Blog Hog But This Just Happened
Myself and SO have sons the same age. They both enjoy the same things and get along well (if BM stays out of it).
Background - earlier this year BM has SOs son lie regarding a particular sport to spite my son. In the end it worked out but that is because I rallied and made it happen but also because my son is very good at this sport and the coaches pushed for him to be on their team.
Present day - SOs son asked SO to speak to BM because he wanted to play one sport but BM was forcing the issue about another sport. He was upset so SO spoke up and the issue calmed. UNTIL this weekend (BMs weekend). She purposely excluded him from an event that pertained to the sport he chose not to play in order to get him upset enough to say he would play. SOs talked to skid and took the stand that it is now skids problem. He did his part but skid needs to be strong enough to stand up for himself or there is consequences. And that is playing the sport he doesn't really want to play. (I feel that he handled it well).
My issue - my son also plays this sport but when faced with the choice between the two he chose the other.
Now I have to tell him that skid isn't playing (again he is stuck in a shitty situation because of BMs agenda)
The problem - my son enjoys playing both sports (he is a very athletic kid). His choice was based on the fact that he also enjoys the comrodery of skid. And I also told the coach of the sport he isn't playing that he chose the other sport as he has been contacting me asking. Dilemma - do I let him once again chose and explain to both coaches or do I not give him the choice?
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That was my thinking but this
That was my thinking but this won't be the last time. So either he learns now that skids BM will continue to be a factor or I keep cleaning up the mess that BM leaves in her wake.
Catch 22 - and my son pays the price unfortunately.
I think you are enabling.
I think you are enabling. Have you considered maybe if you put your foot down about your kid's sport then SS might get the courage to choose and stick with it as well? Your post is confusing so let me explain how I interpreted it:
Your son wants to play ...let's say Hockey...so BM put your SS on the team to cause friction but the boys ended up getting along and enjoying each other company. Woohoo. Now BM wants skid to play another sport...let's say football...Skid wants to play whatever your son is playing but prefers Hockey. At BM's she made skid miss out on a fun event because he didn't choose Football like she wanted him to so now he reverts back to being unsure. Your son prefers....either one equally but will choose whatever Skid chooses.
So what would happen if you tell your son he needed to make the decision for himself. Does Skid want to play the same sport as your son as much as your son wants to play the same sport as him? If you make your kid choose then perhaps it will make the skids decision easier. He can either play with his stepbrother or play what BM wants him to play. Letting your son follow skids choices around like a lost puppy isn't something you should allow. This year it's sports-next year it's colleges...think about the wasted time, money, effort of all parties but especially your son's.
It's actually the opposite.
It's actually the opposite. Skid and Son decided to play the same sport in the fall. They both played the other sport last fall.
BM has berated skid from day 1 on his decision and SO stood up for him. However BM punished skid until skid gave in to play the other sport.
My issue is that the choice is forced. Although my son enjoys both sports his decision had some basis on the fact that skid was also playing and he likes to have a buddy so to speak. He is anything but a follower and actually the opposite. He thinks of skid as his brother through and through so it makes it hard because he doesn't understand why skid can't just tell BM that he doesn't want to play the other sport. And he is also left with the feeling that skid threw him under the bus and left him high and dry.
What I am struggling with is do I let him choose and switch or should he just learn this lesson now because BM will continue to you with their relationship like this. It isn't the first time nor the second or third...
It's just frustrating and I hate having my bio making hard choices because another adult just can't act like one and leave the kids alone.
No she actually is. This just
No she actually is. This just happened this spring. And it entailed BM having skid lie to everyone including SO to carry out BMs vendetta.
Tell your Bio to pick the
Tell your Bio to pick the sport he wants to play, not because someone else is doing it but because it's his choice. And once he's chosen, he has to stick with it for the season. Because that's what is right, his team needs and depends on him.
It doesn't matter what SS is doing, you are only parenting your child.
SS will get flack from your son and the rest of the team and that's ok too. Outsiders telling SS he's a jerk for leaving his team is what he needs to hear to stand up to BM. But he's the only one who can do that, he's got to learn to not let her bully him into changing sports.
Both boys need to learn to
Both boys need to learn to base their decisions on what they want to do a d NOT what their buddies are doing.
I don't like the whole idea of kids "standing up to their parents". I think it opens the door for kids to mouth off and be disrespectful. The most the kid can do is let mom which sport he wants to play. If she refuses, he has to shut up and deal with it. Since the kid isn't footing the bill and/or in charge of transportation, parents have the final say.
That is what I think it best.
That is what I think it best. The sport hasn't started, neither of them. They are fall sports.
Better for him to learn now then continue to play into BMs game.
I agree with Sally, you are
I agree with Sally, you are causing your son more harm by letting him follow SS around. I know your responded back to me further up that your kid is not a follower but he is. Read your post. You said he keeps switching so that he can play with SS because he likes being with his "brother". In my opinion kids should not be allowed to quit anything but see it all the way through. Like I said earlier, your kid needs to learn that he will have to make his own decisions just like skid needs to learn he is responsible for his decisions and that includes BM's involvement. Make him choose before Skid chooses and then make him stick with his choice through the year. Hell he might even attach himself to someone new OR the skid might decide to join the same team. Neither you or BM are doing your kids (or their teams) any favors by letting them bounce back and forth. I don't know what kind of sports they're playing but Commitment is usually one of the requirements for most sports played.