How do I get the steps to stop acting as if they are on vacation every weekend when they overtake my home each weekend???(supposed to be only every other)They show me or my home no respect.
When I first moved in with my fiance, we lived in the house he lived in with his wife just before the divorce. It was VERY difficult to move in to "their" house. We knew we weren't going to be able to stay in that house for financial reasons, so I decided to bide my time. Granted, fiance was VERY up front with his kids that I was a grown up and that they had to do what I asked them to do as though it were him asking. At first I limited the times I would ask them anything. After a few months I gradually worked up from more of a babysitter role to more of a loving /parent-type role.
the best thing for us was to move into our own place. The kids were more comfortable with me because they weren't seeing me in "her" kitchen" using "her dishes" etc. After we moved, I felt that the new place was MY home too, and so we made some new rules at the new house.
Now when the kids are here they recognize that I am just as much a rule maker/enforcer as their dad.
It helped that I stayed home with them this summer on his custody days and they became accustomed to having me ask for their help, enforce our house rules. I guess what I am saying is that you don't have to allow poor behavior in your house. If your DH won't respect you, respect yoruself and make a list of "house rules" not your rules, or his rules, rules for everyone in the house to follow, just like at school. You can't control his behavior, so control your reaction. take charge. I have let my fiance know many times which things are unacceptable to me for MY life and what things are non-negotiable for me to stay in the situation.
When we were dating he told me every other but after we married almost one year now , it has been every weekend,holiday,when they are sick ,the wind blows north etc, you get the pic!
Our first anniversary is in 2 wks.The same 22 yr old asked for him to go to her house that weekend to do some work on her house and he agreed fully forgetting about the anniversary.He hasn't said anything to her yet that I know of but if he cancells esp because of the anniversary she will throw a tantrum!
Its my home they come to.He moved in with me.They live in a rusty old trailer in the middle of a hayfield in the middle of no where so I assumed they would appreciate a nice clean home.The 22 yr old,married w/ 2 kids of her own spay painted graffiti on my basement wall the first time she visited and on the second visit sucker punched me because I wouldnot allow her and her mother (the ex) and my new husband to go out together.What a Jerry Springer life I got into LOL!I am a nite shift nurse on the weekends so I feel I have no control.
go get a protective order/restraining order. it is your house and your safety you need to be concerned with. if they can't act appropriately they need to leave, especially if they are adults. end of story.
Just kidding all you law abiders..let me ask a question Kim's post ahs brought up for me,mother's out drinking with your daughter which is what Kim's SD wanted to do with her mother, well my Fiance's ex called drunk more then once after 11pm from being out drinking with her daughter(his exSD), does anyone else find this a little trashy to do on regualr basis?
Kim, you need to lay the law down honey, I am sorry but if this is your home, he needs to lay down the law or you can lay out his luggage! LOL You deserve better , everyone deserves better then that and if he does not cancel for anniversary , well that hurts my heart for you, you should be his priority on that day particularly, how would sd like it if you messed with her marriage?
I so needed the humor this morning.It feels so good to know I am not mean,bitchy etc.My husband says I am crazy.My self esteem was draggin.You hear it enough and start to believe it LOL! I need to grow some balls.It is my house,5 year old house built by a single mom and her daughter,a big accomplishment for a single mom and I take pride in my home!
This has been a tough week for me too. This forum has saved me from the brink of insanity and it's not even that bad. I think I'm just tired of always waiting for the next problem/issue/fight. It seems it is never about us, only about his kids.
Stick around here, at least we can all comfort each other.
I would be sending his but back to the trailer in the hayfield and he would be told to take all of his hooligans with him. If I were assaulted I would file charges. FYI=crazy people always tell other people they are crazy until they believe it. Its the oldest trick in the book.
Do you treat them as if they
Do you treat them as if they are on vacation?
When I first moved in with my fiance, we lived in the house he lived in with his wife just before the divorce. It was VERY difficult to move in to "their" house. We knew we weren't going to be able to stay in that house for financial reasons, so I decided to bide my time. Granted, fiance was VERY up front with his kids that I was a grown up and that they had to do what I asked them to do as though it were him asking. At first I limited the times I would ask them anything. After a few months I gradually worked up from more of a babysitter role to more of a loving /parent-type role.
the best thing for us was to move into our own place. The kids were more comfortable with me because they weren't seeing me in "her" kitchen" using "her dishes" etc. After we moved, I felt that the new place was MY home too, and so we made some new rules at the new house.
Now when the kids are here they recognize that I am just as much a rule maker/enforcer as their dad.
It helped that I stayed home with them this summer on his custody days and they became accustomed to having me ask for their help, enforce our house rules. I guess what I am saying is that you don't have to allow poor behavior in your house. If your DH won't respect you, respect yoruself and make a list of "house rules" not your rules, or his rules, rules for everyone in the house to follow, just like at school. You can't control his behavior, so control your reaction. take charge. I have let my fiance know many times which things are unacceptable to me for MY life and what things are non-negotiable for me to stay in the situation.
eow or ew
Why did the switch to every weekend occur? Is it your house or his house? How long have you been together?
Since I don't know all the particulars it is hard to comment. Could you give more info so that all can try to help you out with some opinions.
Reply to your question,thanks I need help
When we were dating he told me every other but after we married almost one year now , it has been every weekend,holiday,when they are sick ,the wind blows north etc, you get the pic!
Our first anniversary is in 2 wks.The same 22 yr old asked for him to go to her house that weekend to do some work on her house and he agreed fully forgetting about the anniversary.He hasn't said anything to her yet that I know of but if he cancells esp because of the anniversary she will throw a tantrum!
eow or ew
Deleted double post.
Thanks silversomething.
Its my home they come to.He moved in with me.They live in a rusty old trailer in the middle of a hayfield in the middle of no where so I assumed they would appreciate a nice clean home.The 22 yr old,married w/ 2 kids of her own spay painted graffiti on my basement wall the first time she visited and on the second visit sucker punched me because I wouldnot allow her and her mother (the ex) and my new husband to go out together.What a Jerry Springer life I got into LOL!I am a nite shift nurse on the weekends so I feel I have no control.
if you have been assaulted
go get a protective order/restraining order. it is your house and your safety you need to be concerned with. if they can't act appropriately they need to leave, especially if they are adults. end of story.
where does sd live, i have spray paint
Just kidding all you law abiders..let me ask a question Kim's post ahs brought up for me,mother's out drinking with your daughter which is what Kim's SD wanted to do with her mother, well my Fiance's ex called drunk more then once after 11pm from being out drinking with her daughter(his exSD), does anyone else find this a little trashy to do on regualr basis?
Kim, you need to lay the law down honey, I am sorry but if this is your home, he needs to lay down the law or you can lay out his luggage! LOL You deserve better , everyone deserves better then that and if he does not cancel for anniversary , well that hurts my heart for you, you should be his priority on that day particularly, how would sd like it if you messed with her marriage?
You guys are great...
I so needed the humor this morning.It feels so good to know I am not mean,bitchy etc.My husband says I am crazy.My self esteem was draggin.You hear it enough and start to believe it LOL! I need to grow some balls.It is my house,5 year old house built by a single mom and her daughter,a big accomplishment for a single mom and I take pride in my home!
You're right Kim
This has been a tough week for me too. This forum has saved me from the brink of insanity and it's not even that bad. I think I'm just tired of always waiting for the next problem/issue/fight. It seems it is never about us, only about his kids.
Stick around here, at least we can all comfort each other.
hayfield
I would be sending his but back to the trailer in the hayfield and he would be told to take all of his hooligans with him. If I were assaulted I would file charges. FYI=crazy people always tell other people they are crazy until they believe it. Its the oldest trick in the book.