Nine years ago I moved far away from home and everyone I knew for a new job. It was tough at first, like I knew it would be. But I quickly adapted to this new life and began to thrive. The only real void I had was filled when I met an incredible woman down here about four years in. After about a year we became engaged and were married. We've been together five years now (married three) and I couldn't have been happier. But over the last year, after refusing to acknowledge it for the longest time, I have realized how strained our relationship has become. And a lot of it revolves around her two teenage daughters from a previous marriage...
At the very outset, I felt like a stranger when I met and spent time with them.. I thought this was probably normal, as they didn't know me or my intentions. But I was sure all of this would improve with time. Well, after five years, it really hasn't. I'm still that stranger, that interloper they met when they were 11 and 9. Now they're 16 and 14. And in many ways, it's only gotten more confusing (probably for both sides).
Before I met my wife I was perennial bachelor. Kids were the furtherest thing from my mind as I neared my 30s and was lucky enough to achieve a great career. She even warned me when we first got together about her previous failed marriage and the challenges of raising two daughters. But I didn't care. How hard could it be? After all, I was going to marry HER, not the kids and certainly not the ex-husband and his family. WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! Not only did I get the instant family, but I got a whole new extended family courtesy of the ex-husband and all that goes with that. I remember early on being slightly concerned about it, but not enough for it to even be thought of as a deal breaker. How laughably naive.

Flash forward several years, and I'm still an outsider. And I really don't know how to fix it. I'll admit that my resentment towards all of them has grown. I've had a front row seat to the arms race between to the two families of cottlling and spoiling them into choosing a favorite household. My wife would never admit that, but it couldn't be more clear to someone from my vantage point. Don't get me wrong, they're not bad kids. There aren't any major behavioral issues and they do well in school (Thank God). They're even polite to me most of the time. But it's superficial. Nothing is required of these kids. They contribute nothing and expect everything. Only when they have no other choice but to acknowledge my presense do they speak to me. More times that not, I'll come home from being gone a week at work, and will barely receive a 'hello'. For a long time, I would make a point to engage them first. As the adult it should be up to me, right? Over time though, I've become more and more withdrawn. Now entire weekends will go by with merely a few words spoken. And the worst part is, my wife doesn't seem to think this is an issue. Either that or she is as lost as I am. The kids run the show. Whatever they want, they get. Our house is a hotel. If I broach this subject with their mom, it almost will certainly lead to a fight. I'm being unfair, or don't care about them as much as she does. She doesn't seem to realize that she's letting them completely off the hook, and slowly turning them into entitled brats. Our marriage is beginning to suffer more and more. I'm becoming acutely aware that I'm far down on the list of priorities. Should I expect to be more important than I am, or should I have known this going in? Do I have only myself to blame?