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Last SKid to really piss me off... (and some good news!)

breakingthroughtheinstincts's picture

Submitted by breakingthrough... on Wed, 09/07/2016 - 11:11am

Hi all, I'd just like to share some fantastic news with you all.... *I'm pregnant*!!!! First (12 week) scan in 2 days so haven't told all the real world yet, but sure I'll be straight on here if anything wrong so wanted you all to know... Smile Biggrin Smile

Unfortunately, I am not the picture of Madonna-like bliss and serenity I should be Sad

SS27 now back in our lives and is polite, wonderful and a joy to have around (although trust issues may take some time for me.. his Dad about to give him another car... alarm bells!!!). SD17 is completely disengaged - I hardly have to see the witch, and when I do I listen to the narcissistic babble with a smile on my face and a sadness in my heart - but NO PAIN!!!

Unfortunately, SS20 (who has been the least offensive) is now the source of my night sweats and anger issues. He is not that bad - fairly simple mentally but well meaning, not vindictive or nasty like his siblings... so why am I such a bitch as to hate him? Because of DH's lack of parenting! SS20 is living with us permanently (in a van in the garden, so not actually in the house or I would have moved out!); he pays NO rent, doesn't contribute to any bills, and yet is earning a LOT of money each month. He buys endless cars, tools and car parts which are delivered to ours, dumped on our land without asking and never tidied or cleaned (he actually complained "I don't have anywhere to put them" - yes sunshine, because you have no right to live here?!). He actually ran out of money the second week of one month, DH had to subsidise him. My CONSTANT nagging has resulted in one conversation between DH and SS20, apparently also BM is going to 'run through finances' with him.

Too late! I have paid for your accommodation, bills (and food for 4 years) for 6 years now! I have (hopefully) my own little one on the way and it's time for me to stop breaking through the instincts but actually start listening to them. You are 20. You have a job. Pay rent to me or GET OUT.

Phew, that feels better. Now, can everyone please tell me how good I've got it and to stop being so selfish? Or that I am right to hate loud cars rolling up our drive at all times of the day and night and for SS to breeze into our house at any time of the day or night without knocking or calling out (he actually started up the stairs while we were making love in the bedroom one day, lucky DH heard a stair creak!!!).

I would advise against anyone having SKids living with you, ever. I can't see how it could work without a strong, clever, disciplined SO to work with.... and unfortunately relationship break-ups which involve kids leave pretty much no-one in the above state...

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breakingthroughtheinstincts's picture

Submitted by breakingthrough... on Wed, 09/07/2016 - 11:37am

Thank you!

Yes, he finishes his apprenticeship next spring and DH assumes he will just fly the nest (just like that) then. I have tried to explain that he will not, that he has no incentive to, and that he would never cope being in his own rental place without learning how to budget and cook/clean! I am not just nasty, this 'semi-independent' living seems like the perfect opportunity to ease him into being self sufficient..

I also understand that DH loves having his son close and is still a disney dad - trying to tell me how fragile and alienated his son is (he has a girlfriend and thousands of friends!!).

I have found some rented rooms close to where he works (he commutes 45 minutes each way) and pointed out that they cost half the amount he spends on fuel. I have also told him I don't want SS to know but I would save any rent he paid and give it back to him when he needs to buy a house. I think these are both fair options?

breakingthroughtheinstincts's picture

Submitted by breakingthrough... on Wed, 09/07/2016 - 12:24pm

Thank you, I will try that... GF lives near workplace, so I honestly don't see what benefit he has living with us (other than resident cash register)....

ntm's picture

Submitted by ntm on Wed, 09/07/2016 - 12:00pm

Congratulations on your bundle of joy!

Are there any zoning regulations where you live? If someone were living out of a car in a driveway in my town, um, yeah, they would be informed by the code enforcer to move along.

breakingthroughtheinstincts's picture

Submitted by breakingthrough... on Wed, 09/07/2016 - 12:22pm

** Oh yes, this is totally illegal but we haven't been caught yet ****
(please don't tell on me, if he's not in the van he's in my house isn't he?!!!)

Acratopotes's picture

Submitted by Acratopotes on Thu, 09/08/2016 - 2:28am

Congrats you crazy woman, with the pregnancy now..... I would never do that to myself again Wink

For SS living there, that's a big ol' fat NO..... give him notice, he's got 3 months to move and take his junk with him, no one wants a toddler running around in a danger zone with car parts all over the show ad strangers driving in and out...

breakingthroughtheinstincts's picture

Submitted by breakingthrough... on Sat, 09/10/2016 - 4:21am

Thanks all...

Scan yesterday showed a *gasp* healthy little humanoid, four limbs and one head - I was so happy I cried!!

DH was so happy he actually tolerated a discussion about SS20 when we got home.. and his timeline is until he finishes his apprenticeship "some time in 2017". This apparently, "could be September?".

I cried. And cried, and cried and cried. He is totally unmovable about the thought of him moving out before then. I envisaged myself and small child, complete with post natal depression, locked inside my house for the first 6 months of my child's life.

I found a place to rent locally. This finally shoved him into action and this morning we have contacted a psychologist to have some couples' counseling. I am still moving out if SS20 is going to be here, I just can't cope with this stress....