Lol how about when we found out my MIL wasn't doing the between the leg straps for BD when she was taking her out because she forgot how to do it even though we had shown her and she showed us she could?

Or that she had chest pains (heart attacks run in her family and her sister just passed from hitting a tree while having a heart attack on the road and MIL is on heart medication) and threw a fit saying she has a right to have BD when DH asked her to get checked out before she resumes watching BD alone since she lives alone.

Yeah, my MIL also tries to use money and buying things to get us to be cooperative. I not only stopped DH from mentioning my birthday but any time she tries to give me a check I just don't bother cashing it. Sorry, I will not take anything from someone who I know has no respect for me and possibly secretly hates me. Buying a crib for OP means nothing to me about whether or not she's a "good" grandma. It screams of using material things like mine to allow her to continue her toxic BS without consequence.

I actually knew the moment that she posted about her MIL demanding to watch her child that her's and mine are cut from the same cloth--people who don't respect boundaries and believe they are entitled to not only disrespect you as a parent but that they have some sort of right to your child. Only they think they can demand this.

Yes, I know with JUST BD she's a good grandma and loves BD3. That was where most of my guilt about no longer letting her watch BD without supervision comes from. That, however, is NOT enough to negate the fact that

A. If she's mad at DH for some slight she's thinks happened, she'll make snide comments in front of BD about DH and then clap and laugh if BD refuses to hug or kiss DH, as if he deserves it.
B. Give BD things we specifically say she can't have immediately to be the "good guy" (like cake right before we're about to go out to dinner.)
C. Say we're abusing our child by asking her to eat vegetables and will loudly announce it to everyone who is willing to hear.
D. Will promise BD things like "you can come to my house this week and I will give you x if your parents would only drop you off."

This is a form of PAS, but the perpetrator is a grandmother and not an ex. This is not a healthy environment for our children to grow up in and because she can't help herself (she did the same thing to DH and his brother against their father, her exH) and so unfortunately she lost any privilege to be the grandma she pictures herself to be.

My parents simply say they would love to see BD more but totally understand we're busy so they'll see her when they do and not have us go out of the way. Not only that, the first time I had my parents watch BD, my mom asked if there are any rules and things that I would like them to follow while BD was with them. If I am disciplining BD at my parent's house, they will back me up when BD attempts to go to them to escape the time out--my MIL just coddles BD and tells her "mommy and daddy are mean so you should come over more."

We are not using our children as pawns, if I was, I would have done so simply based on the issued between myself and MIL--but I wanted my daughter to have a good relationship with her father's mother, which I did not have because mine was batshit. Then she started trying to turn BD against us to get what she wants, not caring how detrimental this is to our child's development, and that's when DH put his foot down (he blames his mom for his lack of coping skills growing up because she liked doing this shit) even when I was willing to give her more chances. I will not override my DH--if she cannot agree to his stipulations that she stop trying to emotionally manipulate BD, she doesn't get to be around her alone.

Edited to add: the hell is with them and thinking they can give our kids meds willy nilly?!?

MIL once gave BD an aspirin without consulting me and DH when BD had a cold. Aspirin can cause Reye's syndrome for children and that shit KILLS. I FREAKED and almost hyperventilated when she told me later but remained calm just so I didn't seem "ungrateful."