Kids saying they are bored - feeling guilty

I am feeling guilty as there just seems to be less time to do stuff with the kids what with my BF and I both working shifts (we try and swap around so one of us is home but it means less time when we are both home) and I am studying. Plus general life stuff like housework, homework, packed lunches.

The kids also spend more time in their own bedrooms - tv, music, gaming etc. I expect that is normal at their ages. :/

But they still want to do stuff like bake and have movie nights and games nights. Which we do but with them having contact with their mum 2 evenings a week and sometimes having another evening with their grandparents due to us both being at work there is less and less time for it.

I don't know if it is just kids wanting something to moan about as they are busy off in their rooms. Or they are bored. Maybe constant boredom is normal - I was a carer as a child so had very little free time to be bored in!

Plus many things they want to do involve spending money. Hopefully when the weather improves they will be more interested in going to the park or mini farm or just outdoor stuff.

I just don't want them to feel forgotten - when they were with BM they pretty much lived in their bedrooms just watching television.

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WOrried - these are not yours

WOrried - these are not yours to entertain lol..... yes they are bored cause they never learned how to entertain themselves, why can't the kid play a board game on their own, why do you have to play with them?

Now next time they complain of being bored, test this.. say yes I get you want to do something, but I still need to sweep/mop the floors, do the dishes and laundry, clean the house and bathrooms.. tell you what.. you do this and you do that and I will do this, then the work is quickly over and we can play a game...

guaranteed they will all remember they have something to do in their rooms and you will not see them again
This is not because they are skids... this is because they are normal lazy children lol, bio's does the same...
it's so much easier for an adult to make sure there's entertainment cause they are lazy little buggers.... I played the house clenaing card with my bio and suddenly he was not bored any more... days he actually did help in the house I knew he wanted to go to the pool, and there was no way I would take him unless the house is clean.. so he helped.

Sometimes they will help with

Sometimes they will help with chores when I suggest them - not scrubbing the grout with a toothbrush though for some reason.

It amuses me sometimes that they think I can magic entertainment up especially if I am doing something like folding laundry on a Saturday night.

Occasionally they will play a game together or watch a film or something but they argue a lot.

I read that too and it does

I read that too and it does make sense. They seem to be able to spend hours staring at a screen of some sort which would bore me to tears.

They do have their own chores

They do have their own chores but it is like there is no internal motivation most of the time.

I have changed my whole life

I have changed my whole life to fit around my BF and the kids. I mean I made a fair few changes when I moved in but when they moved in full time it really stepped up. It feels a bit like it is expected.

Not a degree - just an NVQ course in social care.

My BF cooks with them and will play games and board games and stuff. SD tends to come to me as BF is not into crafting or stuff like that.

The house is pretty full - there are books and board games and films and even daft stuff like story cubes. I don't know if they are used to it - at BM's they did very little apart from watching television and, for a fair bit of their childhood, they were being used as weapons against BF so he didn't always have much time with them.

My mom told us that if we

My mom told us that if we were bored, she had some stuff we could do... chores. We didn't act bored much. lol.

Seriously, kids will whine and circle like sharks and they will be sooo booored. Of course, they will also want to do spendy things like going to the trampoline center, skating rink or Arcade. The age of your Skids (10 and 14).. means they have relatively little concept of the value of money and just figure that you can pay.. parents pay.

That does not mean you or their dad have to feed their craving for high cost, low value activities.

I would let them learn how to entertain themselves. If they cry boredom, you can suggest a few things for them to do. If they still cry boredom, you can suggest CHORES. Past that, let Dad do all the heavy worrying.

My mum was the same - I had

My mum was the same - I had all sorts of chores and could entertain myself pretty easily otherwise.

Oh they seem to have no clue about money! Something breaks - well buy a new one then. We try and do low cost stuff (baking, crafting, movie nights etc) and also some more expensive stuff like the cinema or trampolining.

My BF isn't really a worrier where as I could win olympic gold at it.

Just try to keep this thought

Just try to keep this thought in mind.

No kid EVER died of boredom. A bored kid is not a neglected kid (though they will act all dramatic and make you feel otherwise).

Kid are also shameless mooches. It's like our old neighbor that constantly asked my husband if he could have 20 bucks. My DH finally asked why he kept asking... and the guy said "If I don't ask, I won't have any chance of getting it from you". Kids are playing the odds. They ask 100 times and get a yes 20 times. It's worth it to ask, no consequences but getting told "no".

By the way, it's OK to let something be about YOU every once in a while. Don't feel guilty doing things you like... watching TV you like...etc... Getting their own way and being catered to 100% of the time is not healthy either.

I think being a carer from a

I think being a carer from a young age means that I do feel guilty when I do something that is just for me.

That makes sense - if they don't ask they don't get and even if they get told no the majority of the time they are still getting more than if they never asked.

They have all sorts of stuff to amuse themselves with and usually (with a bit of prompting) they will get on with a book or game. They just seem to need that prompting!

I don't know if it is how I

I don't know if it is how I was born or how I was raised - I just automatically put myself last. When I met my BF it would drive him crazy that I couldn't do something simple like picking where to eat because I was too busy trying to figure out where he wanted to go and wanting to give the "right" answer.

SD is 15, SS is 11 and BM is pretty toxic - lies, guilt, emotional blackmail, using the kids as weapons, trying to poison them against us, playing victim. Although she has only supervised contact now.

My DH was one of those who

My DH was one of those who always asked me what "I wanted to do for dinner" where I wanted to go, what I wanted to do.

At first, I was frustrated because I wanted HIM to have an opinion and TBH, sometimes what I want to do is just let someone ELSE make the decision after a long day of work.

In fact, it was something that irritated me to the point where I considered not seeing him any more... until my good sense kicked in. I asked myself what I had gotten with all the "losers" before him who had to have their own way all the time. What was WRONG with getting to always be the "princess"? So, I stuck it out and found that it is one of the things I love about him now:). Of course, he now realizes that sometimes what I actually want is to not have to make a decision myself so he will find cool places to go and fun things to do and surprise me sometimes.

But, if we go out to eat and both order different things and I don't like what I got.. he will always switch plates with me!

Of course, it's a bit of a balancing act when he also has two girls (now grown).. but generally, I always felt like a priority. I don't have to be FIRST.. but I know I matter.

I will be honest that I think

I will be honest that I think all kids are pretty much wired to be self-centered jerks. Look at all the letters to advice columns from relatives lamenting their grandchild or nephew doesn't write thank you notes for gifts..or even acknowledge them!

That is not to say that kids can't have moments of generosity, but they don't normally put a lot of thought into what other people feel.

Then there is the slippery slope of people who want to try to compensate for the tragedy that the children's parents are split up (MY MIL would be one of those lol but that's also the disney mom/dad too) and you can have kids who truly feel a natural entitlement to always be first and get what they want and expect to be catered to.

Kids will survive boredom. Kids will survive having a modest pile of presents under the tree. Kids will not die if they don't get to go to the trampoline house this weekend. They will also not expire if they have to miss a sleepover because it's "mom's weekend" etc... Kids should feel cared for and loved, but they should also have boundaries and not be allowed to rule the roost. Parent's/Adults run the home, kids are subject to the whims of the adults... not the other way around.

It sounds like you are a caring person OP. Just be careful to make sure you don't make it all about making others happy and bending your life into a pretzel for them. Ultimately, if they do end up appreciating you, it's likely to be when they are more mature adults (if ever). I'm lucky, both my SD's seem to appreciate what I did for them growing up but they still do love MOM and if the chips were down it would be her over me.

They have that loyalty to the bio parents that they just won't ever be able to give you (except in the most extreme situations). Enjoy them, have fun with them, but take care of yourself too. They also have a DAD and let him carry some of the burden on himself as well.

as kids, i remember us saying

as kids, i remember us saying to dad "i'm boooooored" and his response was "then why dont you guys line up and smell armpits." lol!!! being bored and then solving that problem yourself as a kid is part of the learning-to-grow-up process. kids dont need to be entertained by an adult 24/7 or they will develop no imagination or problem-solving skills.