Me again, just an annoyed rant...

Maybe I'm being childish. You all can tell me if you'd like

BM just got back Monday from Bahamas. She was gone for 8 days. So, as the weekends go, we had the weekend before she left "off" and weekend she was gone "on". No problem I guess. Except that our off weekend was spent carting SS15 around for sports and having him at our place because he didn't want to bother BM for a ride or be at BMs alone without food and cable. (Yes yes she's a real winner)

Fine, even though SO spent the rest of "our" weekend working, so we weren't able to have some desperately needed quality time, SS really didn't bug me too much.

Kids go to school Mon morning and come to our house afterwards and stayed with us until Easter when they went to BILs. Then mon night BM picks up, Tuesday they're back at our house, wed BM, Thursday our house etc.

This was again supposed to be our weekend but SO has been picking up as much extra work as possible in any empty space he can find. That's annoying but okay I guess as it's part of life.

SS has a tournament all weekend and even though I have no interest in this sport or understand it I agreed to go in the morning and watch just to get some quality time with SO. (Btw we even had to drive out tonight to pick him up because BM was nowhere to be found as per usual Saturday night) .

SS called a couple hours ago and asked SO to give him a ride in the morning instead of going with his friend because he wanted to be there earlier. SO and I were supposed to drive in together, then head for lunch on the water afterwards, something we haven't done in a long time.

Even though we've been fighting the last couple of days I was actually excited to spend some time with him. If we gave SS a ride in the morning, we'd have to stay all day, give him a ride home and get him lunch too. So our plans are out the window.

I'm fuming. Honestly typing it all out sound so petty, but I was really heartbroken SO decided to once again change OUR plans because something with his ex or kids popped up or someone else needed him again.

I feel like I always come second to everyone and am always on the back burner. I feel like I am never a priority, or time spent with me is a priority to SO.

I flipped and told him to just forget it and even to call SS21 and spend the day with them doing the things that him and I were supposed to do.

We've been fighting so much we really need it this time especially after just having had all the kids for almost two weeks straight. It's not about giving SS a ride, it's about anytime anyone calls ( and by anyone I mean anyone with his same last name) he jumps for them and plans with me just get pushed aside.

He's even trying to get me to change an appointment I've had for a month because someone called him last minute today for a side job, like things and plans in my life aren't as important or of as much value to him as his are.

I feel like if I fit into his life, then thats great! If not then I can just go screw myself.

I cannot get this effing man to see the point I'm making! Or how hurt I am. The only thing he sees is that I'm trying to keep him from spending time with his children or going to them when they need him.

MomandSMofSix's blog
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I get that, literally

I get that, literally EVERYTHING skids have they supposedly find out last minute. Drives me crazy. But I do understand things can get hectic and busy and things spring up in a house of 7!

However my point is that first it's supposed to be BM weekend, so it should be HER bringing SS, HER feeding SS, etc. But instead SO is covering AGAIN even though she JUST got back from a vacation in which WE took the kids the entire time. She's seen them all of 8 hours since she's been back! We also already drove SS around for her the weekend before she left and he stayed with us because she was MIA as usual!

We needed this time. And it feels like they are just always so much more important.

I'm tired of the same excuse all the time of "its for my kids, not her, should I just tell them no and leave them hanging all the time?" YES! YES YOU SHOULD because maybe BM would actually effing DO something every once in a while!

It's all in what you want to

It's all in what you want to do. My "Skids" call and ask for everything. Swimsuits for a birthday party was the most recent. Dress clothes, shoes, coats, money for book fair with BM dictating what amount is to be sent, medicine, TOILET PAPER, etc. The "Skids" would call every single day for some request they needed at Mom's house. "Skids" is in quotes because it's really BM asking SKIDS to call.

I'll give you a for example. BM had SD7 call my husband at work to ask for a bathing suit for a birthday party she was going to. My husband was AT WORK. She was sitting at an extracurricular event for her other child. My husband said no he is not bringing a swimsuit, he's at work, and BM would have to provide one. All of a sudden he is an awful father, blah blah, but SHE never has what they need. When SD called she said "Mommy doesn't have time to get me one."

Here's the breakdown: custody agreement states 50/50 one week on, one week off. We have kids 80 percent of the time. BM has them two nights per week since they don't follow custody agreement. Last week in particular, when she asked for the swimsuit, she was responsible for the kids Saturday ONLY - the day she asked for the swimsuit. Can Mom not take care of kids ONE DAY while dad WORKS?????

So, would I let my child go without because the other parent sucks? No. I would go attempt to get kids full-time if Mom can't provide for them on her time. We have them full-time anyway. But my husband doesn't want to go get them full-time because he is afraid kids will think he is taking them away from their mother. Even though he isn't, he's just putting on paper what is already happening. So you have to let BM fall on her face sometimes if you're going to stick with the current situation. It sucks for the kids, but that's their mom and she has just as much a responsibility to provide as dad does. And if Dad is supposed to leave work for swimsuits, picking kids up from school last minute twice a week, snow boots, etc, then Dad will need to quit his job so he can be available 24/7 for whatever BM needs at the current moment.

Now, if my DH didn't have the kids nearly every day, I would think differently and say, do what you can to get the swimsuit to her. But we cannot afford to stock our house and BM house too.

And BTW, if we had known SD didn't have a swimsuit, we would have provided it BEFORE she went to BMs so she had what she needed.

Edited to add: Guess what? SD got the swimsuit somehow.

BM was home when SO picked SS

BM was home when SO picked SS up. She could have brought him and chose instead to have him ask his father to bring him. Things e this ALWAYS happen. If she was working or busy it would make more sense to me that SO not leave his kids hanging, but it's pure laziness on her part. She's cool with her kids being around, as long as they work for her sxhedule, otherwise it's not her problem. She never wanted kids and should never have had any. She only thinks about #1.

"I'm tired of the same excuse

"I'm tired of the same excuse all the time of "its for my kids, not her, should I just tell them no and leave them hanging all the time?" YES! YES YOU SHOULD because maybe BM would actually effing DO something every once in a while!"

Actually, he shouldn't. He knows that his ex is a shitty parent. The kid should not have to suffer because he has a POS mom. Your SO knows darn well that the chances of his ex doing the right thing in regards to the kids are slim to none.

Him stepping up to pick up her slack is absolutely the right thing for him to do at this point in their life. The man doesn't stop being a parent just because it's mom's weekend. Mom flaked so dad is doing what any decent parent would do.

You can't make him be the type of SO you want/need him to be. He can't make BM be the type of mother his kids want/need her to be.

Just because her DH has kids

Just because her DH has kids doesn't mean that he has to be at BM and SS's beckoned call. It seems that if it is on BM's time then BM should be the one making the arrangements because it seems to be happening quite often that they are depending on dad to do everything for SS. I understand things happened and stuff comes up with kids but, this seems like they are leaning on dad way too much and need to let him and his wife have some quality time together and figure out their own problems. I see it was BM doesn't care because she doesn't seem to be around so that is why SS is calling dad all the time.