Coparenting course
So the only thing that seems to be holding up SO's divorce now is that both of him and BM are required to take a co-parenting course. Let alone they've been at this for months SO was just informed of this. BM apparently either didn't know or has been waiting too. Considering she HAS to have the course completed before she can file I'm really thinking she didn't know. How I don't know but while she HAS to have it if he doesn't he could be found in contempt so I really think if she knew she would have had it done ages ago in attempt to screw him over.
Anyways when SO looked at the classes the hours were horrible and extremely limited. It was literally a month away so he looked into doing it online. Of course the court wants a very particular certificate from ONE court approved group. After a few days SO did get contacts back from them that said he could do it online. He started it one day then went to return to it this weekend and couldn't find it again. He just called me back from talking to the lawyer who is now extremely pissed also. For some reason the online option just vanished. SO paid money to do this. The same amount he needed to pay if he went to the in person class. He stated and put in at least an hour already. Now the group isn't responding to him or his lawyer.
This is the last thing SO needs on his end to have this done with and the group is giving him the run around. He chose to do it this way to be done with it and now he's unable to complete it? This group was approved by the court and it seems like they just scammed him.
Anyways that's where we are.
Anyone else experience this co parenting class BS? Was there other online options? I've looked and found other online offerings for co parenting courses but of course they'd need to be approved first. He lives in a different county then the one BM is filing the divorce through so going in person was already a distance challenge. Then the class is only offered once a month in person. Hopefully the court will give him permission to use a different but equal class? If so any advice on what site to go through so when the lawyer presents it it's more likely to get approved?
Oh I want to add that at the start of this BM pulled this BS about him having anger problems (She was the abusive one but whatever.) SO jumped through those hoops and got it done both in person and an online offering through the local library. On top of it we found out the same group offered free parenting courses and we both went to one on positive discipline so this isn't' a case of SO trying to avoid the class. It's just going in person is difficult because the county has limited recourses. Online should be an option in my mind or they need to let him take it here in our county which has many more services and offerings.
- Dontfeedthetrolls's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
If your SO can find an
If your SO can find an equivalent class, then he just needs to present it to the court to see what they say.
When my parents got divorced, they had to go through a parenting class and my siblings and I had to go through a coping class. My brother and I were in one class with a handful of other kids doing worksheets on how we felt, drawing pictures, etc. I was a teen when my parents divorced and thought it was dumb. My sister was in the younger age group, and they watched Mrs. Doubtfire over the 6 week course. If there was ever a bad movie to show young, impressionable kids about divorce, it was that one.
Ultimately, though, my parents had no say on what classes they took. They were told to go to the behavioral health clinic with us or not be granted the divorce. Unfortunately, the courts don't have to work with you because they gain nothing by being flexible.
I wish the courts offered
I wish the courts offered something for the kids though what you explain is scary.
From what we've observed BM does not want to talk to the kids about this or believe it's impacting them at all. She has pretty much said that in messages when SO requested she get the kids in therapy.
Long story but he was unable and even now it would be extremely difficult without her support because of their current parenting arrangement.
The court ordered parenting
The court ordered parenting classes at the parent's expense and BM didn't learn a dang thing! Everything they were told not to do, she did, naturally. Yet, she still thinks she's the best mom ever. So I think it's a scam. Also, DH did have to sacrifice night shifts because of the inconvenient hours.
Thankfully he only needs to
Thankfully he only needs to attend one class and it's like $40.
I think they can be great IF the parents are open to the information. I think they should offer an option for alternative though such as parallel parenting which is what for the most part he has to do.
BM here is the same way. She acts like she's mother of the year and the complete victim.
She cheated on him multiple times, was abusive, and now drops the kids on her mother all the time while refusing to give him extra time. She's nice if it's convient to her and takes credit for "successful coparenting moments" which are really his time so she has to behave or else she doesn't get what she wants. She's constantly pulling crap then back peddles so fast when she's called out on it.
She has gone against medical advice to prevent him from being able to provide care for his children. Refuses to see how their divorce may be causing issues for the children and refuses to answer hard questions for the children (saw this first hand).
How frustrating this must be
How frustrating this must be for your SO. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.
That said, I like the IDEA of co-parenting and coping classes for families going through a divorce. Not everyone learns from their mistakes, after all.
Oh I could rant and rave
Oh I could rant and rave about how I just want this done with and that's exactly where I am.
I'm sick that it's a stupid parenting class that's preventing this mess from being done. I've made it clear to SO that he needs to get it done on his end yesterday and he has honestly attempted to that.
I have no idea what BM is doing though and can easily see BM dragging her feet on this because why should SHE MOTY have to take any sort of class that might tell her she's wrong. Surely her lawyer can pull strings and make it where she doesn't have to, right? I'm so tried of her BS.
I would redo every painful moment with my ex again if it meant BM could just disappear.
I don't know if a lawyer can
I don't know if a lawyer can help her get around it. I'd be interested to know if that is possible. I think it's standard for divorced couples as mentioned below. Mandatory, even. And yes, my point was, what's the point?
Narc parents never think they're the problem. DH said there was a guy in his class that had a BM who was keeping the kids from him for months and he just wanted his fair time-sharing. That he saw his kids everyday until things went sour then when he decided to move out, BM naturally kept the kids and dad was exiled (pretty much our situation). Of course there's always 2 sides, but the guy had no reason to lie.
I was joking. Honestly I
I was joking. Honestly I think she'll whine and complain, maybe go as far,as trying to say SO should pay for here's because yes she is that way but her lawyer will tell her to just do it already.
My DH went to the classes and
My DH went to the classes and completed them. They gave him a certificate. BM never bothered going. And as with everything once again rules, laws whatever don't apply to her and nothing every happened.
Was she in contempt of court
Was she in contempt of court for not bothering?
She is the one filing. It
She is the one filing. It states that she is not able to file without completing the course. It goes on to state that he "has: to also or could be found in contempt as if that would go anywhere as we all know.
No he's doing it. I joked that when he's done he needs to talk to the lawyer about HIM filing for divorce since she's dragged this out so long. Either way bite the bullet and get it done even if it means taking her to court which he has been working to avoid.
I don't know how it all works honestly since mine was done in less than two months.
Isn't it funny how these
Isn't it funny how these women claim to hate drama yet create endless drama for themselves and people involved with them?
Oh yes. I also love how she
Oh yes. I also love how she pretends to helpless.
Did he get shut out due to
Did he get shut out due to not completing his session? While some counties here allow online, it is to be completed in the one sitting. The class both in person and online is the class designated by the court. A certificate from a random, unapproved source would not be accepted.
Both parents must take the designated approved class, but not together.
Here the class is mandatory if the divorcing couple have minor children. Class is four hours. Some counties allow it online, some don't. Cost is anywhere from $40 to $80 dollars.
It's not showing up at all
It's not showing up at all anymore. He doesn't even have the option to resign up and take it. There's was nothing in the information that said he had to finish it all at once and even then the issue is that they aren't responding to his or the lawyers attempts to contact.
Here’s a different kind of
Here’s a different kind of co-parenting class bs, dh and bm were never married and quit dating when sd was 6 weeks old. When dh filed for court ordered visitation, they were both required to pay for and take a “helping children cope with divorce” class. Sd was seven when this all happened, we had already been married for 4 years. That always made me laugh.
seriously if they have child
seriously if they have child SUPPORT enforcement agencies they need to have child visitation and co parenting enforcement agencies.
CVCPE. i can see it now. handing out pamphlets about recognizing PA and GU syndromes.
DH has to take the
DH has to take the class--twice--because of BM's shenanigans. I take it with him, so that she can't claim that I'm an issue (and to cover my hiney in case my X starts to act up). Once, we showed up to the facility where we were scheduled to take the class--and BM was there! Policy is that co-parents *can't* take the class together, so we had to re-schedule.
I found the class to be basically a how-to guide for BM's BS. As someone else said, everything they said no to do was stuff she does.
Oh, and our lawyer was on the mandatory video as an expert, so that was awesome. LOL
I considered taking it with
I considered taking it with him just for the hell of it. The way people freak out on here about that kind of stuff I didn't want to ask if I should. I don't see it as interfering Or over stepping.
Yeah it hardly does any good if there's no real enforcement. Sure you can pay alot of money and go to court. Judge might tell BM to knock it off but it doesn't take back the damage that's been done.
"Judge might tell BM to knock
"Judge might tell BM to knock it off but it doesn't take back the damage that's been done."
Thank you!
Trust me we are sitting in
Trust me we are sitting in this boat. BM is doing a lot of things she shouldn't. We know SO is the better parent. The teachers say it, her own family says it, the lawyer believes it BUT proving that to a court is damn near impossible. Judges just don't want to move children unless they must.
We basically have to wait for enough damage to be done that he can prove his case and hope it's not too much. The kids already are suffering due to her poor parenting. A class isn't going to fix that because she refuses to believe she's anything but perfect.
Yes even BM's parents told
Yes even BM's parents told him that they'd rather have him as a son than her as a daughter. Not in her presence of course. And our guys made the dumb decision to leave to preserve their sanity and get screwed for it because of the stupid court system.
Oh no mine didn't even leave
Oh no mine didn't even leave because he wanted to keep the family intact. Nope he put up with everything only to wake up one day to her saying "I'm gone and if you stay here you'll never see your children again."
Yep. Talk to him now and he realizes he was in a serve depression due to her repeated abuse and cheating but didn't know what to do because of course as a society we don't support men.