Do you deal with liars?
We have having a lot of trouble with SD who is 17 and lying. We have 50/50 with BM. Problem is BM is a huge liar as well. No surprise that this is where SD learned it!
How do you handle lying? We are trying to build trust but DH and I are in the middle of two liars!!
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So did the lying just start
So did the lying just start at 17??? SD19 is a chronic liar, learned it from BM and GBM who are the queens of lying about even the stupidest shit. SD has been lying all her life. She just gets better and better at it as she grows older. I'm guessing your SD has been lying for quite some time but that it's just recently coming to light. Good luck with all that, because I highly doubt at 17 she is going to change her ways. In fact I just heard a report on the radio the other day that some random study concluded that the longer people lie, the more they become desensitized to it and don't see an issue with their actions, and therefore will continue to do it.
https://www.statnews.com/2016/10/24/brain-study-lying/
No, do not lie right back,
No, do not lie right back, that does nothing to build trust in ANY relationship.
In my opinion, she lies about
In my opinion, she lies about both big and little things. She has often said she has lied to her mom for years because she just tells her mom what she wants to hear. We have caught her in lies (big and small) and have had punishments that can range form taking cell phone away to having her go back to a coach or teacher and apologize for lying. It's just hard to build trust going forward. We know she has lied about us to her mom so when she says things are bad there you have to take it with a grain of salt.
Generally kids lie because
Generally kids lie because they figure they can get their way or avoid difficult or uncomfortable discussions.
Do you have any homework? Nope.. none (except that math paper that I am planning to do in the morning at school before class, but I won't because that super hot guy will talk to me and then I will gossip with my besties).
Where are you going tonight? To the mall with Bethany (but only to meet that older guy Tony and then he and I are going to go smoke a joint and probably do the wild circus thing in the back of his work van. It's fine though, I'm old enough to make my own decisions.. sheesh).
Why didn't you wash clothes when you were at your Dad's? Oh... mom... SM was really being a pain and she was doing laundry and wouldn't let me do mine. I wanted to really, but you know how you said I should do what they say right? (because I didn't feel like it).
You need 20 bucks? What happened to your allowance? Gosh, I had to buy some stuff for school and mom was supposed to pay me back, but she hadn't been to the bank and I neeed it for food at the snackbar tonight. (Because I bought weed with it and I am going to buy more weed tonight.. or I spent it on more crap from forever 21 even though I have garbage bags full of clothes... and you will just bitch if I tell you the truth).
I agree with SuperJew.
I agree with SuperJew. Follow up on everything she says. Let her know that you are following up and why. Explain that this is the consequence of her lies.
YSD is a chronic liar. It's
YSD is a chronic liar. It's part of her charm and mental illness, and got her into all sorts of trouble during the five years she lived with us. She lied to us, to friends, teachers, employers, and therapists. In SD's mind, she was the most popular girl at school, and every boy wanted to date her. She even became convinced that the married clerk at the supermarket wanted her.
Lying has cost her relationships (most of our family will have nothing to do with her), friendships, and countless jobs. She starts believing the fantasies she weaves, and then reality crashes in and she finds herself fired, or dumped, or whatever. She's 30 now, and from what I hear she's managing to hold it together for the present, but I doubt that will last.
Calling her out on each and every lie was the only strategy that gave any positive result, but that was short-lived and made all of us even more miserable.
Awful advise to LIE back to
Awful advise to LIE back to step kids, YOUR own kids or your peers. Just awful.
If/when you catch someone in a lie, tell them YOU know they are telling a lie.
Years ago telling a lie felt like committing mortal sin. Now, pfft people lie about so many things. They do it in court and get a way with it....so...
Anyway--"You are not telling me the truth, wanna try again"
Your original question was "DO you deal with Liars>", actually no I don't.
I will not give them the time of day.
Kids taking candy is different, they are little kids---it is handled differently and little ones actually feel bad. Adults are so programed to not feel guilt so they don't care. And I don't hang with people like that no matter who it is.
In our case, we aren't lied
In our case, we aren't lied to so much as things are kept from us. Skids are very secretive like that. So are we, now.
We plan lots of things without them and never say a word about it and instead let them discover our pictures on Facebook!!! That's because in our situation Facebook is the fountain of knowledge regarding skids.
I'm not talking movies and dinners out, I'm talking vacations in Europe.
I do not deal with it cause
I do not deal with it cause she's not my kid.....