2nd wife = 2nd place?
I met my now husband when he was married. We didn't date until he started his divorce. That was 3 1/2 years ago. He started out making the mistake of sharing OUR relationship with his ex. It would always bite him in the butt because I would find out, so I demanded he stop or I would leave. He stopped, that I know of. This would create drama between her and I and we would argue. I feel like he feels some loyalty to her. Well the situation now is we moved about 18 hours away from her and the son they have, so we only see him once or twice a year. He is 6 and troubled. He acts out only with his mom. (slapping, biting) When he is with us, he is fine. He will abuse his mother when my husband simply calls her to see how he is. He will not talk on the phone to his father when he is with her. I think that maybe he overhears the mother talking down about us, but what do i know. She has made it clear to me that she will always be a part of the family and isn 't going anywhere. She will talk to his family negatively about him, saying he needs to acknowledge her. Now we are expecting a child and she will not return any of my husbands calls when he inquires about his son. She calls to get our new address saying that their son has a father's day card for him, but we don't get anything. She just wants to know everything. I am at the point where I want to email or call her and ask her why she is doing this.....what do I do?? If i tell my husband that I have had enough and want to clear the air with her, he will get all nervous. Any advice. Thanks!
crazy...
I can't believe that she would call your DH's family and talk bad about him to them, AND, I can't believe that they would listen to her. Sounds like she is bitter.
I don't have any advice since I have no experience in things like this but I'm sure of the ladies here will have some for you.
Thanks. My husband and I
Thanks. My husband and I both said that exact same thing... BITTER! Blah what a headache she can be. It disrupts our lives even though we try no to let it. She starts saying negative stuff and then the grapevine funnels it to us. She needs some help....just haven't put my finger on what kind!!
I worked for in the legal
I worked in the legal system for years, so my suggestion to you is to write her a letter, but be the bigger person expressing your concerns. Make sure you document any and all times when your husband is not aloud to talk to the child and any comments or things that come from BM. If the child is in an unstable environment, you can request thru the courts that the BM go to parenting classes.
Where are the boundries?
If I have learned anything from being a stepmom and dealing with the BM is that there has to be boundries. Calling DH's family is crossing those lines, for one. Secondly, is there a court order stipulating how often and when DH can call? Visit? If so, then I would inform her that you expect (and it would be better if DH said it) her to hold to her end of the COURT ORDER and answer DH's questions about SS.
~THE EXERCISE THAT REALLY CHANGES YOUR LIFE IS WALKING DOWN THE AISLE~
My partner's EW call his family and bitches all the time........
You are not alone. My partner's EW calls his family all the time and bitches about everything from he and I getting married very soon, how she should not have left him six years ago (boo hoo), to trying to talk her ex inlaws into letting her come to our wedding (without our conscent)WTF!!!, to having no money for this and that when my partner pays her a massive amount of child support ($20K Australian pa.).
She is pathetic and won't let go and get on with her own life emotionally, mentally or financially.
It is very tiring to put up with and we always hear about what she is saying from the in laws.
Is she just stupid and thinks that they will back her up? (which they don't). Or does she want us to know that she is pissed off and bitter?
Second wife is (hopefully) for life.............
I agree with Biomom, being a second wife means being the best wife.
I'd say there are some
I'd say there are some serious boundary issues between DHs parents and this woman. Their conversations should be limited to Hows the kid and how's the weather...that's it. I have a similar problem with DHs parents and his ex....however it THEY who initiate the inappropriate contact. I've since written them off, as has DH. Why allow that conflict and turmoil into your lives. I also agree about documenting. That child misses his father....and he's acting out. In the end, the child is losing out by the BMs bitterness. Sad for the child, but you can't control her. Only what you allow in your home. DH should have a serious talk with his parents. Set the "rules of engagement" so-to-speak, and stand by you on this issue. Then, my suggestion....get a lawyer involved after a month or so of consistent documentation. If there's shared parental responsibility involved, she could be held in contempt. Children are to be made available by phone contact and physcial contact where applicable. This sounds like she'll be facing co-parenting classes, and legal fees reimbursements. Good luck!
AWESOME
I can't say enough how glad I am that I found this site and all of your wonderful people! I will start documenting. I am just glad that the way I have been feekling about all of this is NORMAL!! The terms of custody are that the mother has physical custody but that the son can visit as both parents see fit. My husband pays 1000 a month in support and she kind of laughs at it as if it isn't enough. I have friends whose exes pay 75 bux a week and it makes me so angry. She is very bitter and I only hope she accepts things for what they are sometime soon. I mean, at least he didn't cheat on her and pretend he was happy. He told her he was unhappy before we got involved. I don't get it. It's like her purpose is to punish him now. I will keep you updated.
jo