Ex is telling kids not to tell me incidents that happen with him
There have been a few different occasions where my children will "accidentally" tell me something that happened while with their dad. Apparently if they are unhappy or get hurt while with him they've been instructed not to tell me. I understand that he is worried about the consequences but I find it disturbing that he's telling them to hide things, and even lie. The most recent thing they were supposed to hide was that our 3 year old was allowed to play outside unsupervised and was covered in ants. Luckily he didn't get bit too much. My ex was denying that the bites happened under his care but there was no way I wouldn't have noticed it before they went to his house. Weeks later my 7 year old slipped and mentioned the ants incident. So not only did my ex allow something like that to happen (although I'm not too upset since accidents happen) but he lied about it and even went so far as to suggest I was responsible.
I've heard of policies of keeping the information and experiences of each household separate but I don't want my kids to feel like they can't talk about their life- no matter where they are when it happens. What policies do you have in place and am I wrong for wanting to know about issues my kids are facing?
What consequences is he
What consequences is he worried about? If they get hurt with him would you take some kind of action against him? Just trying to understand why he would be worried about the kids telling you things.
In order to get the kids to
In order to get the kids to stay at his house during his visitation he had to do some things (lock guns up, clean house, have private area for daughter to dress, etc.) and if he doesn't keep up with them he has to come here for visits (he lives with his parents and their other 5 children including a handicapped little boy who is violent). He thinks if the kids are unhappy or not supervised I will make him move (he hasn't ever paid child support so "he can save up for his own place"). I am reasonable because I know how kids can be but I need to know what's going on and teaching my kids it's alright to be dishonest with me is just wrong...
Well ... as a SM, I know DH
Well ... as a SM, I know DH got nervous about anything happening to skids because she would take the smallest thing and blow up about it.
SO, I can see why your ex is acting the way he does if you are that type of parent.
On the other hand, as there are two sides to all stories, as a parent, I got pretty damn perturbed when the skids didn't tell me that BM was making them spend their whole vacation with her parents and not her - crazy religious lunatics who try to brainwash them. She told them not to tell either of us.
That's my two cents.
Is the visitation schedule a
Is the visitation schedule a legal document or is it something that the both of you have agreed on with the courts?
If it's a court document maybe you should have a chat with your ex and explain how you are feeling about this whole situation and if you feel that the children and still keeping vital information from you that he is leaving you with no choice but to go to the courts again. It may shake him up abit to get his butt in gear and communication with you properly. Just a thought.
KGB
Formally known as Dani - RIP Baby Girl
We've told them that they
We've told them that they don't have to tell their mother everything but that's her fault. She's such a total control freak that dealing with her at all about anything is pure misery. She makes mountains out of every molehill. Every tiny thing is HUGE drama - complete with foot stomping, screaming, demanding and threatening to stop access.
Of course when things happen to them in HER care she doesn't bother to tell us about it but she expects us to fill out an 'incident' form for every scratch or bruise.
We've learned to ignore her and have told the kids that it's probably better to not even mention things.
If something serious happened that required a doctor sure we'd tell her but other than that we don't. If she were a reasonable person we would but she isn't.