

"Just Get Over It."

Really? And, he was serious.

DH told me yesterday to "just get over it" because I do not want anything to do with/do not want to spend any time in the presence of his middle daughter (SD30) since our hunting/camping trip last October (2015) regarding how his daughter (SD30) blew up on me in our camp with her yelling at me that she was going to punch me in the face because I "deserved it" along with a tirade of other threats coming from her foul mouth. She's a real gem of a stepdaughter.

Apparently, it is up to me to remedy the situation by getting over SD30's abusive behavior and allowing her back into my life and my children's lives so that DH will feel better about himself. DH claimed that it had been a year since the event and that I "should just get over it". Well, it hasn't been a year and I don't really care if it's been ten years, it doesn't matter. SD30 hasn't changed one bit. I allowed her back into my life after a couple of years of distance (SD30 was physically abusive towards me in the past) and things went along all right for a while. SD30 would get her stabbing comments in every now and then and I would let them go, but now, after her abusive fit at camp, DH wants me to "just get over it". Honestly, I don't want anything to do with her. DH can spend time with her, but I don't want anything to do with her and I don't want her around my children. SD30 is a fine actress and I know she's working on her father's emotions so she can worm her way back into my household. I don't want her in my household. I don't want her around me or my children. I avoid her whenever I can. It's a small town, but I make efforts to keep the distance.

I did inform DH that when someone says "I'm going to punch you in the face!" and "You deserve to be punched in the face!" it isn't a sign of affection. It is, however, a sign of abuse. I don't want to be exposed to it. I don't want my kids exposed to it. If DH wants to expose himself to it, well, it is up to him. He's an adult and can choose for himself, but DH doesn't need to put the rest of us in danger. DH told me "fine" and the conversation ended, but he's acted distant since yesterday morning's conversation.

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Screw him. Let him act

Screw him. Let him act distant. Dig your heels in and hold your ground. In fact, I think YOUR dh deserves to be punched in the face. You do not under any circumstances have to expose yourself to this toxic woman-child or your children for that matter.

It's unsettling to hear these

It's unsettling to hear these words come out of his mouth. And, I do agree with you, I need to hold my ground on this.

Just tell him that you are

Just tell him that you are "totally over it". So totally over her that she does not exist in your world.

There is ABSOLUTELY UNCONDITIONALLY no reason for a sane person to include an abusive ahole in their life.

I have a worthless SS who is also 30. Now he used to suck up to me big time as he thinks I am "rich". I'm not but as I am comfortably retired and he seldom has held a full-time job it looks that way to him.

But he's an alcoholic with horrible rage issues (been to jail for it). It would only be a matter of time before he became violent with me so I have virtually nothing to do with him. I've seen him twice in passing for a few minutes in the past 3 years.

He is totally nothing to me. I do not forbid my husband from going to visit him or talking to him. And my DH respects me enough not to press it.

You're situation sounds

You're situation sounds somewhat similar to mine. SD30 has major anger issues and she can go into huge, raging fits without a moments notice.

You're wise to set your boundaries. I thought I had. Guess I am, again.

Yep that is what happened

Yep that is what happened when MSD tried to fight me in my home. She doesn't exist in my world and DH should know that.

As a teenager SD30 lived in

As a teenager SD30 lived in my house for several years during which time she was physically and emotionally abusive to the other 7 family members living there (including me). I don't want her back in my home or on my property, ever at this point. I feel DH should respect that. If he wants to spend time with her somewhere else, that is fine.

Yes. SD30 is the little

Yes. SD30 is the little darling who ruined really great chili along with ruining a camping trip.

I read here everyday. I do.

I read here everyday. I do. and have for years. And your step daughter is one I will never ever ever ever forget nor that camping trip. Is your husband crazy?!?!?!

I knew instantly who your

I knew instantly who your step daughter was right when you mentioned camping.

Your DH is as batshit crazy as your step daughter is to even expect you to be near her *ss.

That was a camping trip that

That was a camping trip that should have been a week of relaxing fun. Instead, it was stressful hell thanks to SD30.

I immediately wondered if DH was feeling OK when he said it. It was a shocker. Everything's going along really good, and then, Bam! That came out of his mouth.

I have no idea how my pointy

I have no idea how my pointy toed boot ended up your ass - but you can get over that can't you?

I remember your post about

I remember your post about your SD's meltdown and attacking you. Completely unacceptable, but apparently that's the normal that existed in your H's first marriage.

You've been a loyal and loving partner to your H for many years, and you've put up with a great deal of nonsense. None of this seems to have helped where your unstable SD is concerned. Your H just wants to get back to his comfort zone, but unfortunately it lies down the rabbit hole. You are correct in maintaining your boundaries and keeping mentally unstable individuals who threaten violence out of your life. He needs to "just get over it" and get some therapy for his own issues.

I'd rather be healthy alone than crazy with my own DH's family.

I experienced similar

I experienced similar situations with SD30 when she was a teenager. She acted out all over the place, constantly. She hasn't changed. I was hoping she had changed, but underneath, I feared she hadn't. When we were camping, and she was where she felt no one could stop her, she showed her true feelings and followed them up with actions. She hadn't changed a bit, but she had gotten very good at hiding how she really felt over the years. I don't want to be around her. She also focuses in on people by aiming her anger onto a certain person in the family. You literally never know whose going to "get it" around her and no one should be in her sites anyhow. She's a loose cannon.

My DH got extremely pouty

My DH got extremely pouty (although we did not fight) when I told him SS30 and GF could not come to our home for Christmas.

I just ignored his poutiness. It only lasted a few days. And then he was back to being all sweet and lovey dovey like he normally is. And after the huge Christmas dinner I made for his family (sans SS) he was ultra appreciative. His siblings and their spouses never knew of the issue - but if they had they would have been appreciative that I excluded SS.
So don't let him manipulate you with pouting.

Pouting is a good way of

Pouting is a good way of putting it. I don't know if the conversation has come up over Mother's Day or Father's Day coming or what, but something.

We had Easter Dinner at the house without SD30 and her children (grandchildren) this year and everything was fine. All the rest of the stepchildren and grandchildren were there and we had a good time. I would have like to have had SD30 children there, but I do not want to deal with SD30. That's the hard part. It's hard on her children and it's hard on the rest of the children and grandchildren. But, it is also unhealthy to have SD30 threatening everyone whenever she feels like it and acting out all over the place.

You are over it. She is a

You are over it. She is a non-entity to you.

She threatened you. Therefore

She threatened you. Therefore she is a loose cannon and could flip at any time. Her own sister knows this. Until she has intensive therapy and is certified and medicated appropriately she may not see your children or come in your home. She is a threat and a danger. If he wants to see her away from you, so be it. But she cannot and will not come into your home until she gets the treatment and care she deperately needs. Basically, she is a mentally ill violent person.

And we all know this will never happen so you are safe. Let him sulk and pout. He cannot allow his daughter (who is an adult) near his wife or kids if he wants to remain married.

Comments

Screw him. Let him act

It's unsettling to hear these

Just tell him that you are

You're situation sounds

Yep that is what happened

As a teenager SD30 lived in

Yes. SD30 is the little

I read here everyday. I do.

I knew instantly who your

That was a camping trip that

I have no idea how my pointy

I remember your post about

I experienced similar

My DH got extremely pouty

Pouting is a good way of

You are over it. She is a

She threatened you. Therefore

I agree. DH and I have

Oh wow, I remember your

Exactly. That is what I have

tell HIM to quit pouting and

I would say that I Am over

Thank you, everyone for your

You are here

Just Get Over It.

Comments