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The Letter of Apology

Stepmomed's picture

Submitted by Stepmomed on Wed, 01/04/2017 - 7:37pm

After 3 months in juvie SS14 said he was sorry to DH in a letter for what he has done. He told DH that BM will be changing his name so we won't know it and don't have to worry about him anymore and that he understands that DH wants to terminate his rights. Now DH feels like crap and will more than likely not terminate his rights and continue with his child support payments and trying to force a relationship with SS.

Comments

Stepmomed's picture

Submitted by Stepmomed on Wed, 01/04/2017 - 8:46pm

You know I really don't know what to think of all this, part of me agrees with you yeah he's probably trying to manipulate the situation even my brother thinks that the name change is a bunch of crap . I just know this is going to cause a huge fight because DH is going to think that I am going to make him choose between SS and our kids and clearly I am not going to make him choose. He can have his relationship with SS and we can get a divorce and I'll take care of our kids.

Stepmomed's picture

Submitted by Stepmomed on Wed, 01/04/2017 - 8:59pm

I don't trust BM last time DH was alone with BM (before we even met) she tried to say she slept with DH and he got her pregnant. The kid wasn't even his and she lives 5 hours away.

Maxwell09's picture

Submitted by Maxwell09 on Wed, 01/04/2017 - 8:45pm

Ughhhh you have got to be kidding me? Its terrible that boy has mastered manipulation already. Not that I would encourage correspondence between the two, but if it came back to DH changing his mind, I would make DH ask SS if he realizes what he did wrong, does he understand his consequences, etc just so DH can really get a grasp that the kid isn't sorry for what he did but more likely sorry he can't keep using his Dad as a free ride.

This is the worst update today. I feel sorry and scared for you.

Stepmomed's picture

Submitted by Stepmomed on Wed, 01/04/2017 - 8:48pm

I'd say it's a 50-50 chance that she's doing that only because she is definitely not the brightest crayon in the box. She had her two daughters physically examined to see if they had been molested and she never had my stepson checked because in her mind a molester is only going to molest someone of the opposite sex.

Stepmomed's picture

Submitted by Stepmomed on Wed, 01/04/2017 - 9:05pm

DH can keep up with responsibilities for SS14 that's fine it's his child, but as for me and my kids with DH we will never see that child again. The fact that he said he was sorry is not enough for me because I agree it was more "hey I'm sorry okay I said it! Now, can I go back to living with my mom because you and your wife are too strict and expect too much out of me unlike my mom who let's me play rated M games on the video game consoles and doesn't pay attention to what I'm watching on TV."

Stepmomed's picture

Submitted by Stepmomed on Wed, 01/04/2017 - 9:27pm

I'm trying to heal I swear every time I start healing he gets brought back up like a bad case of herpes.

oneoffour's picture

Submitted by oneoffour on Wed, 01/04/2017 - 9:40pm

Well how stupid is that? DH should write to his son and explain that changing his name will not change who he is and what he has done.

Stepmomed's picture

Submitted by Stepmomed on Wed, 01/04/2017 - 9:52pm

I agree. I'm not sure why he even bothered writing DH. SS has made it very clear that he ONLY cares about himself, DH, BM, and his two half sisters on BM's side. He doesn't give two f**** about my 3 kids which are his half siblings as well.

Stepmomed's picture

Submitted by Stepmomed on Wed, 01/04/2017 - 10:05pm

You would at least think he would ask how are the children he traumatized if he were truly sorry.

Acratopotes's picture

Submitted by Acratopotes on Thu, 01/05/2017 - 1:25am

SS is not sorry - he's playing the manipulation game, best DH can do is wish him well and say I will sign any document for you to change your name...

then SS will write another letter calling DH names telling him he was never a father and blablablablabla

Acratopotes's picture

Submitted by Acratopotes on Thu, 01/05/2017 - 6:35am

He had to Hon, it's his son as evil as that thing might be, but DH will never have piece until he sees the truth...

Maybe DH will get closure eventually, i would still suggest DH writing SS back and say, just send me the forms I will sign it gladly for you to change your name, but I will not put my family in danger anymore... then see SS's reaction...

encourage DH to obtain the forms, fill it in and then simply post it to SS saying your wish is my command, I hope we can have piece one day when you are an adult and realized just how many lives you destroyed.

Stepmomed's picture

Submitted by Stepmomed on Thu, 01/05/2017 - 6:42am

DH is weak he will most likely not terminate his rights and just be the ATM for BM because he feels guilty. I'm the one who called the police not him so I'm not sure why he feels guilty. I hate that child and always will. I hate his mother as well because I'm sure the only reason why she sent him to us was because she knew he had these problems. Instead of getting him help she decided it's best for him to get the opportunity to do what he's probably done to his sisters to my kids.

Acratopotes's picture

Submitted by Acratopotes on Thu, 01/05/2017 - 6:48am

This is a shitty situation to be in, but you are a strong gal....

take over the house hold finances, and DH's salary, sit him down and say you have no issue if he wants to financial support this kid even he signed away all rights, but this is the way he will do it... he can deposit X amount, which he can afford, into a separate bank account for SS, SS can only get this money once age 21..... to start new and fresh if he's not in jail..... if DH hands more money then this to BM... he better be prepared to sign his life over to our divorce lawyer, cause you will leave him and you will destroy him...

Reason being - he was a shitty father to SS and you will not allow your children being hurt any more... not by SS, BM or DH even if you have to kill all off them.

Stepmomed's picture

Submitted by Stepmomed on Thu, 01/05/2017 - 6:55am

Well so far we haven't really discussed it he got off work after I went to bed. I'm not sure what is going through his mind.

Stepmomed's picture

Submitted by Stepmomed on Thu, 01/05/2017 - 7:07am

I'm in therapy but he refuses it. I'm worried for my kids that if DH chooses to keep a relationship with SS that my kids with DH will feel betrayed.

Stepmomed's picture

Submitted by Stepmomed on Thu, 01/05/2017 - 7:27am

Because he said verbatim he would rather push his feelings way down and ignore them but of course he can't do that

Stepmomed's picture

Submitted by Stepmomed on Thu, 01/05/2017 - 7:31am

I don't care what he does. I'm more concerned about my kids. The oldest 2 go to their school counselor my 4 year old talks to me but I don't think he truly understand what happened. He doesn't want counseling.

Stepmomed's picture

Submitted by Stepmomed on Thu, 01/05/2017 - 8:22am

It's affected me so bad I quit my job on Tuesday but my boss said that he understood and that I can come back when I'm ready

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Thu, 01/05/2017 - 8:48am

I hope your DH isn't falling for this apology letter crap. Writing an apology letter is the pansy way to go. IF someone is TRULY sorry for their actions a phone call or face to face is the only apology I would ever accept. SD19 sent me an apology email years ago.. what a joke. I knew the second I read it, she did not mean a word of it and it was proven time and time again in the years following.

I would not even call this an "apology" letter. It's a manipulation letter, a fuck you, hope you're happy now letter and your DH is falling right into it. UGH.

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Thu, 01/05/2017 - 9:42am

well since you said now DH feels like crap and will probably NOT terminate his rights... then he is falling for it... and I'm not knocking him for that... the SS is good, his letter did exactly what it was intended to do because he knows your DH is a good man with a good heart.

Stepmomed's picture

Submitted by Stepmomed on Thu, 01/05/2017 - 9:59am

Just got a text from DH he said he's done with SS and he hates that SS ruined our lives

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Thu, 01/05/2017 - 10:09am

can't say as I blame him. SS has put him in a spot where he is forced to choose one child over another for safety reasons. Nobody should ever be put in that position.

Stepmomed's picture

Submitted by Stepmomed on Thu, 01/05/2017 - 11:21am

DH was a victim of molestation at gun point by a family member when he was a kid