I'm really sorry that you're hurting honey. I can't imagine how difficult this must be. I know what Jackie said hurt you deeply but remember that when people say hurtful things, most likely they are hurting inside as well. She's obviously a very confused and messed up little girl inside even though she's old enough to know right from wrong...it's plain to see she's just a little girl wanting her mommy to love her even though her mommy is a jerk from what you've described.

Jackie sounds like she knows you love her to death and she's lashing out at you and pushing her frustrations onto you.

I wish I had some wisdom to share on this, but I don't. The only thing you can do is just hang tight and hope that her fear and whatever inner conflict she's having will resolve itself in time. If you want to focus on the bright side...there's a TINY bright side to all this. For what it's worth, she has at least found temporary acceptance from her biomom which is probably what she has been craving her whole life. Once the novelty of that wears off,she'll hopefully see that her mother is a toxic individual. I really hope you and Jackie can mend things...I think she just needs some time though.

You're a good person for sticking with her through all the trouble she has found herself in over the years.

_______________________________________________________________________________
"Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."

"Never let the hand you hold, hold you down." ~Aut

I haven't got any advise I'm afraid, but couldn't read & run!

The only thing I can think is to maybe write her a letter - that way you can make sure you're absolutely clear in what you say to avoid any more confusion, and pretty much tell her what you've told us about the conversation she overheard.

"God never gives us more than we can cope with, I just wish he didn't have such faith in me!"

I have a SD that I really loved and adored.. Recently she also has said some pretty nasty things and I was heartbroken, and pissed off at the same time...I only know that in my situation and most from what I have read really stem from the birth mother.. They seem to be able to twist the SDs around their little fingers.. It doesn't matter how good you have been to them or how much you have loved them... The poison drip begins..

I am hoping that when my SD really grows up and matures she will remember the love and what I gave up to make her life happy... Even though they think at the magic age of 21 that they are all knowing, they are not..

The best thing my DH did was cut off communication with her,because she said nasty things that hurt me, his wife. Just as she was part of the package deal you made when marrying into this situation.. You are part of his package deal, and until he really has your back nothing will be resolved... After a month or so of not speaking with is daughter, she is supposed to come to dinner tomorrow to talk things out... If she really loves her father as my SD does his he will have to intervene..by letting her know that you do not deserve to be treated this way and that the nasty things she has to say are uncalled for and will not be tolerated if she wants a relationship with him.. She doesn't have to like you or love you but she will respect you.
And that is hard when you love the Skids..because at least for me I want them to love me back too.. But I am learning that I will not be anyones whipping post or door mat. I hope this helps...

I am really sorry to hear this ...

Women are so vindictive. The younger they are, the less secure they are. Most of my female friends are my age or older because of the maturity and security we develop with age.

That being said, my sister has some really bitchy older friends because they have a hard time with AGING.

I don't think I formed any healthy relationships with women until I was in my late 20's.

We see each other as competition - generally speaking - and can't be comfortable (that's more on a subconscious level).

If you think it isn't true, look at young girl's friendships. How many physically unattractive girls are friends with the more attractive ones? It's absurd! Then evaluate those friendships of girls who are both attractive? Are they not relatively superficial?

Again, gross generalizing but worth mentioning.

So what does all this have to do with your SD? Perhaps you can use it to rationalize her hurtful behavior and try to dispell it from your thoughts?

I too would write her a letter explaining exactly how I felt. Let her know that you only wanted the very best for her no matter what she heard.

As far as her telling people that you're horrible because you kicked her out, when someone mentions it, simply smile and say "she's just angry." Not only that, it's none of their business. Go out about your daily life and hold your head up high. You've done nothing wrong and have only tried to help her and wanted the very best for her so why should you be made to feel ashamed?

Continue to do the right thing and stop wondering where you went wrong . .you didn't go wrong she did. When we raise our children, we give them a sense of identity, and hope they will grow to be who we desire them to be, but we really never know how they're going to turn out. Stop beating yourself up about as you've suffered enough from the pain from her hateful words.

For Mother's day, plan something special with the rest of your family and don't look for anything from her. This way you won't set yourself up for a big dissapointment.

She'll eventually get over her anger and come around. Just be there for her when she does, because she's going to need you. And if she doesn't, know you gave it your best and that's all you could do.

Good luck!

Hi, I know you said that your SD will not talk to you still, but have you made an effort to contact her? Tell her how you feel, don't give up on her just yet, she's just hurt because she loves you. What she has to learn is that even people who love each other argue and say some not so nice things, but that doesn't mean that the relationship has to end. I don't know what it was you said about her, but do you think trying to contact her yourself would be out of the question? Just letting her know that you know why she wrote what she did to you, and that you miss her and want to have a relationship again.

I am going down a similar road right now. I raised my SD since she was 4, pretty much full time. Now, SD17 has decided that I am the cause of all her problems and she hates me and is going to live with BM. Translation: She can do what she wants there and BM can go get welfare if she is there. I'm sure she will go for child support too, not that she has ever paid any to us for the last 15 years. That's the only reason she is agreeing to this, is to try and get some money. It certainly isn't to spend quality time with her daughter.

My reaction at this point is to distance myself from all of it. I figure that at some point she will either screw up her life completely or grow up and realize that I was good to her. Either way, I have done my part in teaching her right from wrong and there is nothing I can say or do at this point that is going to make a bit of difference.

I think that if future stepmom's had a clue how hard this is, they would run from the start. I know that I would have. Being a stepparent is the most difficult thankless miserable job there is. You raise these constant reminders of your DH's past life, that are biologically related to someone you can't stand, and despite all that, you treat them great, give them every opportunity in life, and when things are not perfect in their little world, YOU are to blame and YOU are the homewrecker.

Good luck to you.

I know exactly what you are going through....and I'm afraid to say....it is rather expected from both of our step daughters.....in that they both had mothers that never wanted to have anything to do with them and now they are playing the "holy" mom and it is what the SD has dreamed for all of her life. The SM is playing a game because she feels threatened by you. And the SD wants to play and be sexual and knew that you and her father would have cared enough to have stoped it or at least tried to make it harder for her because as we both I'm sure are well aware of the fact that if they want to be sexually active they will find a way. And I am certain you wouldn't just laugh it off and let it happen as her mom seems to have done. And as sad as it is you are getting the bunt of all of the games! I hate it and have layed in bed crying for two day's over the same kind of thing that happened this Easter. All I know to do is pray...pray....pray and perhaps I will be wise enough to hear what God wants me to do about it.

My oldest SD (33) has always had issues with her BM and isn't all that close to her. She has never lived with us but has a very tainted view of the relationship I have with her father. Back in January she said some pretty harsh things about me and my DH recommended we go a long period of time without talking, texting, emailing, etc. one another and I removed her from my friends list on Facebook since supposedly that started the newest rift she has with me. Almost 3 months later her words still cut at me. I told my DH I really don't want to spend time with her until she apologizes to me (which I know may never come). Until then I just pray about the situation that my heart and her heart be softened because at some point I will have to see her in person (no time soon if I have my way though). I just got tired of her wanting to be my friend then changing her mind and bringing up things from my past that had nothing to do with her. Judge not lest ye be judged. DH says his daughter knows she messed up and upset me but he can't control how she treats me as she is a grown woman. I'm just leaving it up to God because I'm tired of being hurt, yelled at and disrespected. Lucky for me SD lives 3.5 hours away so it's not like I'm going to run into her and DH has already said he only wants to make that drive once or twice a year if she's unwilling to come here. She chose to move away from where the bulk of her family is and with that, we're not obligated to always be the ones to travel there.

Hang in there. Time will help your situation even if you stay frustrated. I see things differently now than I did 2+ months ago. My SD drinks a lot and doesn't always take her antidepressants. DH says she has a tendency to fly off the handle then come around and be sweet. I just don't have time for mind games in my life right now so I'm focusing on my family of 3 that live in the same house and let the chips fall where they may for everyone else.

***** Follow me on my blog! Me (41). DH (54). Married since May 2007. DS (9) from my 1st marriage where that husband is deceased. I have 6 grown stepchildren who do not live with us. 4 biological and 2 my DH helped raise with his 2nd wife.