Home for the Holidays
I live 45 minutes away from my biological daughter. She has 3 auto immune diseases and has chronic pain, so daily life is a bit challenging for her. I mentioned to my husband that I wish she could come over Christmas Eve and spend the night so she doesn't have to be by herself Christmas morning. I explained she doesn't like to sleep on the couch because it isn't comfortable due to her pain issues. My husband said, "ya, we have a big house, but not big enough for company". That really hurt my feelings and has bothered me that he didn't put anymore thought into it, however a while back he said when we downsize he doesn't want to downsize too small so his daughters will have somewhere to stay! I am too nice and I let too many things slide. This kind of stuff is eating me up inside and stressing me out. I can barely get him to learn of her illness, so he doesn't get it. He is too focused on letting he's girls do whatever they want.
They still don't pick up after themselves, they eat it and leave it, nothing has changed even though I have asked so many times. I get tired of asking, and he just gives me a look like whats the big deal any time I bring it up.
Maybe I am just better off single, sometimes I wonder this.
Tell me, is it weird that a 19 year old girl walks around the house in her underwear in front of her dad and I? The other day it was just a towel wrapped around her and I was shocked!
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How about getting a nice
How about getting a nice hotel room and spending Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with your daughter? One with really nice beds and an indoor pool.
what I was going to say....a
what I was going to say....a spa would be perfect for your daughter too!
Husband cleans their food
Husband cleans their food messes. I refuse to. It sends the wrong message if I were to clean up after them. I leave it, even it husband is out of town. I'll leave it for days and clean up after myself. He keeps doing it though even after many discussions that they both need to learn.
Their Grandma has cleaned their rooms their whole life. I didn't know that they never helped. I suggested they help grandma and learn from grandma but that didn't work.
YEP....Husband allows this.
YEP....Husband allows this. She is 78 years old. Coming less due to health but she is full of energy for the most part. I told husband she shouldn't be doing this but she still comes every now and then. It used to be every week.
Before we were married she came every day and cleaned the rest of the house. This is the part I was unaware of. This made me think he was a very clean person, which he isn't! Not the worst either, he does do his own laundry but not very clean at many things. Kids have never used a vacuum, cleaned a sink or toilet, or even folded a towel! I've asked husband to have them help but he wont speak up. Left a note for 19 year old one time so that when she woke up at 3pm she would see it, just asking to clean up after herself and start cleaning basement. She called her dad at work and flipped out on him! I am the one doing all deepcleaning because none of them know how, or I should say just don't do it. I've hired maid service twice and will be doing it more often in the future, on his dime I might add.
So your DH has not one but
So your DH has not one but two adult daughters living in your home, I'm certain, not paying a dime, not picking up, just being speshul snowflakes... yet he thinks there is "no room" for your daughter to spend ONE damn night??? I have no idea how you kept your mouth shut, much less your hammer fist from making contact with his junk.
If you want your daughter there, make it happen. You don't need his permission. It's your house too. If he doesn't like he can lump it.. ya know, kind of like you've been doing with his daughters.
One adult, one 14. I may just
One adult, one 14.
I may just go stay with my daughter Christmas Eve! That way she will be comfortable in her bed and we won't have to put her in a temporary bed in a basement with a filthy 19 year old. Maybe next year will be different if 19 SD stays in college, we can do some maneuvering in the basement and add a room with a bed. My daughter is very aware of the 2 SD not cleaning up after themselves. She watched them for us while we were on our honeymoon and she said, what is up with them just leaving there shit out after they eat? LOL....I didn't live with him prior to marring him, so I was in for a shock as well.
Just one of the reasons I
Just one of the reasons I always jump on my 'you need an our house' bandwagon. New marries should start fresh with a house that is truly equal aka both feel the sense of our home, no one has more invest than the other... and most important, any children living in it won't have the sense of one of the adults in the home is inferior as the outsider.
Moving into the established old 'family' house is a mistake. H*ll, you have a barely dresses 19yr old running around in undies and towels. You wouldn't be asking if that is normal/ok if this were truly an our house. SD wouldn't feel free to do these actions because she could be put out the door as at age 19 she is truly a guest living on borrowed time in our home.
Anyway... b*ll to your husband. You either go get a bed to accommodate your daughter's needs or you and daughter treat yourself to a pampered festive overnight in a hotel. Actually , my first thought was husband can sleep on the sofa and daughter with you in the bedroom. However, husband would likely whine and make everyone miserable.
Start looking for your our house. He has one minor left to accommodate and you each have one adult daughter (yours with special needs when visiting). Plan and search accordingly. That, or think long and hard if this a really the selfish inconsiderate man you want to continue being married to. His children do not rate above and beyond your own child, he either accepts that or ________.
Geeze, this thing with the
Geeze, this thing with the clothes is simply twisted and sick; no way, I think you have to be joking about that! This perversion is acceptable by whom?
Of course your daughter can come to your home, wow, you must be a very tolerant kind lady, I would have chewed husband out after he selfishly told me no company; oh heck no to the heck no. Get your mom and your daughter, pack them in the house and get the undies sorted out for the walking family display of goods- when the daughter starts prancing around the house later that evening. And, make certain you join in the show yourself by wearing something red and revealing; dance around the Christmas Tree drinking Egg Nog. Now, you can bet this would be one of a kind- seriously precious Family Christmas memory! Video for keepsake purposes.
Oh would it not be funny if you could talk them into walking around in their undies too? (Just kidding, but I do think you get the picture).
Stop being nice, this is your house too..... You have been too kind, it appears.
It was just too tempting, I
It was just too tempting, I could not restrain myself--the content was wide open.
If he wants a show, make it showtime...LOL
He didn't say she couldn't
He didn't say she couldn't come. It didn't come out that cruel, but he didn't try to come up with a better option other than the family sofa in the middle of the living room which isn't a good option for many reasons. It isn't comfortable and he gets up early, she doesn't because of her Fibromyalgia. We have a lot of room, an entire finished basement that can be reconfigured in different ways but basement is trashed from 19 year old. (Whole other story)
I thought about staying at daughters house Christmas Eve after our family get together.
Thanks to those who mentioned getting your own home. We talked about this doing this soon because 14 year old will be out of high school in 3 1/2 years. Not sure if I can wait that long, we may have to move twice. Make move now within school district and once again later. idk Trying to avoid moving twice as well. Lots of work involved with moving.
19 year old and I are cordial to each other and that is it. She is not very nice to me so I avoid her like the plague. She is leaving for college Dec. 28 or 29 sometime and I hope it works this time. She barely made it through 1st year college, quit summer school, quit after 2 weeks in fall and has been home all this time playing video games in our basement with online friends - ALL NIGHT LONG. Then she sleeps will 3pm, husband ok with this.
This is just a few of many reasons I am in counseling. Gotta talk to someone!
That is a good thought. I
That is a good thought. I think a spare bed is the only thing that will work, my daughter would not want anyone to sleep on the sofa while she slept in their bed. Just how she is.
Would love to see the look on their face though. Pretty sure it wouldn't fly. Actually, we'd have a bed in a day if we asked the 19 year old to sleep on the coach because she would give him HELL for asking! Bahahaa
What makes your husband think
What makes your husband think his daughters are more important than yours to get to sleep under your roof? I'd be more than livid if I were you. Make sure you buy that extra bed for your daughter, even if she's only sleeping in it once a year, and make sure his brats know they aren't to use it at all...ever!
I get so sick of the double standards!!!
Yes, Think I will do this!
Yes, Think I will do this!
Daughter is staying...YAY.
Daughter is staying...YAY. She said she can sleep on sofa for one night. THen young SD14 heard DH and I talking about it and she came to me and said, I'll get my room cleaned up and she can sleep in my bed and I'll sleep on the sofa. I thought that was so sweet. I don't believe she knows of my daughters illnesses. Either way, I thanked her for offering her bed.
I'm happy for you. I hope
I'm happy for you. I hope you and your daughter have a wonderful Christmas together.
Thank you!
Thank you!