DH thinks I am jealous of the ex
So I get unloaded on this morning from DH. The BM caused a lot of issues mostly over email over the last several years. She told us what to do and when to do it and just overall control. It was an invasion into my home. I "recommended" we stop email and only talk to her over the phone or in person because she is kind of a coward and doesn't say much in person.. only hides behind the keyboard. So he agreed and things have been better for a while. Now she won't communicate at all and all of sudden.. I was jealous so that is why they don't email. He said he talked to his therapist and he said I was jealous so therefore I am..
Then he goes on to say that I don't trust him, which I don't and I have good reasons why. He lied to me about a 6K credit card bill, tax issues, etc. He said he was scared on how I was going to react so therefore that is why he lied. He also left me 6 times in 3 years each time telling me he wanted a divorce and not coming home for days. Who would trust him.. the last time this happened was only 6 months ago and now I am supposed to be just over it. Now I am being told that I am jealous and I can't handle it.
What would you do?
JMO
And I don't mean to be so harsh, but I would leave his sorry ass! He sounds like he is all over the map with his emotions, and you have proof that he is a liar. Who cares if he was "afraid" to tell you some thing, he has no right to lie, so I guess he's a coward too, on top of that. ~ Leave out all the rest~
I agree.
Seriously. He sounds like he uses you as the person to blame for all his problems. If he was afraid to tell you something it was because he knew he was wrong. If he didn't have the guts to tell you the truth, that's not because there's something wrong with YOU, that's because there's something wrong with HIM. He's a coward, and he can't even own up to that.
My point is
that the "gone for days" is a little much. I could understand if he went for
a walk or decided to be gone for a couple of hours to calm down and realize some
things. But to be gone for days doesn't make sence.
The lies need to be taken with stride from (what sounds like an insecurity problem) him.
Money problems seem to be always an issue with men. It's part of the male ego. I'm sure
we all (male and female) have lied at some point in our marriage(s). It's what he makes of them, fixes them and how his response is to them that matters down the road.
My conclusion is that the concern is the "divorce" word and being "gone for days" part.
That needs to stop. If it is a constant for more time to come then a choice has to be
made. No one can live with something like that hanging over them. But address it first, then give it time.
You would
be better off without him he obviously does not consider the` way you feel and leaving for days where does he go?And the lying not a very stable relationship.
Thanks for the comments
Thanks for the comments everyone. He said he was upset because he caught me checking his cell phone. This was not the right thing to do I admit it and I am not trying to rationalize my behavior but I did this because he hasn't talked to me really since December about much. In addition our sex life has gone down to alsmost nothing and I am starting to wonder..
Now of course I am being blammed for communication with the ex and his kids of course and I am trying to control him. So I told him to do whatever he wants to do and I will do the same. Lets see how long this will last.. I want to just leave and not come home for days see how he would feel.
A whipping post
That is what you are being used as. This happened to me a couple times with my FH and that was it. I do not allow anyone to blame me for the inabilities to be a normal human being. So you checked his cell phone? SO WHAT? The BM used to hound my FH and he lied and said she WASNT calling so I busted him 7 mths ago, we have been through counseling and if I feel uncomfortable or to just reassure myself I look at his cell. I have even gone so far as to ask him to look at his cell phone records. He would not give me his password but he will log in and let me look at whatever I want. Obviously he has nothing to hide and I can see he is telling the truth. He made a mess of our relationship and I have every right to sit here and let him earn back MY trust. As for your DH telling you he wants a divorce and not coming home for days PUT A STOP to that right now. If you are in a position too that is. Tell him the next time he treats you like crap and he leaves home that he will find his things on the porch and the locks changed. I may put up with a lot of little BS but don't threaten me cuz I will call you to the carpet. Good luck and do not allow yourself to be treated like this!
When
you start to doubt maybe it is time for a break away can you go on a holiday somewhere to clear your thoughts?There is always a reason why people do things and he must have given you reasons as to why you go through his cell phone and such!!I wouldnt feel guilty you have questions in your mind and all your trying to get is a peace of mind its human nature.
Checking His Cell
Don't beat yourself up over that one...I think that we would be lying if we said that we havent all done that at least once. Distrust is not a good feeling but wanting the truth in a relationship is human nature and if he isnt giving it up I would go looking for it too. I did this once and when I did I found out the BM was trying to get back together with my husband.