I am a 42 y/o man that has 2 step-children. A 9 y/o sd and 20 almost21 y/o ss. I have been with my unofficial wife for almost 4 years and we have lived together for 2 years. In the beginning I really had no issues with the kids other than the behavior of the 9 y/o who at the time was 6. As time has gone by she has broken out of some of those bratty ways. The issue I have is with the 20 y/o. When I first met him, he was placed in a juvenile facility for some stupid crime him and his friends had done. This had happened just before his mother and I met. Him and I met a few months later while he was home on a visit. After a while he invited me to start coming with his mother on visiting weekends and I was more than happy to go. I felt honered actually because when his mother and I met, she was still married to her daughters father and they were still living in the same house separately. My ss and his sf at the time never really got along and had a few physical confrontations during his teenage years. He was 9 when his mother married her ex. At first I thought that the ex just simply did not like the kid because he wasn't his bs. Then came along the daughter and I assume the ex just wanted it to be the three of them instead of 4. My fiance and her ex separated and it became a difficult divorce but we all survived. Anyway, While I had been visiting my ss at his school, he talked about going to college which I thought was great. I felt like although he had been in some trouble, his 14 months at this school turned him around and he was going to be headed in the right direction. His mother and I were trying to help him with choices and always talkng to him about what he wanted to do in life. Well after he gradutaed and was released, talk of college went right out the window.

He ended up getting a job that wasn't paying much and offered no benefits. I tried to explain to him on several occassions how hard it is out in the world and that he really should re-think going back to school. He is one of those typical 20 y/o that think they know it all. I thought that by him seeing how hard his mother and I had been struggling to make ends meet( and we weren't making bad money) that it would encourage him to want to be more financially successful. Well 2 years have passed and he recently got fired from his job for being late all the time. So be it. He now sits at home on the computer selling second-hand books and according to him, dealing with stocks where he claims he is making money. That is absolutely fine as a side project. I recently had the same talk with him about school and getting a degree and it always ends with him having an attitude. Now his mother and I both agree on this and we both told him that if he chose to not want to go to school he would have to move out in 2 years and if he were in school there would be no problem with him living here while going to school if the school was in local. He said he was moving to Florida with a friend at the beginning of the year and of course we were both looking at him like how are going to do that with no job. He had all the answers(of course). I would tell myself to just let him make his choices and find his own way. The other issues I have had with him over these 2 years of living together is him losing his house key 3 times, smoking weed in his bedroom, finding a huge amount of weed in his room that he was selling which by the way was the first reason he was arrested as a teen and placed on probation only to commit this last crime that landed him in the juvenile school for 14 months while on probation. Doesn't help me with yard work, but does take the trash out. Overall he is not the worst kid in the world other than the few mess ups, but watching him set himself up for failure is hard.

He has never been disrespectful to me up until last night. He wanted his girlfriend to come over which is no problem. She came by last weekend and he ask me could she spend the night. I agreed because he said she had to be to work at 9am the next morning and it would be late by the time we were done watching the movie but I didn't want the 9 y/o sd to see that his girlfriend spent the night. My reason is that when she is that age I don't want to hear that "he did it why can't I". The girlfriend ended up strolling downstairs at 10am because she overslept and the 9 y/o was sitting right there having her breakfast. My fiance didn't have a problem with this but I did. This Friday we both tried to talk to him about school again and his mother was right on point trying to get through to him. It ended with him saying that he had to go because someone was waiting for him. I had a problem with that and at the point just said to myself forget it and just let him do what he thinks is going to work for him. He wanted his girfriend to come over last night after she was finished with work and thought that wouldn't be a problem, I told him that she was not spending the night. I told him that if he wanted lay up with his girlfriend to get a room or get your own place. He has spent the night it seems over at her parents house many times because they are always gone. My house won't be that house. So this conversation led to everything pretty much that has pissed me off over the 2 years and then he started to get a little cocky with me which I was not going to have. I got up off the couch and told him that I was not afraid of him and I would F@#k him up. He acted like that meant nothing still talking and I pushed him and asked him was he some kind of tough guy now. His mother jumped up and tried to get in between us and then he called me a "punk ass" in my own house. At that point my fist met his face and it was on. We had a quick altercation but neither of us really wanted that and hearing his mother screaming and crying caused us to stop immediately. Of course she hates me now and to her he has done nothing wrong.

He left the house and I tried to call him back because I really did not want things to get to that point. He is not a terrible person; just not thinking right about his future at this moment and had a moment a brain freeze as to who he was talking to. I have tried to do whatever I can for him to help him on the right path, but I will not be disrespected at 42 in my house by an almost 21 y/o. At this point I don't know what is going to happen because she hates me now and we are not speaking. My Fiance doesn't want to see my perspective and won't try to see it as if she was in my shoes and this was my bd talking to her like that. There is much more to this story but just too much to write. I think any man whether it was his bs or ss would not want to be verbally disrespected in their house. I feel if I let that happen then what's next? Am I going to start getting cursed out or punched in the face? Anyone have any advice?