Hmmm< well it took a long time to get to the point where I'am now, but yes right now we have a good relationship. We had several ups and downs. Have you ever heard the term stepwife? Well my relationship with bm is exactly that a stepwife. We got into screaming matches, she slept with my brother, we went round and round and round. Now, though we are trying to be friends which is really weird to some people.

She always tells just about everyone that my SD7 has two mothers. When my SD went to school when it was time to fill out paperwork she put both of our names in the mother spot.

SD has lived with me and hubby since she was very very little so SD has always called me mom especially after her siblings were born. BM never started drama about this she was encouraging actually. ( BM has a stepdad she calls dad, and understands you can love a step just as much as a bio)

We have like a 70/30 schedule, my hubby and I having the majority of the time. Bm tries to help as much as she can with home-schooling ( that took work also).

My hubby and BM however can not get along at all. Im not sure they have had a conversation without yelling well ever. Im the only thing I think that stops them from screaming even in public.

We are going to the zoo, and another event, and my sds birthday all together so it should be interesting. Me and BM will be fine. However I see hubby keeping his distance already.

It's definitely possible, but I would love to do a study on the actual percentages surrounding this. I'd say 70/30. Seventy percent hate BM and 30 percent have a decent relationship.

~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~

Lurker here. First time posting. I am the step-mother of two SD12 and SS8. My husband has been divorced for 8 years and we have been together for 7. His ex and I have a decent relationship. I don't care for parts of her personality, but I don't have to. She is not my friend. She is the mother of two children I love dearly. We are respectful of each other, we talk, and we have hung out a few times as requested by SD. I am here if she needs help and vice-versa.

We have a weird situation I guess. It takes both of us to make this work and we are both willing as of now.

I would like to say that it would be nice, but in the real world more times than not it will never happen. There is a very fine line between being friends and being exs/steps. Before you know it the ex can become involved in your new life and it makes for a very confusing situation for the children involved. Do I think exs and steps should be friends? No, not if you don't want it to destroy your current marriage. Talking from having been there, the ex wife wanted to be a friend and she was working behind my back to destroy my marriage.

I get along great with SS22's mom. She's a super sweet lady and has never been anything but nice to me. She doesn't care for DH but whatever, doesn't bother me any. She's actually thanked me for being such a good SM to SS22 over the years and said she's always appreciated how much I've done for him and how much I love him. When he was about 15 he went through a really rough time and she even called me to come to her house to help her with him. I've always tried to really respect her place as mother and never step on her toes and I think she's appreciated that too. SS22's mom and stepdad live 3 houses down from us and his grandparents (DH's ex-inlaws) are our next door neighbors! LOL! All of them are good people and in fact SS's grandpa has come to my aid with flat tires and such when there was nobody else to help me! LOL

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I read the books in the beginning and very much WANTED to have a good relationship. But she was bitter at the time about FH and I when we first start dating, even though they'd been divorced over a year but had been separated more than a year before that. Anyway, so my attempts to reach out to her were largely shot down or rather met with a cold reaction and unwillingness. So I said f*** it and didn't bother anymore. She took FH to court shortly after I moved in and generally made the first 6 months of us living together very stressful. We were always civil face to face, but she was always saying biting things to FH about me. Anyway, the kind of person she is, her values or lack thereof don't jive with the way I was raised, and we wouldn't be friends if we'd met elsewhere. I don't care much for her at all as a person but I try my best to be courteous and helpful when it comes to SS10. I don't think we'll ever have a "good" relationship because I blame her for some of her son's emotional issues and I think she's completely lazy and incompetent. I don't respect her at all and she's condescending towards me and FH and argumentative when she need not be. I deal with her because I have to.

duplicate post.

Definitely. I think it depends on the maturity level of all people involved, not to state the obvious! In my case, pigs will literally have to fly and hell will be turned into an ice skating rink before I will have a good relationship with the BM. Even when I knew her when she was with H, I never liked her and I thought her pathetic and smarmy attempts to worm her way into my friend circle were unsuccessful and sad. She has the maturity of a three year old and no conscious, so there is no way I could ever like or respect her, even if she hadn't done all the heinous things she has. I've heard of those good SM/BM relationships, but it's out of the question for me, unfortunately.

I've heard it can happen though, so hopefully you and as many people as possible will have a good experience.

"If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they will kill you." ~Oscar Wilde

I don't have a relationship with The Wookie, but I do have one with my Ex's ex-wife (the one he married after me and they only lasted 3 months). We call each other "Wife-in-Law". I bought us matching Dr. Suess dolls - I'm "Thing 1" and she's "Thing 2."
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Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!!

Deleted for PRIVACY PURPOSES

BM and I are cordial right now. Honestly I don't think I can ever become her "friend" simply because we're just way too different. We don't have ANY similar interests and our personalities are like night and day. That's why BF and her did not work out as a couple and why we do. And I don't say that to take a jab at her but because its the truth. BF and I are compatible but they never were.

But back to the topic. It took us a while to reach the cordial stage. We can chit chat about our day, the kids, meaningless junk. We don't harbor any hate or ill-feelings toward the other. But she's very insecure. She refused to meet me for almost a year. I on the other hand was ready to meet her almost immediately because I wanted her to feel secure about the person her children were going to spending a lot of time with.

When SD's birthday rolled around I was invited to the party. (BF plans SS's party and BM plan's SD's party). I called her and thanked her for inviting me. I was terrified that she was going to be nasty about it but wanted to know that I did the right thing regardless of her attitude. She handled it well. She said thank you and proceeded to hold a mini-conversation with me. So in a nutshell we agreed to get along because its better for the children but no, we will never be close and that's ok. We all need to have our boundaries. I may not agree with her ideas or find aspects of her personality appealing but I don't have to just like she doesn't have to like or love anything about me. Its all about being able to be respectful and mind your manners like an adult. Plain and simple.

Whew, that was way longer than I planned on. Sorry for making your eyes hurt if you're still reading at this point