What's Worse?
Knowing that your DH was married/in a serious relationship with BM resulting in the skids? That they had a life, home together. That they liked/loved each other enough to have a family and be serious with each other.
OR
That your DH had a one night stand/fling and now because of that you have to deal with BM and skid?
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I have both (gag)... BM1 was
I have both (gag)... BM1 was a fling gone wrong. Zero dating involved there.
BM2 DH did live with for a short period of time (never married) but they only lasted until SS was about 3 months old.
But I guess because they DID have a "relationship" BM2 has always had more pull so to speak when it comes to skid demands and guilty daddy stuff. Like DH just blows BM1 off, hangs up on her, tells her to fuck herself etc. because well, technically he really DOESN'T know her. The only reason we get 95% of the information we do about BM1 is because lovely MIL continues to be buddy buddy with her and GBM and she conveys all the sordid trash bag details to DH.
I think I would be WAY MORE bothered if DH was actually married to one of them and actually spent a good deal of time with one of them. Like you Zero... and no offense here because you know I love you... but I would really have a very hard time choking down the fact that DH was not only married to a low life, but had not one, not two, but three kids with said low life! Ugh. That is way too sucktastic for me!
Thanks for rubbing it in. I
Thanks for rubbing it in. I am going to grab my water bottle of vodka and cry at my desk now. LOL!
Sometimes I think- HOW THE FUCK DID HE STAY MARRIED TO HER FOR SO LONG????
Then I think back to my DH and what I know of him. He grew up in such a shitty environment that probably to him, BM was better then that, so he was okay. Stupid logic but kind of makes sense.
And I've seen some of the ladies he's had relationships with afterwards and I'm like WTF???? Like ummm so you date ugly girls??? What does that make me?
Ha Ha
I think DH had really low self esteem.
As for the having 4 kids- ummm yeah... but DH likes sex. So I can see how that happened. And he comes from a culture of- Husband and Wife have sex and they have kids. Not a big deal. Thankfully he was smart enough after having YSD to get a vasectomy.
The only "good" thing, at least all 4 skids are by one BM.
TRUE!!!!!!! I would MUCH
TRUE!!!!!!! I would MUCH rather have one BM than two!!!! Two is an absolute nightmare and an embarrassment! Like I'd much rather be able to refer to an ex wife than having to refer to a fling and a short term relationship. I know people must be thinking WTF? Daizy's DH must be a player! The funny thing is he's really NOT and has never been.. he's just a victim of unfortunate timing and circumstances I guess. I know DH did NOT want either skid, and told both BMs that.
What bothers me the absolute most is that the stupid fucking idiot did NOT learn his lesson the first time!!!!
Well I feel like DH didn't
Well I feel like DH didn't learn his lesson after getting BM pregnant the first time. He then kept on doing it. }:)
"but I would really have a
"but I would really have a very hard time choking down the fact that DH was not only married to a low life, but had not one, not two, but three kids with said low life! Ugh. That is way too sucktastic for me!"
Have you met Medusa? This is exactly how I feel and the very questions I asked my DH when I finally figured Medusa out. One kid, okay. But then a second? And then a third??? UUUUGGGGHHHH
Apparently, she could suck the chrome off a fender or she had candy up there???
WOB with 3 kids, medusa
WOB with 3 kids, medusa probably wasnt doing a whole lot of sucking....
:sick: :sick: :sick:
I meant when she was younger
I meant when she was younger - when they first met.
and, yeah, tuff, she WAS doing a lot of sucking. Turns out she was the cul-de-sac whore.
I don't think it's a
I don't think it's a consolation either way. Especially if the BM is bat crap crazy. BM1 I can handle all day long, her and I get along wonderfully, it's great.
BM2 is bat crap crazy and I do NOT know how DH made it 16 years with the evil cow. Of course, he is a classic head-in-sand'er so it does make sense really.
DH tried to stay desperately with both BM's as his parents had been together 68 years until MIL passed away almost a month ago. He even married BM1 twice. He felt, and I think still feels like, a huge failure as all he ever wanted was his parents forever love sort of life.
I would feel worse if it was
I would feel worse if it was just a one night stand. It would make me angry to think about going through all this crap all because he had
to dip his thing in the wrong hole. At least when there was marriage/relationship involved you can tolerate it a little better.
Especially if you have a child/children from a prior marriage. Your children were born out of love even if it went south and ended up in divorce.
It bothers me that DH and BM
It bothers me that DH and BM were together for 7 years, married and planned SS. They were "in love", gag. She is an idiot, cheated on DH, and the complete opposite of me and I always wonder how he went from her to me. He says he loves me way more than he ever did her, but idk.
I think I feel this way though because I was never in love with my ex. We were together for 7 years, but it was because I got pregnant and was afraid to be a single mother. We weren't together when I found out I was pregnant (had broken up just a few weeks prior) and just got back together about a month before she was born. I stayed because he wasn't a bad guy, I just didn't love him like I should. So, I guess you could say I'm just jealous. I think I'd prefer a one night stand deal for that reason, but it really depends on the BM.
I get this. Similar story
I get this. Similar story with me and my Ex and BS. I was never in love with him. But DH and BM were in love at one point.
I once asked DH why he kept having kids (skid3 and skid4) with BM if he knew after skid2 what a crazy biotch she was and he said "We wanted a family". Ugh I have no idea why but that one sentence bothered me so much! Especially since we don't have any kids together.
My DH has been married twice.
My DH has been married twice. BM was a teen hookup (but over 18) who got knocked up as both were two stupid to use BC. They had a short "starter" marriage. DH did love his second wife who he was married to for 15 years. But I don't think he ever liked her. But no children with her.
So I have one of each. Neither bothers me as long as neither DH nor I have anything to do with them. Totally irrelevant.
Nicest thing DH ever said to me was that he liked that he loved me, but he LOVED that he liked me.
I think I would be really
I think I would be really bitter if I had to deal with a One-Night-Stand BM. I'm okay that my DH had a relationship before me, it's unfortunate BM is a pain and her kid link to DH keeps her in our everyday life, but I can live with the fact SS wasn't a mistake. He was made on purpose even if it were for all the wrong reasons. I think if it was a 1-night kind of deal with BM I wouldn't be able to let it go that he was stupid enough to have unprotected sex with a stranger and now my future is a consequence of his stupid mistake that has a random stranger and random kid living in it.
DH was in love with BM. They
DH was in love with BM. They were HS sweethearts and each others first. DH has said they didn't actually liked each other. If they had waited to get married or had ever dated other people he doesn't think they would have stayed together. She had a hard home life, he has wonderful parents and I think she wanted to be part of his family. I think she loved them more than she loved him.
So they got married and 20ish years later he was the first one in his family to get divorced.
He was tremendously guilty about that.
What bugs me is that BM thinks there is this unbreakable bond between them, that they are somehow more connected than he and I are because they have kids together.
It also bugs me that she used to tell people he was pining away for her. That he missed her and would take her back but that she was smarter than that. It's not true, never was but it bothered me that she would tell people he still loved her when he didn't.
She hates that he discusses things with me, that he makes me a priority and that he and I have this great life together. Which I guess is my revenge, such as it is. DH has told me many times that if he'd known how wonderful life with me was going to be he would have left her and found me sooner.
DH actually left Medusa about
DH actually left Medusa about 4 years after they met. He moved to the other side of the state. She tracked him down, and they got back together. He didn't marry her for another 5 years.
I told him that there was NO WAY I would waited around for nine years when I was that age for some dude to ask me to marry him. He says he proposed because they had been together for 9 years, owned a house and a business together and figured it was "the next step."
He now admits that he didn't love her - but he felt obligated.
If only he had come looking for me then - both of us would have had much different lives.
I would detest the one-night
I would detest the one-night stand skid and BM situation.
Mine is in the middle and I'm
Mine is in the middle and I'm good with it, dated in hs and got pregnant by accident, broke up as soon as baby was born. I don't know if I would have married him if they would have been married first. Probably stupid reasoning but that's a non negotiable for me on my first marriage.
neither one bothers me.... I
neither one bothers me.... I live in the present and it's what's happening now that I'm worried about