SS20 announced last night that his adviser told him he should quit his part-time job and focus on school full-time. SS20 feels like he needs to do this to get above a 3.0 GPA; right now he's got a 2.5 GPA.

SS20 is a junior at uber expensive university majoring in engineering. He works 16 hours a week, welding, which provides him with tuition and spending money. SS20 lives with us (DH and I) rent free, we also provide health and dental insurance, BM pays for his cellphone and car insurance. SS20 is responsible for gas, car repairs, ancillaries. Both DH (and I) and BM (and SF) contribute money for books and clothes. SS20 also has a small college fund provided by DH and I.

SS20 is involved in the SAE car club, there is no credit for participation. He spends most of his free time (2-3 weekday evenings) on this club. In addition, Friday, Saturday and Sunday, nights are spent with his girlfriend.

DH and I both suggested that before he quits his job he evaluate how he spends his time. DH suggested cutting back on car club and nights out with his girlfriend. I told him that he should evaluate how he currently spends his time during the day and see where changes can be made to incorporate more studying. Consider cutting back on work hours, from 16 to 8 hours a week. I also suggested scheduling study time for the entire trimester, looking at his class schedule and make study appointments for himself. I also suggested joining a study group for difficult classes as working with a group can be helpful when learning difficult concepts.

DH ended the conversation by asking SS20 to discuss this with his BM, SF, and girlfriend, all the people that support him - all the people that are directly affected by this decision.

Honestly, SS20 was very defensive when we were having this discussion. SS20 feels he is managing his time well. DH suggested he could sell his car and take the bus to and from school to save money. As well as having 8 extra hours to study a week if he dropped one night of car club and one weekend night at home studying instead of going out with the girlfriend. We got the stink eye. :O

SS20 is struggling; but a lot of it is his own doing. Last semester he got a D in a core engineering course because he was preoccupied with the SAE car competition. The car took up all his free time and he admitted to me that he let the class go because he was focused on the car and thought the class would be easy.

SS20 is smart and growing up never really had to study - he never learned good study habits. He also grew up being over scheduled, BM had him in a lot of clubs and sports. SS20 also never learned good time management skills because BM and DH (and I and SF) always told him where to be and when.

I feel for him and am mad at him all at the same time. I resent his resistance to commit to his education and grow up. I resent him living with us and rarely helping out. SS20 uses our home as a stop and flop and free buffet.

As I've said in previous posts I lived at home and went to college. During that time I worked 3 jobs and also helped around the house, whatever my parents needed done I did. My life was school and work and chores and a little bit of sleep. SS20 doesn't have that drive, he wants everything handed to him, it's frustrating to witness.

I'm trying to stay disengaged - I realize I didn't last night though. My fear is that SS20 quits his job, takes out more loans to cover tuition, and doesn't bring his GPA up at all because he's screwing around with the SAE car and his girlfriend. DH has made it clear to SS20 that we are not providing him anymore financial support than what he's getting now but it still bothers me.

~BettyRay