Contemplating suicide.I am tired gave it my all
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Just got my home out of forclosure,paid my taxes late but four days before the auction.DH had a meltdown last night because he ate my sons doughnut and my son got angry.He felt treated w/ disrespect.I have paid all the bills since marrying 16 mos ago.Ditched school for my last 2 semesters to work xtra and this is what I am left with. When he threatened my so over a doughnut I told him to pack his shit and get out.Within minutes he had people at my house moving stuff.If this is what I needed to do then why do I want to slit my wrists????
Failed another marriage
What more could I have done.Iwork all the ot I can get.Allowed my home to be destroyed.My self esteem,bank account,and It wasn't enough.Almost lost my home,while he worked a day or two a month and smoked his little baggie.Why was I not enough???
you did not fail
he failed you
PLEASE he is not worth wanting to kill yourself for, believe me I have been there!!
you have a son who loves you and needs you.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!
“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”
You made the first step!
Don't give up now! The hardest part is over! Be glad that he's gone if he threatens someone over a stupid doughnut, God knows what he would have done in a real problem.
As for killing yourself, just admitting you want to shows you don't really want to. Your feel like your at your wits end right? I've been there and I understand. I'm sure a few of us here on this website have. But take it from me it doesn't answer any of your problems. "It's a permenant solution to a temporary problem" That's what they told me in rehab after cutting my wrists open and taking a bottle of sleeping pills.
I was 17 and had been molested by my brother-in-law for years (my sister is alot older and married young). The problem was different but the feeling are the same.
Plus think about your son and your family and how they will feel if you did it. Don't let one azzhole have this much control over you. You are letting him deside how you feel. I know you love him but like I always say "This to shall pass"
If you need to talk I'm always here for you and will give you my phone number if you want. Just know you are not alone! We are all here for you.
Don't fear the thorns among the Roses, but be greatful for the Roses among the thorns
Why was that such a bad deal
I am almost 45 I wanted someone to grow old with,enjoy my home with and wake up next to and willingly was willing to pay for that.Not enough.I have nothing else to give now.My son is going to be with his bio grand father this week for spring break.He is adopted.He feels like its all his fault b/c of the doughnut.I failed him too.I wanted him to have a father.He worshipped that man!
Kim....
You have someone to grow old with...YOU. You have so much left to do that you don't even know about yet. All you have to do is embrace this difficult time as the bottom...and seek the path that leads back up. Your son needs you. He loves you. If you left now what would become of him?
It sounds corny...but think about It's a Wonderful Life. If you have managed to get through 45 years of holidays and have never seen it, then rent it today. Then sit down and make a list of your "George Bailey" moments. Times when you said or did one little thing that pleased someone, made them feel better, made you feel good about life. You not being here will cause someone else to suffer without you some day.
I promise you, if you let go of this man and embrace your life good things will follow. No man is worth the loss of your gift of life.
I remember when I had to let go of a man I loved more than my life...it was so unbelievably painful. I could barely get out of bed in the morning. Then... I lost a friend to cancer who was only 26. No kids, only engaged never married. And I thought about how if a Dr told me I had to fight cancer for my life, I would not have had the fight in me.
Then I met with this young friend a few times, talked to her about her short life and how much more she felt she had left to do. I thought - How dare I throw away such a gift that this young friend would give anything to have in front of her right now. I am ALIVE. And as long as I am alive I have work to do.
You too Kim have work to do.
I would find anything and everything you can do for free- volunteer for the homeless, usher or work backstage for a community theatre. Get active in a cause. Put your energy into serving others somehow, and take your son with you for the ride.
You can do this! Give me just six months of trying this and I assure you everything will look different.
HUGS to you...
Zen
Peace, love, and red wine
your son
needs to be assured that it was not his fault that adults have problems too..
again you only fail if you give up!>
“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”
This is not the end.
This is just another new beginning for you. We all get many chances in life. Whether we see those opportunities as positive or negative is up to us. Is it really a bad thing if the end result is your future happiness? You feel like crap now. That's fine... you're supposed to feel like crap now. But tomorrow you'll feel less like crap than you do today, and the next day after that you'll feel better still. Take it one breath at a time and try really hard to remind yourself that this is not an ending. It's a beginning.
♥ Georgia ♥
"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)
You didn't fail
He did. I don't hang out with people who do drugs (anymore) because this is exactly what you get. It doesn't matter how wonderful a person is, when they are involved with drugs it messes them up. I tried them & I was messed up during that time, but I quit & got my crap together. But I know so many people who had so much going for them, then they started doing drugs & they flushed their lives down the toilet. They also hurt everyone who loved them. There was just too much destruction.
Don't take your life. I know the pain is hard. If you think you need to feel physical pain, then go exercise & make your body ache in a good way (but don't hurt yourself - be constructive). This will create hormones also that will help you feel better. Also, get into Alocholics Anon or Narcotics Anon. They help addicts AND people involved with addicts. I think right now you need all the help you can get.
Good luck!
Cajun Lady
i felt that way too, but we have to stay alive for our kids
exactly- tell your son that anyone who would get so upset over a donut is not worth your time. he is a kid- the man is an adult and he is the one responsible.
i know how it feels because i'm losing what i thought i wanted and needed right now also, and i'm feeling a lot of despair and also have a little boy
every time you think about suicide, just imagine your son being told his mommy is dead. it's a horrible thing to think of, but it will keep you from doing it. no matter how you feel, you can't do that to him. he depends on you and no one else can take care of him like you can, and no one else can protect him like you can.
it's obvious that a man who hardly works and does drugs in your house is not what you want, but i know how it feels when it being obvious is not enough to make you stop wanted to be loved by him.
but you just have to stay alive, and things will get better every day.
when your son is away on a trip, it's good for him that you have time to grieve, and he won't see you- but stay around people, and when you are alone, keep his picture right by your side and rememeber that he needs you.
call your relatives, or whatever, you don't have to tell them what happened if you don't want. you just need to keep yourself around people to stay safe right now. because you have a little boy who is going to be waiting to come home to his mother at the end of this vacation. so do i.
Why do you even want to be with a pot head?
People who do drugs just take, take, take. All they want is the pleasure of their high, and expect everyone else to provide for them, give, give, and take up their slack.
Be happy you are rid of him, he's just useless junkie baggage.
My son saves my life again.
I was writing a note for him and realized I can't go thru with this.I am a nurse and I wouldn't fail at suicide if I acted on it.I need him as much as he needs me and he is already adopted so it would ruin his life.When my dh went so crazy I went into protective mom mode and told him to pack his shit and get out.If this is what I wanted I don't see why I am so surprised he did and so sad.
kim
I am so glad that you decided against ending it all...I tried when I was 16 thank god I failed cuz I have they most wonderful sons a mom could ask for. and to this day I still feel low at times but I ALWAYS put them in my mind and it pushes those bad thoughts away.
welcome back we are here for you.
“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”
Another angle
Once I thought of suicide and even thought of how, briefly - but then I realized I didn't want to give my ex and his new woman the satisfaction of beating me down. That would have proven all the crap they talked about me as true, but I lived to see them go down in flames of their own making.
I did not really enjoy seeing that, but better them than me, Ya know? Life is hard but you can do it honey.
"In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer." -Albert Camus
You need to celebrate
Suicide is not what you should be doing, you should be happy, what it took him how long to get people together to move him??? GOODBYE...You should be proud that you did it, that you saved your house and dance your happy dance....if he was not helping then he was hurting, think of all the money you are going to save not having to feed him, extra utilities he uses while you are working and he is at home being lazy...Just think of it as a new start...GO BACK TO SCHOOL... you can probably do this by August, I AM HAPPY FOR YOU........And to fight with a child over food....good grief you can do better...
Yell real loud "I am Free" and smile, take a hot bubble bath and cook a great dinner for you and your son!
Ditto
Strong Girl!! That was so good I wanted to wake up my sleeping DH and kick him out...and he doesn't even do that much wrong!! LOL.
Gee Kym, what she said!! But hey whoever said my famous quote "This Too Shall Pass" is so right. Think back to that time your heart got completely busted up and you couldn't eat, sleep or stop crying for a week or a month even..remember?? The pain does fade and usually the thought of kissing them in a years time makes you wanna puke..LOL. Show him and the world how strong you, you can do this!!
I'll be cheering you at the finish line, your prize, the life you deserve.
Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*
Celebrate don't feel sad.
Celebrate don't feel sad. What a jerk you are free of!! You will be so much better off...and your son even more so. My BD (21 & so pretty) is ridding herself of a loser & I just got stuck w/another pkg. ticket from when her b.f. borrowed (my) her car while she worked. He had anger mgmt issues too --caused her head a head truama. I know he will eventually kill her & I am doing EVERYTYHING to get her straight. Pisses me off since I never laid a hand on her & she's my only... LOSER!! Never will amount to squat & pissed off at the world but she (& you) will be on top w/a nice guy to marry and the payoff will be doubly appreciated after loser experience. You are free to be healthy & happy! Freedom rocks!! Go back to school, that's what I tell my BD, graduate. You will never regret graduating.
Life can change when you least expect it...
Congratulations on getting rid of that deadbeat. So many women stay with men who treat them badly for whole lifetimes because it is easier than dealing with a break up. Your son has everything he needs - you. Take care of yourself. Put a budget in place and work towards getting back on your feet. Go back to school. Exercise your mind and body. One day, when you are busy being a smart, sexy woman, a new man will come into your life. Make him prove himself before you open your life and you heart to him. And when you grow old together, you can look at your son and think back on your happy life and be proud that you stood strong and kicked that deadbeat to touch so long ago.
Buck Up!!
I know that sounds harsh but here is the harsh reality: You have a child. You are educated and have a great career. You have had to fight and win before. You will do it again.
Sometimes we need someone to be harsh to us and say: SNAP OUT OF IT!! You are one of the brave and brilliant: A mom!
We don't get to lay down our heads and cry but for a brief moment until we are again forced to wipe away the tears because a child has walked into the room.
He sounds like a loser that is better to be booted now then when he really DOES force you to loose your house. Be grateful that you were jolted into action now before it really is too late.
My ex was one of those little "baggie" men too. He to this day still will not get his life together and I gave him more chances than ever. Its not what you can do for him but what you have to do for you.
Lets face it. Heck, 50 is so young still these days. You'll find someone better some day but for right now Zenmom is right...you have you!! You are so lucky! I used to think...oh, my gosh...what if his pot smoking causes SRS to come in and I get my kids taken away. That was when I decided enough was enough. Do you get to lay around and smoke illegal stuff all day? No!! So you shoud be angry not sad. Get mad and get him the heck out of your life and be happy with you and your son!!
(i really am not trying to be mean but firm...one of my best friends does that for me and it's hard to hear but always helps me)