SD does not want to come over! UPDATE!!
after we made the police report because BM denied visitation we made several phone calls and went to the court. we were told that we needed an attorney to make the contempt report so we have to just leave it alone cause we are not going to spend money on that. besides SD doesnt even want to come over to see her dad and sister because we got after her for watching porn. my H has been calling them to talk to SD but there is no answer and they dont return the calls. im pissed cause SD is trying to manipulate us at the age of 8. i was expecting that on her teen years but not now. her desire is to do what she wants when she wants and to get what she wants and if that doenst happen or if we get after her then she wont come over and make a big scene like she did last week. the way we got after her was by simply talking to her in a very calm way but she did not like it. i believe SD has no feelings towards her dad or sister and me well she doesnt love her own blood why would she even like me. this past weekend i realized that SD is just like her mom and that is sad for my H not me. im about to disengage from the situation and just care about my baby.
comments and advice please...........
Let her go for now
She needs to learn she will be called down by you guys because you care about her. Watching porn is completely inappropriate for her age and probably planted in her mind by some potential child molester! Just leave her alone for a while and when she sees you will not be manipulated she will most likely want to come over.
By the way, do you know where this porn thing came from? I can't recall if you have said. But yes, focus on your baby and DH for a while, is my thought
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
we tried getting that
we tried getting that information from her but she said nothing so thats why we wanted therapy. we told BM to call a clinic in our town that was approved by our insurance but she never did. she lied about it she said she had made an appointment in 2 weeks. 2 weeks passed and she never called us to let us know the time so my DH called the clinic and they said they had no one by that name make an appointment.
i have no problem not having SD in my house and after what she did well i dont trust her anymore but my DH i know misses her. before SD told BM that we had punished her and gotten after her i told my DH that SD needed some spanking but after this i dont think its a good idea cause i believe he might get in trouble. that child is so used to getting her way every where she goes and has never been corrected either vervbaly or physically.
Be very careful...
I did spank my ss(7), who very much does not want to be in our home, and his bm reported me for child abuse. I would never do anything to hurt any of my bc or skids. In my situation, bm is bipolar and does not take her meds, she is always causing me and my dh problems, wanting to change the schedule and has many issues where she is not properly taking care of my skids. My dh is very passive and seems to be afraid of dealing with my ss and the bm and it is causing us a nightmare!!! Good luck and keep us informed.
I want to live, laugh and love again.
i would never spank her(not
i would never spank her(not i didnt want to)cause i know she would tell in a heartbeat and make it a big deal. she does need the spanking and when i say spanking i dont mean medieval times kind of torture. since the porn incident happened DH has been wanting to spank her but now he cant because she told on us just for talking to her about what she did and for giving her chores around the house. so i can imagine if my DH spanks her he would get in trouble.
SD and BM have you right
SD and BM have you right where they want you. We have chores for all of the kids at our house. Everyone has the same chores just different days. How are children going to learn how to do things as they grow up if they are given no responsibility or no discipline. And it seems like now days if you try to do either one you are considered abusive. I would never do anything to hurt either my own children or my skids. I just want them to grow up and become a profitable member of society.
I want to live, laugh and love again.
I think the BM needs a good spanking...
Your 8 sd didn't just wake up one morning and stop caring about her dad and sister. I'm sure that something has been planted in her head. Ya-- I can just imagine...
BM: your SM wants you to see a shrink...She is so dumb. It really is ok to watch porn, that is a normal thing for an 8 year old.
SD: Mom thanks for not making me see a shrink, your the best. When I turn 16, then I will pretend to love them, so they can buy me a car.
BM: I am, aren't I.. And really, can you believe that you dad is married to BM when he had me? He owes you !!!
SD: Ya mom, your right - dad is stupid....and don't worry about anything mom - I will always love you !!
Can't ya just hear it? Barfing-----
Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!
Well said stepwitch...
I totally believe that most of the time the problem between a skid and the step parent leads back to the bp. It is like they don't want there ex to be happy and they will do anything at any cost to make sure that happens.
I want to live, laugh and love again.
i know for sure that BM
i know for sure that BM talks crap to SD about us but i also believe that its already in SD. u can teach someone manners but if they just dont have it in them they wont want to learn and feelings well that is something that cant be taught. STEPWITCH ur right about BM needing the spanking but she does deserve a medieval type of spanking.
SD has seen both my DH and baby sister cry and she feels nothing for them she continues on what shes doing. she even laughs when baby is crying and mimics her. i just think that child has no feelings at all and only cares about material things cause those are the times when she cries when toys or personal stuff are taken away from her.
let me give u an example of a person who has feelings and was not taught how to have them. my 3 year old niece was in my old room at my moms house with me while i was on the phone with my DH. we were discussing this whole problem and then i began crying. she began looking for stuff like a pair of earings and a toy cube and gave them to me thinking that was going to make me happy and stop crying. then my 7 year old niece walked in and called on the little one not knowing that i was crying. the 3 year old said "no becasue dragonfly is crying" and she stayed with me until i was ready to come out of the room.
sometimes i think...
that my ss would be much more happy not coming to our house at all. And in many ways that would not give the bm as much fuel to the fire as she has now. believe me I know she would have something else to throw a fit over. but i truely think it would make our homelife better. and my dh could just have short visitations like 3-4 hours instead of 48 hours. my ss has made it clear that he wants to be at his mom's and he will do anything to make that happen even if it brings damage to someone.
I want to live, laugh and love again.
Careful with letting her choose
In my experience, 8 is a big age of testing your control over your parents. SD used to totally play BM and husband against each other. If she fought with BM, she told them she wanted to go to husband's house, and they would let her. And vice versa. It became quite a problem and both had to deal with it and stop letting her have control.
At that age, SD definitely is not mature enough to know what is best for her. It is up to her parents to do that for her. I think, in this case, it is worth the cost of the attorney to get this straightened out. You don't want the whim of an 8 year old affecting the rest of your life, and believe me, it will. Your husband will not get over this as easily as you will, who is not emotionally invested in this child.
Just speaking from experience.
if we had the money then we
if we had the money then we would do it but we are short on it. BM lets SD do what she wants and even if my DH tried to get his visitation its all up to BM to let him or not. right now we dont have the money to spend it on this matter and if we did i think it would be useless since SD doesnt even want to be with her dad. fun and games win over rules and chores. that happened to my brother when he got custody of my niece. my brother got custody and was strict and had rules in house unlike BM and my niece did not like it years later she took of with mom where is was all party, boys and drugs. and what about my brothers effort and money? down the drain.
since we dont have the money
since we dont have the money for an attorney and my DH cant stop working to go to a legal aid then i think that our only option is to just leave things alone. this friday he will be at SDs grandparents house and if she doesnt want to come over then nothing can be done cause im sure grandparents or BM will do what SD wants. and if SD decides to come over but BM doesnt then its pretty much the same thing. no money no arrangement....
lawyer for contempt?
i didnt think u needed one to do that??? a lawyer we advised w early on in all our custody BS told us if BM violated visitation agreement we could file a motion for comtempt and didnt need a lawyer to do such. was a lawyer telling u this? i would check w ur dept of social services just to be sure.
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
i was told by some of u to
i was told by some of u to go to the county court. so my DH did and asked for the papers he needed to file for contempt but he was told that they couldnt give them to him. he was told that he needed an attorney. do u think maybe the lady that he talked to did not know what she was talking about? im really lost when it comes to legal matters ....
we were told we could do it ourselves
but maybe everywhere is differenet.
see if u can download them online...honestly!
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
my DH called SD on monday to
my DH called SD on monday to know how it went on her first day of school. she answered it was fine and then he asked if she was going to come over this weekend to what she replied "no i want to stay with my mom". well it turns out that she is now back with BM because grandparents are also being strict with her. so BM now thinks that she is the perfect mother because now SD loves her and wants to be with her and since she aint doing crap about SDs problem with the internet well she thinks that she is being understanding and we are not. in BMs and SDs mind we are horrible for trying to solve the problem and since SD does not want to come over BM will please her. so i guess no SD for a long time!!!