It's not about smarts or education, it's about integrity. We pay because we have integrity. They milk the system because they don't have integrity. So I guess when it comes down to it, I'd rather be broke with my principles intact than rich on someone else's money. But yes, it does suck and it's not just California. I think the whole system needs to be overhauled, because if the states can foot the bill to collect child support, then they can sure as hell foot the bill for dad to fight for his visitation rights. It's a crying shame.

~ Anne ~

Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice: Pull down your pants and slide on the ice! -M*A*S*H (Sidney Freedman to the OR staff on dealing with stress)

BM had son from prior relationship (whom she receives $1750 in c/s for). DH and BM split and DH's order is for support of $800 and 1/2 of work related childcare--alleged by mother to be a total of $433 per month (SD is 11 and in school). We had a hearing to determine our overpayment(s) as we were never given proof of the expenses and BM was to reimburse for any over/underpayment within 10 days. At the hearing, she provided copies of cancelled checks to three of her friends with a notation "SD's daycare". Not one word was uttered about BM son from other relationship and how she paid for his childcare. I believe her friends cashed the checks she gave them and gave her a refund to make it look good for BM. Or, the amount she was paying was actually for both kids. So, in essence, we were paying BM's son's daycare too! Now, SD is in structured program that bills by the hour. Amazingly, her daycare averages a total of $60.00 per month. We have a hearing on Thursday to, once again, determine the refund she owes us because we've paid her $216.50 for nearly two years and she's only been paying a total of $60 (our half is $30). Oh, and when BM got engaged to the ex-con (or is that PRESENT con since he's conveniently back at the crossbar hotel due to a parol violation ;-O?) she quit her admin assistant job that paid more than $3200 per month so she can sit on her fat ass and eat bon bons all day! She's got another sucker to support her while she collects $1216.50 from us and $1750 from her son's BF. Talk about integrity, she absolutely has none! Now, she's also asking the court to order us to pay for SD's medical insurance. We've always had SD on our policy, but years ago BM wanted to do the health insurance because she didn't feel DH was "responsible" enough to maintain the insurance. Whatever. When, I wonder, will the court see through her antics and order her EQUALLY support her daughter?

Seriously last week- BM got some sort of assistance that pays 100% of Daycare, which was formerly split 50/50 and we pay CS on top of that. BM sent me an email asking that since SHE completed all of the paperwork could we give her more money a month since we are no longer paying Daycare. My response to her was this "LOL! NO, so please don't ask again." She dropped it after that.
We can afford to pay the Daycare... it is nice to not HAVE to pay it, but it does not entitle her to more monthly. So as far as I am concerned I would rather pay Daycare monthly than give her even ONE MORE DOLLAR of our HARD earned money. Luckily she is too lazy to go back to court, so we won't have to worry about it any further than this. Good luck to you! And be proud of yourselves, for you do what is right by the kids and not what benifits YOU. That is what matters in the end.

I hear you and I sympathize. I have the days counted to when CS will be over. lol. The best one for us was when my husband was laid off from his job. She called the same day to find out about whether or not she's still going receive her payments. (oh, don't worry) THEN we get hit with a cost of living raise!!!! Uh, don't have a job anymore. Hold on, let me check the money tree in the back of the house.

We don't have a problem paying CS, never have. But it's all the stuff on top of what she receives that she asks for that bothers us. Then heaven help us if we say no, we don't have them money. It frustrates me to no end.

If I am lying GOD take me now!!! Last week on the day MONEY from State Attorney General's office is deposited into BM checking account, hubby calls to talk to his kids who are out with mom for dinner, ok no biggie right???? Hell NO!!!! In the course of him talking to his kids ages 12 and 11 boy and girl, the bill comes and the hubby can hear BM talking to her friend that her bill was a whopping 147.00 FOR 3 F..KING PEOPLE WHO 2 ARE KIDS....ARE YOU STUPID LADY???? Ladies and Men out there, I think we all work hard for our money, how many of you have treated yourself to a 147.00 meal???? Exactly, CHILD SUPPORT TO STUPID PEOPLE DOES NOT EVER GO TO THE CHILD FOR IMPORTANT THINGS....when we got our kids that weekend they still needed hair cuts, shoes were too small, and their jackets had holes in them, BIG enough that oldest kept putting her ARM in the hole instead of the slot for her ARM, BUT BECAUSE BM IS SO GREAT THEY HAD AT LEAST HAD A 147.00 MEAL!!!! (GOOD GOING CHILD SUPPORT)

"Be there for the joy. Be there for the tears. Be there for each other."
(Step-Mom the Movie 1998)

Seriously- The1! I could handle her asking for help if she TRULY TRULY needed it... but did she NEED the pedicure? Did she NEED to attend the concert she went to last weekend?? Oh, and SS informed DH that he gets a NEW TOY everytime he goes to mommy's house. Um, maybe this is the reason for the unhealthy attachment... buying ones love?!?!?! While we are diligently paying Child Support, our half (until she recently got it paid for by the state, how do these people find this stuff???) of daycare plus a portion of her half of daycare (because she "fell behind") buying EVERY pair of shoes for him over the past 2 years, every haircut (which she had the nerve to bitch that we cut his hair last weekend- um , hello stupid... the day you take the initiative to take him for a hair cut is the day you can bitch about HOW it is cut), every jacket.. Dr's appointment, perscriptiion.... while SHE eats fast food everyday. She should be treating herself to some Top Ramen and a set of HOME PAINTED NAILS... so she can afford her son.

See there, and I thought I was done venting... NEVER DONE! }:)

My hubbys ex has three kids from three different fathers. She doesn't have to work. She gets enough in child support to live with out additional income. The whole thing gets me so angry that I am just percolating.

A while back, she actually called and thanked us... rather in a round-about way. She went on and on about how grateful she was for child support so she can stay home with the kids and not have to work. The kids are 10, 15, and 17. They are not home during the day. I didn't hang up on her, but I listened in stony silence. I think I deserve an award for that.

And why the court thinks the mother is always right?? It says right in my hubbys CS paperwork... "The mother really doesn't want him to know or spend time with his daughter..." Funny, she never turns a cs check down though.