Have any of you ever been accused by your husbands of being mean to his ex-wife? Yesterday, my husband accused me of trying to "stick it to" his ex-wife!
I am outwardly mean ABOUT BM, but not to her because I don't have contact with her. My DH thinks its funny though. Probably because he's too nice to actually say the things he thinks, and I'm the opposite. If I think it, the world will know it (not always the greatest thing I know) but thats just how I am. Luckily he's amused by it.
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
So he's nice to her but not you? My DH is nice to everyone, that includes me. But at least he tells me what he thinks about BM, even if he would never say it to her. Which is a good thing, its better if we're civil to her so she doesn't try to start trouble. Anything we can do to keep her out of our lives, we do! Last night, she left a vmail about how she had taken SS to the emergency room last Dec & she just got a bill. She wanted to know why the insurance didn't pay it (SS is covered by my DHs military insurance) She lives in a little podunk town no where near a military base, so no one out there takes this insurance. I just emailed her the instruction link on how to submit a claim to the insurance company since obviously the provider didn't do it because they don't take that insurance. That way we don't have to call her back or answer her dumbass questions. Luckily though thats the first phone message we've had in months It probably pisses her off that everytime she leaves DH a message with some kind of question, she gets an email from me with the answer. She should get the message that NOBODY WANTS TO TALK TO YOU!!
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
In our situation-was when she had 50% custody of Zippy-DH talked to her like she was a fragile little girl all the time (syrupy-sweet and accomodating) :sick: due to her "mental fragility" (Her Royal Fruit Loopness)-me-I got "tell it like it is"
Once DH had sole custody of precious Zippy-he talked to her like he talks to me and she hung up on him a year ago and has not spoken to him since-she told Zippy she is not interested in ever speaking to DH again.
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
I have been accused of being jealous as well. Not only by H but by his thearpist. I don't think our H's really understand or want to understand just how much the BMs lies, manuplication and control affects us and our families. It goes way beyond money. It is a constant reminder that they have the control and we need to just sit back and watch. I don't deal with this very good so I get upset and on the surface it looks like you are jealous. But if they would look further it is about gaining the respect you deserve as the SM and the wife.
We just settled out of court and I thought that all of this was going to be over with but its not! I think I will deal with this for the rest of my life! Here is a bit of background:
She emailed him and wanted to register the little one for kindergarten round up. He called me to tell me that and I told him that he needed to tell her that we would register her because she no longer lives in the district (its part of the settlement that since she moeved out of the district my husband registers the kids for school). Apparently my saying that means that I "want to stick it to her".
What hurts the most is that she will email him and tell him that she doesnt want me doing things with the kids and he wont say anything to her at all but I ask him to enforce the settlement agreement that cost us $10,000.00 and Im a b**ch! We have been married for almost a year and together for 3 and 1/2!
You put it exactly how I feel! I am his wife...not his enemy! All I want is for him to respect me and to get just a little bit of credit for giving up my whole life for his kids! He made a commitment to this crazy woman so he has to deal with her but I didnt...I should not have to pay for her being nuts every day of the year!
You put it exactly how I feel! I am his wife...not his enemy! All I want is for him to respect me and to get just a little bit of credit for giving up my whole life for his kids! He made a commitment to this crazy woman so he has to deal with her but I didnt...I should not have to pay for her being nuts every day of the year!
You put it exactly how I feel! I am his wife...not his enemy! All I want is for him to respect me and to get just a little bit of credit for giving up my whole life for his kids! He made a commitment to this crazy woman so he has to deal with her but I didnt...I should not have to pay for her being nuts every day of the year!
It's sooo hard not to come back with "yeah, I'm jealous - I didn't end up with a frumpy, unemployed loser; I don't work for minimum wage; I'm not an alcoholic or a gambling addict; and I'm not the mother of a mini beast. Instead, I have a great job, two great kids, a semi-great husband (at least he's better than hers), no addictions outside of diet coke, and I don't have to claim SD as mine." I have Sooo much to be jealous of.
Ditto to all the "he walks on eggshells around her, but has no problem telling me off" comments. He doesn't really tell me off but he is HYPER sensitive when it comes to her. Yesterday I told DH to tell BM about an appointment for SD, but I said it like "maybe you could squeeze it in on one of your dozen daily phone calls to BM." Apparently that means I'm jealous. It couldn't possibly be that I think multiple daily phone calls to "check in as parents just like we did when we were married" is excessive. Whatever. I'm almost to the point that I wish they would get back together and slink off into the night and leave me and my kiddos alone.
I get so sad some days! Its very depressing to know that I give up everything for his kids and Im treated like a common stranger! I told him yesterday that he was on his own. I was very mad when I said it but Im almost very serious about it. Im just so frustrated!
The thing is no matter how hard you try to convince them you are doing these things for the sake of your home and your life together it is all about the BM. H knows if he says something to enforce the agreement that he will have to deal with the evil BM, which can include PAS on the kids, more money he might have to pay, the list goes on and on. It is easier and safer to just say to you, "well deal with it" or "you are jealous". This isn't about jealousy or "sticking it to her". This is about H taking the road of least resistance. You can't change this, you can talk until you are blue in the face. The only way it gets resolved if he wakes up one day and realizes his life is with you and not with her anymore and that he shouldn't fear her anylonger. Or you simply can't deal with it and you leave.
As Crayon once said "been there done that, got the t-shirt".
Sometimes I end our 'discussions' with, Oh, are you going for divorce #_ and wife #_? LOL
That is so weak to act like having a third person in your house and marriage is normal? I don't care what any BM thinks, just like I made DH tell ours, she doesn't mean one thing to me or have any claim on me, so don't ever call my house or try to tell me what to do again!! of course SD is close to legal age so we don't have to talk.
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
Now she tells him that "I do too much for the kids and he should start doing these things himself" and he is actually listening to her! Since when is it a bad thing for me to want to be motherly to the kids? Ive had it with this!
I am outwardly mean ABOUT
I am outwardly mean ABOUT BM, but not to her because I don't have contact with her. My DH thinks its funny though. Probably because he's too nice to actually say the things he thinks, and I'm the opposite. If I think it, the world will know it (not always the greatest thing I know) but thats just how I am. Luckily he's amused by it.
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
I Wish
He is too nice to say what he thinks to her but he has no problem telling me what he thinks about me!
So he's nice to her but not
So he's nice to her but not you? My DH is nice to everyone, that includes me. But at least he tells me what he thinks about BM, even if he would never say it to her. Which is a good thing, its better if we're civil to her so she doesn't try to start trouble. Anything we can do to keep her out of our lives, we do! Last night, she left a vmail about how she had taken SS to the emergency room last Dec & she just got a bill. She wanted to know why the insurance didn't pay it (SS is covered by my DHs military insurance) She lives in a little podunk town no where near a military base, so no one out there takes this insurance. I just emailed her the instruction link on how to submit a claim to the insurance company since obviously the provider didn't do it because they don't take that insurance. That way we don't have to call her back or answer her dumbass questions. Luckily though thats the first phone message we've had in months
It probably pisses her off that everytime she leaves DH a message with some kind of question, she gets an email from me with the answer. She should get the message that NOBODY WANTS TO TALK TO YOU!!
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
BM' s only power
In our situation-was when she had 50% custody of Zippy-DH talked to her like she was a fragile little girl all the time (syrupy-sweet and accomodating) :sick: due to her "mental fragility" (Her Royal Fruit Loopness)-me-I got "tell it like it is"
Once DH had sole custody of precious Zippy-he talked to her like he talks to me and she hung up on him a year ago and has not spoken to him since-she told Zippy she is not interested in ever speaking to DH again.
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
I have been accused of being
I have been accused of being jealous as well. Not only by H but by his thearpist. I don't think our H's really understand or want to understand just how much the BMs lies, manuplication and control affects us and our families. It goes way beyond money. It is a constant reminder that they have the control and we need to just sit back and watch. I don't deal with this very good so I get upset and on the surface it looks like you are jealous. But if they would look further it is about gaining the respect you deserve as the SM and the wife.
We just settled out of court
We just settled out of court and I thought that all of this was going to be over with but its not! I think I will deal with this for the rest of my life! Here is a bit of background:
She emailed him and wanted to register the little one for kindergarten round up. He called me to tell me that and I told him that he needed to tell her that we would register her because she no longer lives in the district (its part of the settlement that since she moeved out of the district my husband registers the kids for school). Apparently my saying that means that I "want to stick it to her".
What hurts the most is that she will email him and tell him that she doesnt want me doing things with the kids and he wont say anything to her at all but I ask him to enforce the settlement agreement that cost us $10,000.00 and Im a b**ch! We have been married for almost a year and together for 3 and 1/2!
AKA - THANK YOU!
You put it exactly how I feel! I am his wife...not his enemy! All I want is for him to respect me and to get just a little bit of credit for giving up my whole life for his kids! He made a commitment to this crazy woman so he has to deal with her but I didnt...I should not have to pay for her being nuts every day of the year!
AKA - THANK YOU!
You put it exactly how I feel! I am his wife...not his enemy! All I want is for him to respect me and to get just a little bit of credit for giving up my whole life for his kids! He made a commitment to this crazy woman so he has to deal with her but I didnt...I should not have to pay for her being nuts every day of the year!
AKA - THANK YOU!
You put it exactly how I feel! I am his wife...not his enemy! All I want is for him to respect me and to get just a little bit of credit for giving up my whole life for his kids! He made a commitment to this crazy woman so he has to deal with her but I didnt...I should not have to pay for her being nuts every day of the year!
Yes, I get accused of being mean BECAUSE I'm jealous
It's sooo hard not to come back with "yeah, I'm jealous - I didn't end up with a frumpy, unemployed loser; I don't work for minimum wage; I'm not an alcoholic or a gambling addict; and I'm not the mother of a mini beast. Instead, I have a great job, two great kids, a semi-great husband (at least he's better than hers), no addictions outside of diet coke, and I don't have to claim SD as mine." I have Sooo much to be jealous of.
Ditto to all the "he walks on eggshells around her, but has no problem telling me off" comments. He doesn't really tell me off but he is HYPER sensitive when it comes to her. Yesterday I told DH to tell BM about an appointment for SD, but I said it like "maybe you could squeeze it in on one of your dozen daily phone calls to BM." Apparently that means I'm jealous. It couldn't possibly be that I think multiple daily phone calls to "check in as parents just like we did when we were married" is excessive. Whatever. I'm almost to the point that I wish they would get back together and slink off into the night and leave me and my kiddos alone.
LOL Serena
You evil little jealous person you! ~ dripping with sarcasm. Who wouldn't be jealous of that big ball of NOTHINGNESS. LMBO.
Just because one opens her legs twice, does not a mother make! ~ ME ~ }:-P
I Hear Ya!
I get so sad some days! Its very depressing to know that I give up everything for his kids and Im treated like a common stranger! I told him yesterday that he was on his own. I was very mad when I said it but Im almost very serious about it. Im just so frustrated!
The thing is no matter how
The thing is no matter how hard you try to convince them you are doing these things for the sake of your home and your life together it is all about the BM. H knows if he says something to enforce the agreement that he will have to deal with the evil BM, which can include PAS on the kids, more money he might have to pay, the list goes on and on. It is easier and safer to just say to you, "well deal with it" or "you are jealous". This isn't about jealousy or "sticking it to her". This is about H taking the road of least resistance. You can't change this, you can talk until you are blue in the face. The only way it gets resolved if he wakes up one day and realizes his life is with you and not with her anymore and that he shouldn't fear her anylonger. Or you simply can't deal with it and you leave.
As Crayon once said "been there done that, got the t-shirt".
NOOOO
My husband can't stand her! and he agrees with everything I have to say about her... }:)
G
LOL
Yea I meant to post about that. I got a nice little chuckle from that one too.
Just because one opens her legs twice, does not a mother make! ~ ME ~ }:-P
I don't know
the woman, never met her, never talked to her (married 5 years and dated 5 years)and I don't care to.
never met her or talked in 5 years??
You are so very, very lucky.
I've never even heard her voice!
There's an old saying (paraphrasing here):
Keep the 3 people that love you away from the 3 that hate you.
I think that my dh has done this very well.
You know what I say to that?
Sometimes I end our 'discussions' with, Oh, are you going for divorce #_ and wife #_? LOL
That is so weak to act like having a third person in your house and marriage is normal? I don't care what any BM thinks, just like I made DH tell ours, she doesn't mean one thing to me or have any claim on me, so don't ever call my house or try to tell me what to do again!! of course SD is close to legal age so we don't have to talk.
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
Ugh!
Now she tells him that "I do too much for the kids and he should start doing these things himself" and he is actually listening to her! Since when is it a bad thing for me to want to be motherly to the kids? Ive had it with this!
mini beast ..that is
mini beast ..that is hilarious!! im gonna start using that one