BM2 is getting on my nerves lately.....
SO is really sick. He's been pretty sick going on a week now. This is a man who will not miss work no matter what is going on and he hasn't been all week.
BM2 gets paid her CS on Thursday when SO gets paid. Sometimes he can't link up with her or see SD6 so he'll drop the money off on Monday or Tuesday. EVERY WEEK she starts harassing him for money on Wednesday. This stops for Thursday and then starts harassing him about again, first thing on Friday.
She doesn't ask him, she doesn't communicate about SD6 with him. She just repeatedly texts "Where's my fucking money SO". "This is getting ridiculous I need my fucking money". THE DAY AFTER HE GIVES HER MONEY.
Any and all visitation must be scheduled through BM2's mother, because "it's too uncomfortable" for BM. SO is in regular contact with BM2's mother and leaves CS with her most days if he can't drop it off at BM's work.
BM2 works probably 20 hours a week (a cut from where she was working previously) lives with her parents and SD6 told SO at his last visit with her (the Monday before he got sick) that BM2 stays at her boyfriend's most nights.
I have my BD2, my autistic SS11, a full time job and no help for the past 6 days. My family does not help me with my children hardly ever so when I got her long sob story text about how she hasn't heard from him, this is so ridiculous, she's only contacting me out of desperation I asked her if she ever speaks to her mother. Then she adds in that SD6 texted him last night and it's pathetic he couldn't even answer her.
SO was sleeping so I went into the bedroom and grabbed his phone. I screen shotted his conversations with BM's mother regarding SD6, child support, visits and his being sick. I also screen shotted where he texted his daughter back. Funny-I think that's something you would know if you weren't constantly dumping your child and all your responsibility on someone else at 33 years old.
I told her to grow up. Talk to her mom and leave me the hell alone. I'm busy taking care of my kids and going to work. I kind of feel a little bad now. I'm tired and in a horrendous mood. It's not her fault but I get so sick of the constant nonsense.
He doesn't respond to her because of the way she talks to him. I have told him to tell her this. I'm not getting in the middle of it.
They are 33 and 34 year old adults for Pete's sake. I'm nooooooot doing this. I didn't make this child with her. I don't owe her squat. It's not my job to facilitate their relationship. When SD6 comes over to visit it's my job to keep her safe, fed and happy. That's ALL i'm interested in.
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stop feeling bad - she got
stop feeling bad - she got what she asked for... You where polite to her Hon,
I simply would block her from contacting me and then via' DH's phone text her back - EFF OFF you whoring leach, DH is sick, I'm taking care of the children and him and I still work... you might try and do that and not dump your daughter on your parents while whoring around
Wow, BM2 sounds like a class
Wow, BM2 sounds like a class act. It makes you wonder though. If she lives with her parents and her DD is with her parents most of the time, why is she so desperate for that cs? I don't think you should feel bad at all. I would never drag my ex's fiancee into things. But then again, my ex has the bank cut me a check for CS and it is mailed every two weeks. Unless it is extremely late, I don't say anything to him about it.
she needs the money for sexy
she needs the money for sexy cloths and facials and plastic nails - to impress the new squeezeeeeee
Or the gym membership that
Or the gym membership that isn't working.
I need to not be nasty.
Thanks guys. I haven't
Thanks guys.
I haven't blocked her yet just because I'm worried that if she can't reach SO if there was an emergency (SD6's school was the target of a very credible gun violence threat 2 years ago-the guy was charged and is currently in jail) she can reach me (and honestly something like that I would hope she would want to inform SO), I have his supervisor's phone number so I can reach him no matter what.
However, SD was very very sick for weeks last year and BM never said anything to SO. She just kept cancelling visits saying that SD had a play date or they had other plans. He found out from ME that SD6 had been sick for weeks and was hospitalized because BM told me in one of her "poor me" text rants.
The thing that bugs me, is that I could fix this. I could just start cutting checks every week, mailing them, and not have to hear about it. BUT I DON'T WANT TO. They as SD6's parents need to communicate with one another and figure this out. I am SO SICK of taking care of everyone else's problems all the time. In the past I have told both BM and SO they need to sit down and hash this resentment shit out once and for all. BM hates SO because he left. He left because she has no aspirations to move out of her parents house and at the time was an active alcoholic. SO is a recovering alcoholic. He hasn't had a drink is 7 years and didn't want to be around it. He slept in the basement at BM's mother's house when they were together, on an old couch, living out of trashbags.
I don't understand WHY she's such a wretch all the time. Like please, take a long hard look in the mirror babe. But no, she's perfect. Nothing is ever her fault. This can't be part of why she still shacks up with mommy.
Think about this... If BM and
Think about this...
If BM and SO was still married.... and there was an emergency, she could not get a hold of him... who would she call...
Same goes for now.... block BM, if she can't get a hold of SO, then she needs to have some one else she can call but just not you, she brought this over herself, merely cause she involves you with wanting money - that's not SD related and strictly between her and SO... you have nothing to do with it
Probably his supervisor but I
Probably his supervisor but I don't want her having his number.
I'm going to have to think on this. Maybe I can talk to him and see if he can trust BM's mother with the number.
HMMMMMM you make me think Acra.
there you go... and no not
there you go... and no not his supervisor, BM needs to have one of her own family members available in case SO is not reachable.... and know what... whom ever BM choose has nothing to do with SO or you
Yeah, I suppose in the
Yeah, I suppose in the interest of getting this away from my plate you're right.
I just love these kids. I want their parents to be available to them when they need them. But they need to figure that out not me.
My divisional director actually told me last week that just because I'm aware of something doesn't mean that it's my responsibility to fix it. People have to want to help themselves. SO and BM have to want to help themselves otherwise they'll just keep unloading it onto me because it's easier.
#newmantra?
And now that you mention
And now that you mention it-taking it out of the check does sound like a good idea. I'll talk to him about that when he wakes up.
He should pay through child
He should pay through child support enforcement but I would not have it taken directly out of his paycheck.
Why wouldn't you have it
Why wouldn't you have it taken out of his check? Just out of curiosity?
what if he changes
what if he changes jobs......
and I guess for record keeping - do it through the correct channels
She knows where he works, I
She knows where he works, I told her that the last time she complained. She said he hadn't been paying her insurance for months-which we had no idea, he doesn't get pay stubs (direct deposit) and apparently this had been going on for 4 months and she didn't say anything. I flipped because I hate thought of a kid not having health insurance.
She then informed me she had it under control, she had insurance not to worry. WHAT??????? Crazy nut.
For some reason the temp agency he's working through didn't process the correct paperwork for the "support order" that is in place for insurance. That's only like $7 and change per check so he pays her weekly additionally.
He has also pays her more money when he has it. She's just unhappy with her life and needs someone to blame it on. I'm tired of it being SO.
He loses all control. Screw
He loses all control. Screw ups happen ALL of the time with paycheck garnishments, when there is a job change or a change in procedure, or a change of any kind.
My DH paid CSE, they paid BM. When he changed jobs, there was no delay, no screw ups, BM didn't even know there was a job change. When he got laid off, he still paid like clockwork and she did not know his business. When SD was emancipated, there were no extra payments made because the state failed to stop the garnishment in time, stuff like that. Just my personal opinion and experience.
Plus, garnishments of any kind do not look good, even if voluntary.
well I am in the process of
well I am in the process of fixing our credit so that is very good to know. Do they have an online system or do I have to send a check? I hate checks.
Probably, you'd have to check
Probably, you'd have to check with your state CSE. It's been awhile for us, thank God.
My BM2 is 42 years old and
My BM2 is 42 years old and STILL acts like this. DH usually writes her 6 months of CS checks at a time and just post dates them for the first of each month... because he hates the stupid "reminders" and asinine text messages even though he's NEVER been late. But after she cashes the last one... sure as shit at LEAST a week before the next month, she'll start texting DH... "just so you know, I'm out of checks", "need a check!" then heaven forbid he doesn't respond she'll text "????" Bitch he's never been late, stop the stupid harassing!
I can't imagine being 42 years old and being so desperate and pathetic that $100.00 is going to make or break me. (BM gets SSDI for SS because DH is disabled and he pays the difference of $100.00 to make up the full CS)
It just dawned on me that I
It just dawned on me that I will probably have to deal with this for 10 more years. Woof.