In Fairyland eloping is a spur of the moment thing- ie a couple just go off and get married and then tell people when the deed has been done. It isn't something that is planned a year or so in advance- here that is a wedding to which you don't want to invite anyone. I would make up your mind which it is- if you want to run off and get married just do it- but if you want a wedding then it will be hard to either keep that a secret for such a long time or tell people you don't them to be there.

Why would you want to explain your adult decision to a child?

You simply say, oh by the way we got married when we where on holiday.. end of it

Can I ask why you do not want her there?

We didn't elope, but we had a quick turnaround wedding. We just told the boys, "hey, we're getting married at the house the next weekend you are over." They didn't seem to care that we were getting married, and within an hour of the ceremony being over, they were begging to go to their rooms and get away from guests.

I think it's a bigger deal to plan something with lots of people and not invite the kids or know they can't come versus just going and doing it. I'm with Acra - you just tell her that you did it. If you don't make it a big deal, she probably won't either.

When my Skids were about 8 and 11, we had a destination wedding in the USVI. We did not take the kids with us since it was a wedding/honeymoon. No other family or friend was invited so it was easy to say "this is just a trip for us".

Now, the kids and family knew we were engaged at that point and what the trip was for. I honestly don't remember any real hub bub about it with the kids..or even from BM. Now, we did NOT expressly tell BM any details.. when where etc.. but since the girls knew I am sure that SHE knew.

I think if a kid knows it's a "grownup" trip they can understand that part.

As far as the wedding... simply informing her that you got married because you love each other is enough. Have you been living together already? If not, I guess there is more of a transition for her (esp if you have kids too)

We were planning a bbw and then realized that it wasn't what we really wanted, so, City Hall and my uncle as witness. We all had a 'don't tell, don't ask' policy in place with the skids, and they've never asked. Not even 18 years later.

I really wanted to do that. I think it's much more complicated getting married as a SM (especially a childless SM) and I didn't really want to deal with that. We had a traditional wedding that was not a destination wedding, but was a flight away, since it happened where I'm from, not where we live. DH and I took out a wedding license in our home state and almost got married in a court house prior to our actual wedding, because we weren't sure BM would let him take the kids in time for us to get a marriage license in my home state (we needed to get it three full business days before the wedding). The days before the wedding were also filled with entertaining SSs, so I really couldn't count on DH in the lead up to the wedding. DH was almost late to the wedding rehearsal because he lost track of time with his children. Also, because it was DH's second wedding, there were only seven people there from his side, it felt like it was my wedding, not our wedding. Other than the actual dinner, where DH and I sat at our own table, DH spent most of his time sitting with his children or small group of family members, so I did feel like I wasn't totally his priority even on our wedding, but maybe that's good prep for being a stepmom...

I'm not sure what we would have told SSs. Maybe told them that we were married and showed them a picture of the ceremony.

She's 5. She won't understand, or care. You say married, she'll picture big white dress disney crap.

Don't even bother... just go about your day.

Eventually she'll overhear you guys refer to each other as husband/wife, she'll have questions... oh we've been married since you were 5, you were too young to remember.

it's none of her business anyway.

We got married on vacation. It was planned. DH's family lives in another state. I didn't want a wedding, but he did. First marriage for both of us. It was supposed to be a simple back yard wedding. It ended up being a short sweet outdoor ceremony and indoor reception at a local historical museum.

DH's mother planned and paid for everything. She never have had a girl and was ecstatic with the chance to plan a wedding. We used a Minister that was buddies with DH's dad and SM. He was a biker had a long white ponytail and beard and wore a Hawaiian shirt, shorts, and sandals to the ceremony. You should have seen MIL's face.

BM had NO idea we were going to get married. She knew we were engaged. We had a short engagement, only about 4 months. Our families knew and knew not to put anything on social media or tell anyone. We picked up the kids and headed to DH's home state. All 3 of our kids sat up front beside the minister.

When we returned home from vacation we stopped to drop skids off. BM and GBM were outside waiting for us. Both skids just out of the car shouting that Justkeep and dad got married! I will never forget the series of expressions that came across their faces.

ETA: DS was the only member of my family there.

I doubt the kiddo notices a thing. You've been living together for about a year and a half. That one was the big adjustment for her...the having you completely being in her father's world and her life when she's with father.

From then until now, you simply are. 'Are', being part of her little world. All the engaged recently and someday to marry is *yawn*, you already are in her head.

If you were having a wedding with family and friends at home in your locale , sure. She could build some excitement with all the wedding plans. But that's not happening. Daddy and Hogwart are going off on holiday which is an usual event (sometimes with her, sometimes not) and then Daddy and Hogwart are coming home and life goes on.

Sure, when you get back Dad and you can sit her down and say 'Sweetie, we got married'. But you are perhaps going to hear 'oh, I thought you already were' or something similar from out of the mouth of babes.

Congrats on your engagement. Enjoy it right up until you do get married and BM finds out, Lol. SD isn't nor will she be the issue, the problem will be when BM realizes you are married and not going away.

I think every couple should have the wedding that they want. So if eloping or planning a destination wedding for 2 is what you want go for it. Have a happy engagement till you decide when you want to plan that date.

The kid is 5. I'm assuming you are already living together? There is nothing to tell her, you don't need her approval and to be honest, I can't imagine a 5 year old would care about the specifics of having a marriage license.

You just simply tell her when you guys get back that you got married. She may have a couple questions and you answer and everybody moves on.

Most likely the BM is the only one who’s gonna cause problems.

The BM in my life invited her self her boyfriend her mother and the mother‘s boyfriend to my work and my current husband. And she is crazy. But at that time, years ago, my husband still intimidated by her and didn’t know how to tell her no and it was a destination wedding as well. So no freaking way she coming. I had to uninvite her. Talk about awkward. Her mother still brings it up but I uninvited them.