When perfectson was 5 he developed horrible temper tantrums. I'm talking maniac stuff like tearing the closet doors off the hinges when he had a fit. I promptly got him into counseling for this because I knew the emotional outbursts were directly related to his changing circumstances and his inability to deal with them. The therapy worked wonders for him. You should definitely look into that. I'm all in favor of busting a kid's ass, but sometimes it's way beyond what a good old fashioned spanking can cure.

Is there any way you and your DH can get him some counseling also? I found a child therapist who specialized with angry children. She was a miracle worker as far as I'm concerned! Sometimes I wondered why I was dishing out big bucks for her to 'play' with perfectson but I would do that again in a heartbeat. She really made that big of a difference with him.

As far as BM thinking she's a great parent... really, don't we all? Frankly I am a perfect BM to a perfect son!

Married~

You both need to sit him down quietly and tell him the new rules:

The child needs more counselng, then what he is apparently receiving, and i would have him in a therapy group with children his age.

DO NOT YELL, it only fuels it, and that makes it worse...Whisper..so he has to stop yelling to listen.

Also, remove the bedroom door, any slamming and doors come off...store the door in your room or somewhere he can't get to it..and leave it off a while.. a few days !
For each thing he refuses to stop doing, give him a warning, if it doesn't stop , like the screaming, if he doesn't lower his voice and be quiet, ( tell him he will loose a toy for the day or stars below ) and remove an item he loves ( toy etc) always start with his favorite toys, you can also use TV shows he watches, ! One by one..each time.....and when he starts behaving, he must earn each item / toy back...
if he continues the behavior, he looses more toys. Lock them in the trunk of your car if you have too.
as for time out...that should be 12 minutes..quiet time NO talking at all time is always, double his age in minutes, is appropriate.

..( if he knows how to write) you can also have him write small sentences, 30 times neatly... in a note book.

example : I will not scream
I will behave
I will not slam the door

Also what is even more important : is seeing his good behaviors, and manners, when he is good make sure you reward him for being good..
You don't have to buy anything..
Simple words...Wow, Josh , you are so good today
I really appreicate when you are good
Your being so good tonight..I think maybe we can have ice cream

IF you can afford a special treat once a week...he must behave the entire week. IF he MISBEHAVES he looses a STAR!
You could make him a behavior chart, and buy stickers at the Dollar Tree store...AND POSTERBOARD TO MAKE THE CHART.
And make a reward chart, example:
10 stars- and he gets to stay up late on Friday night
5 stars-he gets to watch a favorite show
14 stars-He gets to go with dad to the park
7 stars- he doesn't talk badly to adults

simple things...Its very simple...you make the chart with him. and decide what amount of stars for each reward.

IF WE GAVE CHILDREN MORE REWARDS FOR GOOD BEHAVIOR, IN A COUPLE OF WEEKS, YOU WOULD SEE LESS BAD BEHAVIORS.
GOOD LUCK !! SUS

Diet is very important as well.
Today there are huge problems that can be traced back to the junk food kids eat...

It helps spike thier issues if they are not eating right.
Make em eat healthy foods, and they mellow out to a at least a little easier level to deal with.

Don't jack em up with sugar and carbs and expect them to be in control.

AND DAD should spank his little behind. There is no law against spanking. I think it should be used as a last resort, but it sounds as if your DH is already there. The kid needs a REAL consequence.

Stop worrying about social services. As long as he isn't being beaten, there is no crime.