What to say to a sore loser?
What is the best way to teach a 17 yr old about winning and losing at games? When my SD is winning at a game she is very smug and cocky (even calling out other players as "dumb" or happily pointing out how awful they are doing) but if she is losing, look out! She had a mini tantrum over the weekend in front of DH's sister and brother-in-law because she was in last place during a game we were playing. I tried to gently remind her that it is only a game and the point is to have fun but she ignored me and purposely messed up the rest of the game for everybody. She loudly complained that "this game is stupid " and "my (game token) is cursed". Then she proceeded to mess up the results of ever round in the game when they didn't favor her. It was embarrassing quite frankly. The first game she won, the second a younger family member (14 year old male) won and he acted more mature and even gracious when he came in last on the first game. Of course my DH simply doesn't understand why I usually decline playing with his angel in any sort of competition.
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If it was my kid or a friend
If it was my kid or a friend of mine who behaved like that, I most likely would just avoid playing games with them. If they asked to play a game, I'd say sure, but first we need to talk about the rules.
I wouldn't mention their past bad behaviour, I'd just explain the target behaviour and what will happen if they don't conduct themselves as requested.
In my case, "SD, sure we can play a game. But before we do, let's talk about the rules. When we play together, nobody cheats, and the goal is for everyone to have fun together. If you or someone else cares too much about winning, it's not fun anymore. You might want to do some homework on boardgamegeek to find out what kind of game appeals to you - some people enjoy games that are completely random but then there is little you can do to control whether you win or lose. Other people like games that are very strategic so that they can have more control over what happens in the game. But before we play, I want you to give some thought to how you can make sure the game is pleasant for everyone, even if you're not doing very well yourself."
moe, i couldn't do it that
moe, i couldn't do it that way. i'd likely look at her like she has three heads and say something along the lines of "WTF are you THREE???" then excuse myself from her presence.
Well... I wasn't a
Well... I wasn't a game-player until after I'd been married to DH for a couple of years. And I admit to some tears (a surprise for me too!) over a stupid game until I learned about how much I hate games of chance. And games that are all strategy (since DH is a freakin' game genius!)
And now I have a 3yo. My philosophy is that we play the game as intended, and that the game is just for fun. If my kid breaks the rules, we explain how the game works and that it's just for fun - that it is just chance if she gets to do what she wants in the game. So we play just for fun, not to win. If she breaks the rules again, then we tidy up the game. Since we're not playing just for fun anymore if someone is not following the rules. I soooooo wish someone had explained that to me before I was *ahem* approaching 40.... and seriously, it was DH explaining that to me that 'cured' me of taking it to heart when I didn't do well.
Yes that is the response I
Yes that is the response I felt like giving. Sigh. I get so damn sick of biting my tongue
Gads. Moe has good
Gads. Moe has good suggestions. This needs to be nipped in the bud ASAP. SD is MUCH too old for this kind of behavior.
I flat out refuse to play any board games with my 60yo SIL or my 61yo BIL.
BIL loves strategy; especially a game that allows him to use 2 pawns to 'block' other players while his remaining 2 pawns finish. Only after that, will he move his 'blockade' pawns. He's an arrogant arsehole.
SIL is a poor sport all the way around. If she's winning, she's gloating and acting superior. If she's losing, she's pouty, things are 'unfair', and/or she's razzing her son with things like "you won't know this answer!" and "how the HE!! did you know that?". The final straw was Thanksgiving dinner 12 or so years ago. My sister and I were teamed up for Trivial Pursuit and we won. SIL was so PO'd, that she washed every casserole dish EXCEPT the ones my sister and I brought. Since that time, we've used disposable aluminum containers to cook the side dishes. The following year, because we would NOT play board games, SIL pointedly cleaned up every casserole/side dish except ours. Sis made a show of crumpling hers up and throwing it in the trash. I said/did nothing and left mine there. }:)
I have a feeling SD is going
I have a feeling SD is going to turn out just like your SIL.
That's why no one will play
That's why no one will play board games with SIL any longer. Not even my brother.
Hey! I learned as an adult!
Hey! I learned as an adult! Of course, I *wanted* to learn, and I'm usually really nice, I was just taking not-winning as a big slam about my worthiness as a human being. As one does. Lol.
If the person is otherwise decent, I'd explain and set expectations. A friend of my mother's once told me (she was in her 60s at the time) that she had had to tell another friend that she wouldn't go out to dinner with her anymore unless the friend could refrain from licking her plate when finished.
Yes, seriously.
I figure, that's tough love, right there. On both ends!
Echo- was about to type the
Echo- was about to type the same thing!! You cant teach 17!!
I stopped playing with SS around 8-9 years old, i tried and tried to play/bond with him over video games, but he was a huge BRAT...if i finally started getting used to a game, and actually won, he would just turn the game off!! Then he would tell me "he is tired" or would say "ok you can leave now" i guess his dad would not tell him its rude, or would just leave- not me! I took ALL his power cords the one time he was a little shit, and i told DH until he apologizes i will not return them- took 2 days but he broke down said sorry- but i did not play anymore with him after that!
He is 13 now and i will only play the lego games a d buck hunter with him- not much trash talking goes on with those games. My son is 8 and he wants to play with ss very badly, but i only allow short time frames because ss gets very sarcastic and rude - to an 8 year old- he makes fun of him and unlike ss friends, my son takes it personally- ive tried talking to ss but he cant turn it off. So yeah, id stop playing with her...they dont change.