Seeking advice for upcoming trip
STalkers, has anyone travelled with skids and bios? We are going on a two-week trip that I thought would be wonderful but I am trying hard to control my panic. After my last post about acting in accord and expecting less of the relationship, things with skids are still just awful. I have realized that I do not love or even like them at this point, and things with DH have been strained. I have not disengaged fully but I have taken myself out of all matters related to asking them to do things, giving them permission to do things, etc.
I've initiated speaking to a trusted friend who is a social worker about addressing the issues that I know are mine around this, but I know that I will also need DH to understand and support what I'm trying to accomplish by tuning ALL dealings over to him.
I am most nervous about the fact that we are traveling to see DH's family, who are lovely AND who have never seen us all together AND who don't have any idea of what a difficult dynamic this all is. When they see that I have basically no closeness with my stepsons, what will they think? Will DH and I be able to handle the stress of traveling with all these kids? I am really dreading this. 
Do you have any pearls of wisdom regarding traveling with kids you don't have a good relationship with?
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DH and I undertook a roadtrip
DH and I undertook a roadtrip with his two and my one the summer before we got married. It was literally hell on earth.
The one good thing that came from that trip was that I got to know his grandmother. She's amazing and sweet, and I feel like she had already seen it all, so the chaos that we brought was NBD. DH and I even got into a HUGE scrap while we were there, and she was gracious and kind, even so. I adore her and how welcoming she has been to me.
The worst of it, for me, was watching the skids try to exclude my DD. They're a year apart in age, and SD is very manipulative to start with, so I suspect she just seized on DD's weakness.
Lessons learned... Plan some time when it's just you and DH and when it's just him and his bios. You all will need some respite from each other and with each other, too.
In my past step family
In my past step family relationship I travelled with adult SDs. It was the worst experience. He$$. Never again.
I'm not sure what kind of
I'm not sure what kind of trip this is going to be.. the type of travel, how much moving around and forced "togetherness" you will be facing.
Even with the best of families and groups, going on vacation with people who are of various ages and interests and maturity is a challenge. My YSD just got back from a trip with her mom and it wasn't much fun since they had a bunch of young kids and it just took forever to get everyone ready to go do things. She spent a ton of time just waiting in the room.. plus had to sleep on a couch in the living room. She's a 19 yo girl.. so not having a space for herself and not having kids her own age to go do things with was frustrating. She told us she doesn't plan on going on this annual vacay with her mom and BF in the future. Just wasn't worth her time tbh.
So, with all that in mind, I think you do need to be super clear with your DH that HE needs to deal with his kids. He needs to get them moving, ready, disciplined, entertained etc... Have some noise cancelling headphones and a book and just tune them out if it gets bad. Your only real concession will be to put up with some inconvenience and waits. You are an adult, you can do that without a meltdown..lol.
As far as the family, I wouldn't stress too much about what they will read into your relationship. In fact if they see you "bossing" the kids around, it actually might look worse. Just put your best foot forward. Be as kind and pleasant as possible..including with interactions with the kids. If the kids decide to show their butts... then they look like they are the bad guys.
It's not that the family will love them less, but at least you look like you are trying.
You are right to feel
You are right to feel panicked. Because that's about as well as they go.
yes have done it for 4 years,
yes have done it for 4 years, Deigma and Aergia on holiday with us.
It's simple actually....... you keep on being disengage, you are polite to the kids and that's about that.
If you want to do fun things with your children you simply do it, your excuse for not taking skids... visit your family skids, we are giving you family time.
You being distant from skids, easy explain it as you and DH decided each to their own children cause you have different parenting styles. If the family tries to ask questions, laugh and say... kids will be kids and change the subject...
never say anything bad about any child, not bio's and not skids in front of the family, do your own thing with your children and encourage DH to do his own thing with his kids and family... at least one day, maybe 2 days, if you are there 2 weeks... then 5 days
If you see something nice and wants to buy it for your kids, do not feel guilty if you did not get skids anything... their father can get them something.
be nice and friendly and help the hostess, pretend stephell is all fun and laughter....
Multiple trips through the
Multiple trips through the years. Used to all 4 share (SO,SGD,DS & myself) a hotel room. Until puberty hit.
Last trip required 2 hotel rooms: girl/boy. So, I was stuck with a teen girl who required hours to be ready.