Divorced 40year old woman sent selfie to 13yearold ss!!
I found this last night!
This is the same woman that bought ss a costume. I check ss phone off and on. I like to keep tabs on him. (Hate me, focus on this if you like, but ill always keep tabs on him)
I wish i could just post pics on here instead of describe what i saw, but ill try to do my best.
Ok so ss hops in shower, i check ss phone its like 740ish, by 810pm im ready to walk up the street bang on this womans door and ask why she is sending a selfie to a 13 year old boy. Dh of course does not want to talk about, and i dont think he got why its crossing a BIG line.
Ok there are some random texts, then i think the date was last weekend, there is a pic sent from her. Its a selfie of her in her bedroom. No boobs out, but its not like a goofy pic of her and her son, nope just her in her bedroom, trying to look cute.
Then three more pics of her with three grown men at a stadium.
The last pic is a cropped pic of her and the one guy she is cheek to cheek with in the other photo.
WHY?
After that is a text(its a day later)-she is texting for sam- "ss13. We are here...sam wants to hangout..comeover."
Then ss blowing her off with some lame thing about being tired.
There is no text inbetween pictures. No explanation or reason why she is sending her adult pic to a 13 year old.
The more i think about it the more fired up i get!
There is no reason. None. Its gross.
Dh will not talk about it. I think he asked ss something this morning, but no idea. Yes id like to know ss take, yes id like to know if he deleted things that could explain more, but what i want is to look this grown woman in the face and ask her why she sent this to ss13!! Why is she texting him like a friend? Does she really need attention from a 13 year old?
I was up late wondering am i overeacting? Its a new cellphone world. If my daughter was 13 and receiving a photo from a 40 year old dad would i go crazy?! Uhh yeah!!
I ended up texting my sister sending her the pics i took of ss phone (she has no kids) she just kept texting weird, its really weird, and why? And she texted lady i could not see you sending a selfie to her son!
I know thinking about it grosses me out!!!
I dont know what dh will do if anything, but i feel like if he does nothing this week, im going to end up messaging this woman myself efff dh. Ss is a kid that could get molested! He is a follower, the lines between adult/friend are blurred for him because EVERYONE around him let him think adults are buddies, pals... ugh. Im so irritated by this!
And dh has no idea but this is this womans second sort of third strike. For me.
She has no reason to text ss none.
I tried to put myself in her shoes, but i cant. If i was to text her son or send a picture to her son, DO YOU THINK I WOULD BE IN THE PICTURE?? Id send a pic of ss in front of something if ss could not send it for some reason...if she wanted ss to "edit" a pic, uhhh why? Her son can do it, her man friends should be able to do it.
Ughhhh so many RED FLAGS wake up dh wakeup....
I dont know how much longer we can be together, i cant deal with "sweep it under the rug"- no issues ever- kind of life.
Also if i did have her sons phone number, why would i text her son to come hangout with ss? Ss can walk his butt up the street or text him.
What reason would i have to send a 13 yearold a selfie bedroom pic??!!
And pics of her with men im sure ss does not know.
Please if you have another take please let me know...
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Comments
Yes thats what i want to do
Yes thats what i want to do im giving dh the week. Then im blocking it.
Your right. I guess i talked
Your right. I guess i talked myself down to a week.... really i wanted to keep ss phone...but dh gave it to him this morning. Im sure we will fight about it tonight, but i seriously am itching to get at this woman!!!!
In my head im going through
In my head im going through what she could say as an excuse, but eff it its all crap, your 40 sending a pic of yourself to a 13 year old!!!!
We do not know her. Dh has
We do not know her. Dh has met her like 4 times. Ive met her twice.
We are not friends.
The boys are friends, and hangout.
Sam goes to a private school so we only know them because they live in the neighborhood.
2 options - 1. block her
2 options -
1. block her from contacting SS - but kids are clever he might just unblock her
2. Take his phone, go over to her place and demand to know why the hell is she chatting up a 14 year old boy, I would be extremely straight with her and tell her... if I find out she keeps this up, she will have the police knocking on her door - I will put a fear into that woman that she will join a nunnery for life
DH is doing nothing, cause typical male - it's an ego boost for him, he's 14 year old boy is a man making old woman happy.... DH is thinking, kid's a chip of the old block - we still have it...
The fact that he begged off
The fact that he begged off going over there tells me that something weird is going on. What teenage boy wouldn't be sprinting out the door if beckoned by an older woman? A boy who has been touched or talked to in a manner that makes him extremely uncomfortable.
How do you know that
How do you know that something has not already happened? Does Ss hang out with the friend anymore at friends house? Is he avoiding the friend now?
Yes I would confront the woman. Tell her all play date arrangements go to you or DH first. Maybe even only have the boys allowed to hang out at your house arranged thru the adults. It is a scary world. Trust no one. Especially a grown woman texting a teen photos of herself.
Creepy.
Right?! You'd send pics of
Right?! You'd send pics of the boys, of your son showing his friend something!
What is wrong with this woman?
Just makes my stomache turn...
I have no idea....maybe
I have no idea....maybe nothing has happened. Either way I DO NOT WANT TO BE THE PARENT that let something awful happen to him...i could not deal with seeing this and doing nothing.
The last time a 40-something
The last time a 40-something year old woman was texting a young teen (15)in my state, she was arrested. She was married and has young children but still pursued an inapprioate relationship with a minor. I mention this because it started with simple messaging with the boy. I think you should stick with your gut. I don't know that you should go all crazy by freaking out on her but maybe you should ask your DH why he doesn't seem to care. That's a good starting point.
It's called "grooming." You
It's called "grooming." You are right to be upset.
I'd be mad too. This is not
I'd be mad too. This is not ok.
I could think that except,
I could think that except, the cellphone is GLUED to ss. Noway dad is texting on there.
Dh has her number, months ago she took them gokarting, so he got her number, but as far as i know he has only texted her one other time. If they were texting all friendly im sure she would have texted dh about the costume to get attention from him, but she did not, ss told him about it.
Dh just called me to "talk"
Dh just called me to "talk" about the situation. He started off with worrying about the boys friendship!!
Uhhhh. She ruined that, that is her fault.
Tthen he said some other stuff half agreeing with me. I got so upset. Im not crazy. I cannot be in this relationship if he cant even do anything about this.
We are talking more tonight and with ss, but im so irritated if nothing happens, if he does not tell this woman, you crossed a line. Im just not sure i can be here. Id rather live in seperate houses. So i do not have to see anything or be apart of something later.
Does he really think she wont send more pics??? What if she "invites him over for her son" but HER SON IS NOT THERE!!
I should not be defending my
I should not be defending my gut, he should be calling telling me her texted her! Not lets talk more, lets worry about his friends. Ugh i do not want ss in her house!!! Ever.
The fact that you're acting
The fact that you're acting like more of a parent than BD is proof positive that you need to 1) Get the needs of this child addressed. Immediately; 2) Get the hell out of that relationship with your DH, immediately; 3) Take a vacation. Not your problem any longer.
I feel like if he lets the
I feel like if he lets the ball drop on this, im closing the door, he lets so many things slide, but this, i cant let it slide. I dont care if its embarrassing, she should be embarrassed!! Not us!
And yes! I was in pjamas hair a mess, no bra, but i was so ready to march up the street and put those pics right in her face, and say explain! Explain.
Ss gets on my nerves but id never let anything happen to him. No child deserves to deal with that situation.
Why should i have to tell a grown woman about crossing lines? I dont want to but i will!!
No, you're right on all
No, you're right on all accounts. The thing is, though, that the safety and security of the child is at risk. He's the one that's going to be damaged by whatever actions or inactions are taken, by all adults involved.
On one hand, you have the best interests of the kid in mind. But you're not his parent. You ARE, based on this thread, what seems to be a responsible adult who is doing the right thing for another human that needs intervention.
On the other hand, your DH and his BD seems to not give a shit. THIS IS NOT OK. If he is willing to let something like this "slide," then I REALLY have to question his values as a parent and as a decent human being.
The 40yo is a mess. Nuff said. She's dangerous, toxic, and yes - she's grooming this kid.
I'm several degrees away from the situation, but even I feel that a call to CPS is in order here.
Once that mess is settled, I'd advise you to think real long and hard about what you see in a man that is willing to allow his son to even be in a position to be molested. Whether or not that's the case/reality of it all, it shouldn't even be a point of discussion. The kid and you both deserve better than that.
It's time to take control of
It's time to take control of this situation, no more waiting for DH to parent.
Follow your gut, talk to SS find out if he feels weird around this woman, find out if she's said or done anything inappropriate, other than the pictures.
Tell him that the pictures are wrong, he's a kid he and has no idea he's being groomed. Apparently neither does DH but that's a different issue.
Then depending on what SS says go talk to her or the police.
God i have such a headache,
God i have such a headache, but i have one more question...ss has a therapist, she is not crazy involved but i feel like telling her too. Maybe she could help. If she feels its weird.
She is twice everyother week. Ss hates it cause she helps out more with going over hw and stuff.
Do you think i should involve her?
If dh does not step up tonight should i talk to her tomorrow?
Im glad you all feel this is weird too!! It made me a little more firm with talking to dh....now im just waiting for them to get home.
I would give DH one more
I would give DH one more opportunity to get to the bottom of this.
1. first line of action is talk to SS13. Find out what is going on. Explain that it's not "normal" for 40 year olds to be friends with 13 yo's and that you aren't comfortable with him having a peer relationship with someone like that. (if he is totally clueless which he probably isn't"
2. As someone else said. Either contact the woman or police (if it seems laws were broken). If it was just some low level inappropriate communication then she needs to understand that the boy's family is not comfortable with that contact and it needs to stop. We don't know if she is just so insecure that even platonic attention from a 13 yo boy floats her boat...or whether she is a Mrs. Robinson level stalker. If boy admits that actual touching happened with this lady it's police time for sure.
3. I would also encourage play dates at your house .
She was an older woman on 90
She was an older woman on 90 day fiance who was with a much younger guy.