Okay, I need you guys to weigh in on this one. I've hit the maximum stepmom capacity, and my DH is about to go wacko.

We went to Milwaukee and Chicago for the weekend to visit MIL and my dad in chicago. We basically spent a few hours with his mom, let SD8 spend the night, and went to see my dad afterwards. Well as you may know SD8 has been having many many behavioral issues at school (throwing away her lunch, fighting, interrupting the teacher, and being angry and distant at home). So, DH before we went over MILs, told his mom of her issues and that even though we are coming over she is still on punishment. Bascially she had to complete some math problems while she was over there. Well in picking her up, MIL brought a bunch of junk food to be included in SD8's lunches, because against what SD8 might claim, SD8 manipulated her GM into getting this junk for her it included chips, twinkies, and juice. WTF! I mean it isn't that we cant afford that stuff it is the principle, that SD8 always wants her way - and if we include juice she doesn't like the particular juice or she doesn't eat it in a protest to get what she wants. So, we don't include it temporarily. So, DH is just angry leaving his moms house and he proceeds to ask SD8 what happened and for her to tell him the whole story on what they discussed.

Basically SD8 tells us that she gossiped with her GM about the fact that she doesn't want to live with us anymore, that she hates her lunches, that she is mad at us because we won't let her where big A&& ghetto hoop earrings, and that I don't let her rule over my BD9mo. So, DH gets so mad that we almost get in an accident on the freeway and I ask him to pull over to a gass station so that we can all discuss. Well she just proceeds to tell us through tears (because she is scared that her dad is going to just combust) that she told them that I - her stepmom acts different when I'm in public, then I am at home, and that she wants to be able to act as she does with her small cousins (that are under 2) with her sister.

First thing, SD8 never talks to me at home, matter-of-fact she gives the whole house the silent treatment. She comes in the house and never even says hi to her half-sister. So, her little cousin's mom is basically a mom at 18 and lets her little children get raised by everyone and their mama...so I'm NOT the one to let a little 8-year old tell my little girl what to do and boss her around, that isn't how you are a sister. And SD8 needs to figure that out. Also, when I'm in public, people TALK to me, so if you talk to me, you will get spoken to. Not once did I really talk to SD8 while we were over there, but she just felt my energy different because everyone else was being cordial and I was talking to grownups.

Basically, I'm concerned about how she talks to other people when we aren't around. I'm concerned that she tells even our friends information such as this when she spends the nights with friends, and I now will never let my BD8 be over my MILs house alone at all, especially when I know they discuss me and my parenting abilities and my husbands behind my back. NEVER.

So, DH bascially says, he has had it - and if her mom where to call us tomorrow and demand her back - he'll give her back. He doesn't want BD9mo to go through the emotional distress that this has caused our household...or want BD8 to rub off on her in any way. A healthy medium would be giving her to his MIL and let her and the family raise her since that seems to be what she wants.

We are tired, its been 3 years and no progress, and I don't want to be the scowled looking mom all of th etime. I want to be happy for my kids. I really need to know from you stepmoms that have been around the block, have done it for the long haul and have issues, that if you where to do it again or where to be in my situation would you just keep her or just say adios?