I'm 30 and I feel the same way you do. We are definitely in a child centered society it seems. "Don't do anything to upset the darlings, don't encourage them to reach to perform at higher standards, let's celebrate mediocrity and everyone gets a medal, whether earned or not etc." Yep, baffles me every day!

Don't get Crayon started on this, LOL!

you mean like our BM telling the kids to call her by her first name? or when SS15 is talking abotu his first car and both his father and grandfather (maternal) have offerred FREE cars, he ha sturned them down as "not good enough." and the BM said (honest to god) "well dad's car would eb a good trade in for you to get abrand new car." OMG~

To be honest, I'm even younger than you and I'm COMPLETELY amused. These people are so obsessed with not ever being mean, that they end up sending an @$$load of mixed messages.

A. *soft voice* That's really inappropriate honey.

OK say that to your cat, it'll purr and rub against you, you're sweet talking it not sassing it.

B. I said no, I'm saying no again, please don't make me keep saying no.

Because hearing you say no, is the ultimate consequence? I'm laughing with your kid.

C. You can only buy two toys. You're misbehaving you're not getting anything other than the two toys I said I'd get you? Well then... made out either way huh Mum... I still got the toys, and you got no respect.

definately a cop out. really it is "love me love me...i will give you whatever you want, be as cool as i think I need to be, fail to enforce rules or boundaries...all in an effort for you to love me best" except...kids grow up and can eventually think for themselves. patience is the greatest virtue of a step parent. it is amazing what kids will realize post-age 25.

I was raised to respect your elders, something that obviously is not being instilled in today's youth. I'm from another country and moved here at 16. I was appalled when I heard this 8 or 9 year old cursing at one of the neighbors. Have you ever watched the shows on Nick, Disney etc. with "tweens"? They talk to the adult characters like they are morons and the adults in turn smile sheepishly.

I recommend the "Love & Logic" parenting. It helps build responsibility and thinking skills in kids. It's non-violent(no spanking, etc.) but seems to work. We're still working on being consistent with it.

I don't think the "soft parenting" skills are that new, I think we have a generation of people looking for the easy way out and no personal responsibility just out of college - but that's my opinion. And I also believe that cell phones have created a safe way for people to be rude to and not connect with the other people that they are in the same area they are. Don't get me wrong here, I don't want to give mine up - but we've let so much come in the way of what used to be common courtesy.

x

Ok I'm almost 40 (next year... omg) and I'm a HUGE pushover parent to perfectson we all know.... BUT ask him what happened when we were into it and he called me a bitch... hmmmm.... SMACK. He's never done it again and I bet he never will.

I guess by this list I'm a half-way trendy parent. I have probably 15 albums of pictures of nothing but perfectson's life, I spent $1300 on his SR pictures, and still need to get a few more, I've signed him up for any activity he's ever wanted to do. I've rarely ever missed any of his sports games, and driven all over the place and taken off work so not to miss them.

Yes, I pretty much think perfectson can do no wrong, but if he DOES do wrong, "I" am the only one allowed to get in his face about it. I will defend him to the ends of the Earth. I have gone up against teachers and even the school administration last year when I think he's been wronged.

That being said, he's an awesome kid. Good grades, soccer captain, student council officer, has a JOB that he got all by himself, has his own checking account and helps pay his bills with his own money.

We're close friends AND mother/son too. You CAN be a parent and a friend, you just have to know when to step in each role.

Anyway, that's my little rant...

i had a mom who thought we watched too much tv. she got mad when we snuck tv while she worked a second job and did not do our chores. my mom did not ground us. no. she did not forbid tv. no. SHE CUT THE CORD to the tv.
lol. my mom always had consequences. a "healthy fear" is what she called it. and i was in line pretty much all the time because of it.

my "discipline" weapon as the SM is this...i have a "look" and since I do not handle the discipline...if I am in the moment...I give the "look" and sometimes will just say "well, you have dissapointed me with your behavior." and leave it at dissapointment. i usually get a sorry down the road freely from SD if that happens. I learned from my mom the power of a "dissapointed" parent.

My Mom and I were just talking about this. We are wondering what this generation is going to grow up to be like. Its scary. Im 28 and don't understand this easy/guitly parent crap, I think it sets the child up for failure.

"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus

What is this "passive" parenting style?? I don't like it. Maybe we're old school in our thinking but it does seem like that is the trend now.

Here inlies the problem - we honestly have no say in how are stepchildren are raised. So if their birth parents want to raise them like that because they "feel sorry" for them or want to be the "good parent" we have to live with it. That means, oh don't make your bed if you don't want to, if you don't like my cooking then go ahead and have a bowl of cereal, oh everybody is going to camp all summer so you want to go then that's fine, you're 12 and you want to watch a rated R movie, I'm not going to tell you no, You're 11 and you want a cell phone --- well I told you when you're 12 but I don't want to uphold what I told you before so I'll just buy you one now, oh you want to take guitar lessons because your friend does - well, I'll just go out and buy you a $400 guitar and get you signed up for lessons with him! WTF?? The kids are CONSTANTLY whining if we ask them to do ANY kind of work around the house because they're used to being waited on hand and foot and having NO responsibility or being told NO!!!

An example, my stepson had a friend over a couple weeks ago. We picked him up and his mom said she'd come get him around 5 o'clock which would give them a good 3 hours to play. Stepson asked DH if he could stay later and I said No I didn't think he should because we were all going to have dinner together and his mom was already planning to come at 5. He gets mad at me because I said no....It's like why did you even ask me then?? He said well he asked me if he could stay...don't you want him to have friends?? Well yes I do but jeez we see him only a 1/3 of the time, isn't 3 hours enough for play time!!!

I loathe the "everybody gets a trophy" attitude. Wouldn't want to actually let these poor, entitled creatures understand that not everyone always wins. WTF?? When I was growing up we had rules. We were seen and not heard. And when adults were talking, we shouldn't even be seen. Seriously, when I am around dh's family, I feel like I am in the twilight zone. I break out in hives because the kids totally run the show. The adults all sit around the room (usually on the floor because the kids are on the furniture) and the kids put on productions. They interrupt, talk over, sass, demand and all of these robotic adults do whatever they ask. Kids standing on couches, pulling on curtains, smacking chandeliers, punching and kicking adults and each other. AND they all pat themselves on the back and tell each other what good kids they all have. HOLY SHIT!! If these kids were with me for one week, their lives would be turned around. They hate me because SD isn't allowed to behave this way ANYWHERE. They think because it is Grandma's my rules don't apply. Bullshit! I am not cleaning up the aftermath for the next week because the rules went out the windows at Grandma's house. Mostly they don't bring their kids to my house, because in my house the rules are the same for all kids and they don't like it (why would I let someone else's kid walk on my couch in shoes, when I won't let SD do it?). All the babying, coddling, back patting makes me SICK!! People, including SD, actually expect me to pat SDs back for doing what she should be doing. SD will actually beg for praise. "SVS look I finally finished my dinner". YAY and just a shade under a decade. Congratulations. of "SVS aren't you proud of me, I zipped my coat all by myself". UM you're almost 6, if you figured it out when you were 4, I'd have celebrated, but since I have been trying to teach you for 2 years and you finally stopped being too lazy to do it for once, it really isn't so awe-inducing!

Sorry - this stuff really pisses me off! Prizes because you got over a tantrum. Horse Pucky!

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

my SD likes to be a "little girl" and soemtimes idiot BF will cut her meat etc...(are you kidding????) the other day she says " i cannot get that" (coke out of fridge) before I could stop myself I said "wow, did I miss it and your arms and legs fell off? no? then you just got the award for laziest kid of the decade!"

BF actually did not side with her and said "SD, go get the coke yourself."

one thing I have done is figured out which "adult foods" SD9 will eat (versus chicken fingers, pizza and chinese food). She wille at chicken, pork and steak. GRanted she puts ketchup on all of it, and that disgusts me, but whatever, it is not my meat (if i get steak BF and I get nice pieces and she gets a crap piece to smother in ketchup). And on her weekends, we do not have "kid meals" (other than a taco night, which we all love). So last night we have porkc chops (not breaded) broccoli, green beans and rice. She did not eat the rice, but she ate the veggies and pork. I know she likes broccoli and corn and beans. SO yes, when she is going to be there I structure the family meals around what she likes...but I make sure it is ONE meal. Over time, we have gotten her to expand to some of the sides we are eating (like green beans) or when she tried turkey (with ketchup)...or moving onto meatloaf from just burgers. Once she realized there would only ever be one meal in the house, and that I would take her likes/dislikes into consideration while planning it...well, she eats.