fed up

Forums:

i just want to know do any of you have to deal with constant slander from BM? DH and I have a voicemail and that is the only number she is allowed to have because she cannot control the urge to call 65 million times a day just to hear dh's voice. well she slanders me constanlly on there claiming i delete messages which is not the case. the only reason I even check the darn thing is because we are waiting on an important call from his work. I am ready to walk away from my marriage because this is just to the point that I cannot take it anymore. I mean she walks into our lives making demands, telling everyone that he owes her and her child to leave me and be with her, i am just done!! she slanders me constantly and I just want to f her up. I have so had it he tells her about herself she doesn't listen. he tries to set ground rules they go out the door. if we are fighting, he plays nice nice and tells her what she wants to hear. I have told him that i am at the end of my rope and he tells me what do i want him to do he has tried everything. I feel he needs to cut contact with her period and go through the court point blank. she is nuts, when she had my house number she told my BD that she would soon be her step mommy, WTF!! i don't want to play her games and call her and tell her where to go but instead i came on here to vent which is much better than playing her game. i just am lost i don't ant to deal with this anymore. I love my dh more than anything but BM is just a crazy, hot mess that i just would prefer not to have any in my life at all. BTW, they were only together about a year not married, she left for 11 years came back and now wants my DH to be with her and her child. He thought he signed rights away and that was then end of it. There is alot more to the story but that is it in a nutshell.

Don't Leave DH because of her

this is exactly what she wants you to do. She wants your HUSBAND! She isn't over him and you are in the way! Don't play the game don't feed into her bullshyt! You know how she is and you KNOW what she is trying to do. Looks as if it is working. Don't let her PUSH you to that point!
And YES I go through it too with BM. The voice mails the name calling on the machine. And yes the other day I was two seconds from knocking her out, but I didn't.
You might need DH to back you up and you two be united front. But don't fall for her foolishness!

"And this too shall pass..."

The First Thing DH Needs To Do Is...

make sure he is consistant. He CANNOT change the way he deals with her based on how well the two of you are getting along! If she thinks that you are not getting along it only gives her hope that there is a chance he will come back to her.

I was in the same situation for a long time. BM would say all kinds of nasty things about me to the chldren and to my husband. She made up lie after lie, accused me of doing things that I hadnt, etc. The best thing we ever did was take her to court. It has shown her that WE are united in our beliefs and what we think is best for the kids. She has backed off tremendously and now that she knows that my husband supports our relationship and my relationship with the kids, she rarely challenges me. I am sure she still bad mouths me to her friends, family and maybe even the kids but I dont deal with it on a daily basis anymore and she would not dare say a word to my husband.

So does your DH refuse to go

So does your DH refuse to go through the courts? I would tell him he needs to ignore ALL phone calls and let her leave messages. Then ONLY respond to emergencies. You can get a court order saying she can contact him only once a day or something like that if she is harrassing you guys, and you can get an order saying she can't make any derogatory comments about either of you to the kid.

"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"

Thank you for your

Thank you for your responses. I am trying so hard to let it roll of my back but like you guys said he has to be on board. We will be having a talk and if he does not unite with me then i am sorry to say but we need to split up. i cannot do this to myself or my kids anymore. this woman is unstable and i don't know what she is capable of. for myself and my kids, he has to put his foot down if he doesn't then it is over bottom line. i know it is what she wants but i start to think maybe he has feelings for her or something that he will not put his foot down, this is just frustrating.

May be he will

See what happens after your talk. You need to let him know that this is killing you and your family. You don't need to be handling this by yourself.

I hope he does step up to the plate!