Should a stepparent earn the skids respect?
Tonight SS has made it clear that he does not respect me because I'm not his mother. DH asked him right in front of me. Not sure what to do aaaaaaand DH has made it clear SS isn't going back to his mother. My kids are respectful period but I raise mine differently than BM raises hers but I also didn't do drugs while pregnant either like she did.
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I was raised in a world where
I was raised in a world where children were to automatically respect ALL elders. Period dot.
I think being respectful to
I think being respectful to someone and having respecting them are two different things.
Kids should to be respectful to adults because it's the right thing to do.
However,showing someone respect is not the same as having respect for them. One is an action and the other is a feeling.
I can be respectful to a total stranger (holding doors, offering up a seat on a crowed bus/train, not cursing in front of an elderly person.....)but that doesn't mean I respect them.
We show people respect based on how we were taught to interact with one another.
We have to earn respect and trust,the same way we have to earn love.
Your SS may not like or respect you, but he still has to be respectful to you.
I think you are confusing the
I think you are confusing the word "respect" with "esteem."
Respect and esteem are
Respect and esteem are synonyms
Honestly I LOATHE when people
Honestly I LOATHE when people say you have to earn respect when they are referring to basic courtesies as respect. Basic respect (otherwise known as basic courtesy, civility, politeness, etc) does not have to be earned. It should simply be.
Respect as honor or elevating a person to a higher status such as mentor does have to be earned.
Respect as an adult in a household is a basic courtesy. Don't interrupt, pleases & thank yous, polite tones, etc. Respect as a parental figure is an honor that is earned.
That's how I would define the necessity of respecting a stepparent.
People use respect to refer
People use respect to refer to basic courtesy all the time. Words are not used with precision by the majority of the world. I was referring to the connotative meaning as opposed to the definition.
BM didn't have SS the baby
BM didn't have SS the baby years of his life MIL did in fact MIL had ALL of BMs kids with her for a few years because BM said she didn't want to be their mother and had given power of attorney to MIL. When they became school aged BM wanted them back. We would go visit (they lived out of town) every chance we could. When SS was 4 he asked if he could live with us (he had just moved back in with BM. DH said no and BM said no and SS would always cry and I always felt bad for him. Fast forward a few years later and BM decided to leave the state with her children even though there was a court order in place. She disregarded it and moved to almost the other side of the country. DH called the OAG and they were of no help and pretty much said he needed to keep paying child support. BM moved back to our state 2 years ago and about 6 months ago told DH SS was out of control she couldn't take it anymore so yes I do feel like she is responsible for the way he was raised. Now as far as respect DH did tell him he needs to respect me because I am his fathers wife and it was nonnegotiable. I've done nice things for SS and even when my kids get out of line with him I let them know they're in the wrong.
Well with all the definitions
Well with all the definitions flying about I think you can sort out your own standard that works for you and your household. If I were you, I would also consider how he treats his other peers. I would have spoke up when he said that he doesn't respect you because you aren't his mother by simply saying, "so what's your excuse for being disrespectful to her when she IS your mother?" The kid is being a brat plain and simple. He is just using your non-parent factor as an excuse your DH can take. I have a good feeling this brat doesn't respect ANYONE, so you shouldn't take it personally but your DH needs to do something about it. Does his son respect any women? We already know he gives his mother a hard enough time that she doesn't want him, and he's outwardly said he doesn't respect you so what about his teachers? His principal (if she is a woman)? Or if a female cop who pulls him over? He needs to start respecting women in his childhood home regardless of who's related to whom or he will never keep a woman in his adult home.
The kid should should show
The kid should should show respect to ALL adults, and that includes his SM
oh SO has this thing about I
oh SO has this thing about I have to earn Aergia's respect, I simply laugh and say NO.....
I respect all living things, and it's up to you to ensure I keep on respecting you, cause If I don't you can never get it back.... love grows, not respect. But I leave it at that.
I raised Deigma that you will respect all living things, even if you do not like them/it... you will remain polite at all times.
Aergia does not even respect herself, how will she ever respect any one else...