What Would You Do?
...with souvenirs MIL brings back from her trips to BMTown?
We've been doing so well with low MIL contact but you literally can't give an inch to her or she'd jump on it like a flea on a dog. We invited DH's family over for Christmas and then went to MIL's house the next day for a brief visit to let her spend some time with DD1 and DD2--most visits are now supervised because of her behavior.
She never brings the things she buys from BMTown over to our house (Xmas would have been the perfect time to bring them as gifts, right?), but will instead wait until we're in her territory to hit us with it. She does this every time.
She also, on an unrelated note, called and left a message (I no longer pick up her calls and haven't for about half a year--she stopped calling until she got back from BMTown) telling me how she's back from her "Business trip." WTF lady, I don't care. Leave me alone. You think it makes me uncomfortable that you visit BM? No. What makes me uncomfortable is your attempt to shove it down my throat at every turn.
Anyway, we have enough clothes for the kids and sometimes don't even manage to take the tags off some new ones before they grow out of it. I tried telling MIL to keep them at her house in case she (ever) watches our DDs again but she insists on having us take it home... and then demands we bring a set of clothes (but different ones) for each of the DDs so she can keep them at her house for emergencies.
Seriously, it doesn't make sense.
- not2sureimsaneanymore's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I don't get it? Who cares if
I don't get it? Who cares if MIL visited BM town? Is she never allowed to go to said town simply because BM lives there? Or do you mean she went and stayed with BM?
Oh yeah this was the second
Oh yeah this was the second part about it. She goes and stays with BM. I don't have an issue with her going at all to visit her grandson--it's just that she passive-aggressively tries to shove it down my throat (not even DH's throat) to... I'm not sure. Get a rise out of me?
I never show it. It's just odd to me.
She also doesn't do it in front of other people like DH's brother and his wife because his wife will call her out on it and be like, that's not appropriate. (MIL also has the nasty habit of taking out old things that BIL's exes gave her and shove it into his wife's face... crystal figurines... and some fur rugs were the latest.)
I also have a problem with it because as much as I don't like BM, MIL doesn't drive in BMTown and has BM drive her everywhere, so she was being taken(BIL got super fed up with MIL talking nonstop about our DDs when they went to visit BM and SS together) to these places to buy the souvenirs and I know she's like, "I'm getting these for my granddaughters" which will drive BM absolutely bonkers. I don't want BM bonkers. I want her happy and healthy and sane--for both SS and us because then she leaves us alone.
It's like she just... hates women or something and wants to make everyone miserable.
I bet you have some stories
I bet you have some stories to tell.
Mine also likes to try and make competition between me and DH's SIL, like at family dinners, she'll casually bring out her engagement ring and say things like, When I die, I wonder who I should leave this to.
I just go, I don't want it. Why don't you sell it and go on a nice vacation.
Why do they do stuff like this? I don't understand what she gets out of it, considering she keeps complaining that her sons and DILs don't visit her much.
Both, knick-knacks and
Both, knick-knacks and clothes. BM does live in a tourist area so all the clothes come back with "Indie 500" or some variation thereof on it.
I guess my issue is that she does it to get a reaction out of me, since she does it to everyone else too. She picks the one thing she knows the other person could possibly be insecure about and at every turn, try to give a little poke. She pulls out stuff that BIL's exes have given to her and tries to get a rise out of BIL's wife too. She also likes to talk about our DDs in front of BM to get a rise out of her and it's just... mean. I guess that's the word for it?
That's why I don't give her any reaction other than a polite thank you.
DH says to just donate them.
I just got tired, this happens every time.
Tell her thank you for
Tell her thank you for thinking of the girls while she was on her "business trip", take the stuff and then shove it in the closet and "forget" about it. It doesn't sound like you see her too often so it's not like she is going to be looking for the stuff. And if you are feeling extra kind, just put the clothes on the girls when they are going to see MIL, if you remember.
She's trying to get a reaction out of you. Don't give her the satisfaction. Does she want you to be uncomfortable?
And playing devil's advocate, is she maybe feeling uncomfortable to you, about her relationship with BM and she acts this way to overcompensate?
How often does she visit SS and how often does she bring stuff back for your girls? Do you think she does it to make sure they feel included or to be passive aggressive?
You're right, it's really not
You're right, it's really not that big of a deal. I think I'll bring them to her the next time she watches them, if ever, and mention again that she can keep them at her house for an emergency change of clothes.
What bothers me is that she does like to do things to get a rise out of people (to me, to BM, to BIL's wife), so I'm often very confused about whether or not this is one of those things or if she actually is doing it out of the goodness of her heart. I think when you cry wolf too many times, people won't believe you even if you are telling the truth.
I think I'll bring them to
I think I'll bring them to her the next time she watches them, if ever, and mention again that she can keep them at her house for an emergency change of clothes.
I disagree.. that's rude. Just do what Zero said... accept the gifts that she gave your girls graciously and if you can't stand the site of them shove them in the closet or donate them to the Salvation Army. Giving them back to her to "keep at her house" is rude in my opinion.
And my MIL does stupid crap all the time.. like talking about BM or talking TO BM or taking BMs kids (who are no relation to her) on trips and to the circus and I could go on and on.... hell, DH grandpa just passed and MIL had all these pictures that she had gone through and SIL and I were looking at them and BAM... there's a picture of BM2 sitting at the table with DH and SS18. Is it annoying as fuck? Yes. But whether I like it or not, BM was once a part of their lives so I just pretend I could give two craps and move on to the next pic.
Even if she asks me to bring
Even if she asks me to bring a change of clothes for them? That's what I wasn't understanding since she told me to take them home and when I originally said she should keep them for the change of clothes, she said no--then the next day called DH and asked him to drop off a set of extra clothes as a just in case if the girls go over for her to watch them (she was panicking at the thought that we should one day surprise visit her to drop them off and she doesn't have a set of clothes on hand, which we'd literally never do).
I wasn't sure why it was imperative that I have them in my house--which is what made me think she did it to bug me.
Why not donate the clothes
Why not donate the clothes and tell her you've done it?
I'm not so ballsy to be able
I'm not so ballsy to be able to do that! If I did, I'd keep quiet about it.
The more you let it show she
The more you let it show she has bothered you, the more she will do it. You should act oblivious to her intentions and just go along with it. Oh you got these while you were visiting BM? Did you have a nice visit? Were you able to get girl time with just the two of you? Yes? That's wonderful, I'm sure you both enjoyed that very much. blah blah blah. When it stops being fun, she will stop. Don't bring the clothes back to her, put the girls in them, take a picture, send it to MIL, then do whatever you want with them. Don't overthink this. Just act laid back about it even if you aren't.
I feel being laid back is
I feel being laid back is what causes her to push--to find my "limit." DH says this is why we can't even give an inch to his mom because if we don't give her hard boundaries she pushes and pushes and pushes until someone explodes and then she goes, "woe is me, I don't understand why no one wants to be around me and why people are mad at me."
But yes, I just thanked her and took them after she said no to keeping them at her house.
About the souvenirs/clothing?
About the souvenirs/clothing? I'd say thank you, then donate/toss them. Just don't even try to have a normal exchange with her, just keep it cordial and move along. You know?
About her pushing her 'friendship' with BM in your face (and vice versa, most likely)... Ignore as much as you can, and when you can't, say, "Ummm hmmm."